929 (Tanakh) · Thinking of Converting · Standard
Joshua 20
Hook
The journey of exploring conversion (gerut) is one of the most profound, beautiful, and destabilizing experiences a human being can undergo. It is a process of stepping out of the life you have always known—the cultural, familial, and spiritual landscape of your birth—and seeking entry into a new collective identity. In the quiet moments of this transition, you may feel suspended between two worlds. You are no longer entirely who you were, but you are not yet legally or communally integrated into who you hope to become. You are looking for a sanctuary, a place of safety where your soul can catch its breath, find its footing, and be absorbed into a sacred covenant.
This is why the text of Joshua 20 is so deeply resonant for those discerning a Jewish life. On its surface, this chapter is a legal and geographic designation of the Cities of Refuge (Arei Miklat), safe havens set aside for those who have caused accidental death. But when read through the lens of the soul's journey, this text becomes a powerful blueprint for the mechanics of spiritual transition, the necessity of sacred boundaries, and the exquisite mercy of a community that knows how to receive the weary traveler.
As we step into the month of Rosh Chodesh Tamuz, this text takes on an even more immediate relevance. Tamuz is the gateway to the heat of the summer, a month traditionally associated with the sense of sight and the capacity to look deeply at our boundaries. It is a time when we must see our lives clearly—not as we wish them to be in some vague, romantic future, but as they actually are in the present. It invites us to examine the structures that keep us safe, the communities that hold us, and the spiritual boundaries that define our commitments. In Joshua 20, we encounter a community that is finally settling into its inheritance, establishing its borders, and immediately carving out spaces of refuge for the vulnerable, the displaced, and the seeking. If you are standing at the threshold of Jewish life, this text invites you to look closely at what it means to enter a covenant that balances absolute justice with boundless mercy, and to ask yourself: Am I ready to seek my refuge here?
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Context
To understand the profound spiritual architecture of Joshua 20, we must place it within its historical, legal, and communal landscape. The establishment of the Cities of Refuge is not an isolated administrative task; it is the crowning act of the settlement of the Land of Israel, carrying deep implications for those seeking to join the Jewish people.
- The Culmination of Settlement (Yerusha v'Yeshiva): The allocation of the Cities of Refuge occurs only after the conquest and division of the Land of Israel are complete. As the medieval commentator Radak Radak on Joshua 20:2:1 and the nineteenth-century master Malbim Malbim on Joshua 20:2:1 point out, the obligation to designate these sanctuaries did not take effect until the Jewish people had fully inherited and settled the land. This teaches us a fundamental truth about Jewish community: before we can offer a safe, stable refuge to others, we must first build a grounded, structured home ourselves. The Jewish community you are seeking to enter is not a blank slate; it is an ancient, beautifully constructed home with established rhythms, laws, and boundaries. It is from this place of stability that the Jewish people are able to extend a hand to those who knock on our gates.
- The Shared Protection of the Ger (Resident Alien/Convert): The text explicitly declares that these cities are designated "for all the Israelites and for the resident aliens (ger) among them" Joshua 20:9. In the biblical context, the ger was a non-Israelite who had left their home to live within the protective custody of the Jewish community. This verse serves as an eternal testament to the radical inclusivity of biblical justice. The moment you bind your fate to the Jewish people, you are integrated into the exact same systems of legal protection, ethical responsibility, and community care. There is no dual track of justice in the covenant; the sanctuary that shields the born-Jew is the very same sanctuary that shields you.
- The Parallel to the Beit Din and the Mikveh: The process of entering a City of Refuge mirrors the modern conversion process in striking ways. A person seeking sanctuary cannot simply slip past the city walls unnoticed; they must "stand at the entrance to the city gate, and plead the case before the elders of that city" Joshua 20:4. This is the biblical precursor to the Beit Din—the rabbinic court of three judges who stand at the gate of the Jewish people. The Beit Din is not an adversarial interrogation designed to keep you out, but a sacred boundary designed to ensure that your entry is sincere, safe, and sustainable. Just as the elders of the city must "provide a place in which to live among them" Joshua 20:4, the Beit Din and the community work together to facilitate your transition, culminating in the spiritual rebirth of the mikveh (the ritual bath), which permanently alters your legal and spiritual status within the covenant.
Text Snapshot
"Speak to the Israelites: Designate the cities of refuge—about which I commanded you through Moses—to which a manslayer who kills a person by mistake, unintentionally, may flee. They shall serve you as a refuge from the blood avenger. [The slayer] shall flee to one of those cities, stand at the entrance to the city gate, and plead the case before the elders of that city; and they shall offer admission to the city and provide a place in which to live among them... Those were the towns designated for all the Israelites and for the resident aliens among them, to which anyone who killed a person unintentionally might flee, and not die by the hand of the blood avenger before standing trial by the assembly."
— Joshua 20:2-4, 9
Close Reading
To study Torah as a prospective convert is to look for the hidden currents of your own soul within the ancient text. Joshua 20 is rich with legal terminology and historical detail, but when we turn to the classic commentators, we discover a treasure trove of psychological, spiritual, and existential wisdom that speaks directly to the process of gerut.
Insight 1: The Principle of Absorption (Kolet) and the Boundaries of Sanctuary
Let us begin by looking closely at the Hebrew terminology used in this passage. The text commands the designation of "cities of refuge"—in Hebrew, Arei Miklat. What does the word miklat actually mean?
The classic commentator Metzudat Zion Metzudat Zion on Joshua 20:2:1 offers a beautiful and precise definition:
המקלט. על שם שקולטת את הרוצחים, שאין מדרך עיר אחרת להניח להרוצחים לדור בה:
"The Refuge (Miklat): It is named because it absorbs (kolet) the killers, for it is not the way of any other city to allow killers to dwell in its midst."
The word kolet does not merely mean to shield or protect; it means to absorb, to integrate, to draw something into the very fabric of one’s own body or structure. When a seed is planted in the earth, the soil kolet (absorbs) the seed, nourishing it until it becomes part of the earth itself.
This concept of absorption is the secret heart of the Jewish conversion process. When you begin exploring Judaism, you might initially feel like a spectator, an outsider looking in on a beautiful, ancient family. You learn the blessings, you attend services, you try to follow the commandments, but there can be a persistent, aching feeling of being a foreign object.
The promise of the Jewish covenant, as reflected in the mechanism of the Arei Miklat, is that Jewish community is designed to be absorbent. When you undergo conversion, you are not merely being given a legal pass or a certificate of membership; you are being absorbed into the collective soul of the Jewish people (Knesset Yisrael).
However, notice the second half of Metzudat Zion’s comment: "for it is not the way of any other city to allow them to dwell in its midst."
Sanctuary is unique. It requires a highly specific environment. You cannot find this kind of deep, identity-altering integration just anywhere. It requires a community that has been specifically designed by Divine command to hold, protect, and transform those who enter it. This is why the conversion process is so rigorous, and why rabbis do not rush candidates through it. To absorb someone into a family requires deep intentionality. It requires that the candidate understand the unique legal, ethical, and historical architecture of the home they are entering.
Furthermore, the commentator Metzudat David Metzudat David on Joshua 20:2:1 notes on the word lachem ("for you"):
לכם. להנאתכם:
"For you — for your benefit."
The boundaries of the covenant, the demands of the commandments (mitzvot), and the scrutiny of the conversion process are not arbitrary obstacles. They are lachem—for your benefit. They are designed to create a vessel strong enough to hold the immense light of a Jewish soul. Just as the boundaries of the City of Refuge were designed to create a safe container where the fugitive could live without fear of the blood avenger, the boundaries of halakha (Jewish law) create a safe, structured space where your spiritual life can flourish.
Insight 2: Standing at the Gate and the Sincerity of the Dialogue
The text describes the physical entry into the city:
"[The slayer] shall flee to one of those cities, stand at the entrance to the city gate, and plead the case before the elders of that city; and they shall offer admission to the city and provide a place in which to live among them." Joshua 20:4
This verse outlines a three-step process of transition that perfectly maps onto the journey of the conversion candidate:
- Standing at the Entrance (V'amad Petach Sha'ar Ha'ir): The journey begins at the boundary. You do not start on the inside; you start at the gate. This is a place of vulnerability. You are exposed to the elements, looking in at a community that is already warm, settled, and active inside. For many seekers, the hardest part of the conversion process is simply standing at the gate—showing up at a synagogue for the first time, emailing a rabbi, or admitting out loud that your heart is pulling you toward Jewish life. It takes immense courage to stand at the gate and acknowledge that you are seeking refuge.
- Pleading the Case (V'diber b'oznei ziknei ha'ir et devarav): Literally, "he shall speak his words into the ears of the elders." You must articulate your story. Why are you here? What has brought you to this gate? In the conversion process, this is the dialogue with your sponsoring rabbi and, ultimately, the Beit Din. It is a candid, honest accounting of your life, your motivations, and your spiritual yearning. The elders do not look for perfection; they look for sincerity. They listen to see if your soul is truly aligned with the reality of Jewish destiny—with all its joys, its heavy responsibilities, and its historical vulnerabilities.
- Receiving Admission and a Place (V'asfu oto... v'natnu lo makom): Once sincerity is established, the elders do not merely let the person in to wander the streets as a homeless stranger. They "gather him" into the city and "give him a place to live among them." True conversion is not just about changing your personal belief system; it is about being given a place in a specific, localized community. It means having a seat in the sanctuary, an invitation to a Shabbat table, a role in the communal life, and a share in the collective destiny of the Jewish people.
This process is a beautiful reminder that your journey is not a solitary one. The Jewish path is not lived in isolation on a mountaintop; it is lived in the busy, sometimes messy streets of the "city," in constant relationship with the "elders" and the "assembly."
Insight 3: The Mystical Interconnection of Souls (Hitkashrut Nefashot)
To explore the deepest spiritual dimensions of this text, we must turn to the master of Hasidic inwardness, the Ishbitzer Rebbe, in his work Mei HaShiloach Mei HaShiloach, Volume I, Prophets, Joshua 20:1.
The Ishbitzer addresses a fascinating textual anomaly. Throughout the Book of Joshua, God's communications to Joshua are almost always introduced with the phrase Vayomer Hashem ("And the Lord said"). However, here in Joshua 20:1, the text suddenly shifts to a much stronger, more intense verb: Vayidaber Hashem el Yehoshua ("And the Lord spoke to Joshua").
The commentator Minchat Shai Minchat Shai on Joshua 20:1:1 notes this transition as well:
וידבר ה' אל יהושע לאמר. בכל ספר יהושע כתיב ויאמר ה' וכאן נאמר וידבר. ודבור לשון עזה הוא... מפני מה נאמרה פרשת רוצחים בלשון עזה מפני שהם של תורה...
"Throughout the Book of Joshua it is written, 'And the Lord said,' but here it says, 'And the Lord spoke.' And 'speaking' (dibur) is a harsh/strong tongue... Why was the section of the manslayers spoken in a strong tongue? Because they are of the essence of the Torah..."
Why does this legal text about accidental killers require such "strong, harsh language"? Why is it considered "of the essence of the Torah"?
The Mei HaShiloach explains this by diving into a profound mystical teaching regarding the relationship between Moses and Joshua. The Torah tells us that the Cities of Refuge were originally commanded by God through Moses, but they were not actually designated and activated until Joshua took leadership in the Land.
The Ishbitzer cites a passage from the Talmud, Eruvin 52b, which discusses the architectural boundaries of cities using the terms:
בית נכנס בית יוצא, פגום נכנס פגום יוצא...
"A house entering, a house exiting; a blemish entering, a blemish exiting..."
He explains that these talmudic terms are actually a deep hint toward what he calls התקשרות נפשות (hitkashrut nefashot)—the profound, mystical "interconnection of souls."
The Mei HaShiloach suggests that Joshua had an incredibly intense, burning desire to grasp the absolute depth of the Torah. However, as long as his master, Moses, was alive, Joshua’s own unique spiritual light could not fully emerge. Through the sheer, overwhelming power of Joshua's spiritual desire and prayer to step into his own destiny, he unwittingly (and completely unintentionally) contributed to the spiritual transition and physical passing of Moses.
This, the Ishbitzer says, is a form of "unintentional killing" (shogeg) on a cosmic, spiritual level. Joshua’s holy desire displaced his master. Moses, realizing this spiritual dynamic, did not react with anger. Instead, he prayed for Joshua, wrapping him in his own love and protection. In doing so, Moses illuminated a divine strategy: when one soul unwittingly displaces another in its journey toward growth, the remedy is mutual prayer, deep connection, and the creation of a "refuge" of love.
If you are exploring conversion, this Hasidic insight is incredibly profound. The process of gerut often involves a kind of "unintentional displacement." To step into your Jewish identity, you must, in some ways, displace your past self. You may also feel a painful sense of displacement in your relationships with your family of origin, your old friends, or your former religious community. Your intense, holy desire to find your soul's true home can create a sense of shockwaves, tension, and grief in the life you are leaving behind.
The Mei HaShiloach teaches us that this sense of displacement, confusion, and "consternation" (mevucha) is not a sign that you are doing something wrong. Rather, it is the natural result of the "interconnection of souls." When a soul is shifting its cosmic alignment, there is a necessary period of shaking. The "strong language" (dibur) of this commandment is God's way of telling us that building a sanctuary requires absolute strength, clarity, and determination. You must be willing to face the "harshness" of transition, the difficulty of standing at the gate, and the pain of letting go of your past, in order to inherit the sanctuary that has been prepared for you.
Lived Rhythm
One of the most beautiful aspects of Jewish tradition is that it does not leave its profound theological concepts in the realm of the abstract. Every great spiritual truth is translated into a physical, repeatable action—a lived rhythm.
If the Cities of Refuge represent a sanctuary from the chaotic forces of the world, a place of safety where we can step out of the relentless cycle of doing and striving, then the primary "City of Refuge" in Jewish life is Shabbat.
The great twentieth-century theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel famously called Shabbat a "palace in time." It is a sanctuary built not of stone and mortar, but of hours, minutes, and intentional presence. For a person exploring conversion, establishing a weekly Shabbat practice is the most powerful way to experience the "absorbent" power of Jewish life.
Here is a concrete, step-by-step guide to building your own weekly "City of Refuge" through Shabbat, tailored for someone at the beginner to intermediate stage of their journey:
1. Create a "Gate" (The Transition)
Just as the fugitive must stand at the gate of the city to transition from the dangerous wilderness to the safe sanctuary, you must create a clear boundary between your workweek and Shabbat.
- Action: On Friday afternoon, about an hour before sunset, intentionally close your laptop, put your phone on "Do Not Disturb," and tidy your living space. This is your physical approach to the "gate."
- The Candle Lighting: If you are not yet Jewish, you are not halakhically obligated to light Shabbat candles, but many rabbis encourage conversion candidates to do so as a powerful practice (sometimes with a slight modification in the blessing, or by lighting them without saying the formal blessing, depending on your rabbi's guidance). As you light the candles, cover your eyes, take a deep breath, and consciously step through the gate into the sanctuary of time.
2. Establish the Sanctuary (The Meal)
Inside the City of Refuge, the elders provided the fugitive with "a place in which to live among them" Joshua 20:4. Your dining table is your place of sanctuary.
- Action: Set your table with your nicest dishes, even if you are dining alone. Have two loaves of challah (representing the double portion of manna that fell in the desert) and a cup of sweet kosher wine or grape juice.
- The Blessings: Practice singing Shalom Aleichem (welcoming the Sabbath angels) and reciting the Kiddush (the sanctification of the day over wine). If you are still learning the Hebrew, do not be discouraged; sing the melodies, read the English translations, and let the beauty of the words wash over you.
3. Leave the "Blood Avenger" Outside (Unplugging)
In biblical times, the "blood avenger" (goel hadam) was the relative of the deceased who pursued the killer in a state of hot anger. In our modern lives, the "blood avenger" is the relentless demand of the secular world—the emails, the news alerts, the social media comparison, the anxiety of productivity, the pressure to buy, sell, and achieve.
- Action: For the 25 hours of Shabbat, declare a absolute ceasefire with the world of doing. Do not shop, do not check your work emails, and do not engage in creative labor. If you are in the early stages of conversion, you might start by unplugging for just Friday night, or by keeping Shabbat fully except for one small action (a traditional practice for those in training, to honor the halakhic reality that one does not fully keep Shabbat until after immersion in the mikveh). Use this time to read Jewish books, walk in nature, nap, and simply be.
4. Close the Gate (Havdalah)
At the end of Shabbat, when three stars appear in the Saturday night sky, we perform the ritual of Havdalah (literally, "Separation").
- Action: Light a multi-wick braided candle, smell sweet spices (to comfort the soul as the extra Shabbat soul departs), and hold up your hands to the light of the fire. As you extinguish the candle in the wine, you are stepping back through the gate, fortified, nourished, and ready to face the workweek with a renewed sense of purpose.
Community
As we read in Joshua 20:4, the fugitive cannot admit themselves into the city. They must stand before the elders, plead their case, and be received. This is a vital reminder that Judaism cannot be practiced in isolation. You cannot convert to Judaism through a book, an app, or a website. You must convert through a living, breathing community.
Here is your concrete step for connecting with the "elders" and finding your "place among them":
Find Your Rabbi and Study Group
If you have been studying on your own, now is the time to seek out a spiritual guide and a cohort of peers.
- Identify a Local Congregation: Look for a synagogue in your area that aligns with the denominational path you are exploring (Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, or Reconstructionist). Do not worry about making a permanent commitment yet; simply look for a community that feels warm and active.
- Reach Out to the Rabbi: Send a brief, polite email to the rabbi. You might write something like:
"Dear Rabbi [Name], my name is [Your Name], and I have been deeply exploring Judaism and the possibility of conversion for the past several months. I am seeking guidance on how to deepen my learning and connect with the community. Would you have 15 minutes for a brief introductory conversation, or could you recommend a basic class or study group where I might begin?"
- Join an "Introduction to Judaism" Class: Most Jewish communities or regional boards offer structured, year-long introductory courses. These classes are the modern equivalent of the "city gate." They provide a safe, structured space where you can study alongside other seekers, ask your questions without fear of judgment, and begin to build the relationships that will sustain you throughout your journey.
Remember, when you approach a rabbi, you are not asking for immediate acceptance or a guarantee of conversion. You are simply asking for a map of the city and a place to begin learning. A good rabbi will receive you with warmth, honesty, and a healthy dose of realistic challenge—respecting your sincerity while honoring the gravity of the covenant.
Takeaway
The Cities of Refuge in Joshua 20 were not places of exile or punishment; they were places of life. They were established so that those who had experienced a profound, destabilizing crisis could "live among them" Joshua 20:4 in peace, safety, and dignity.
As you navigate the beautiful and challenging path of exploring conversion, remember that the Jewish people are not looking for perfect, flawless individuals who have never known struggle or displacement. We are a people of survivors, seekers, and wrestlers. The covenant we hold is a sanctuary designed specifically to absorb those whose souls are drawn to its light.
Do not be discouraged by the length of the road, the complexity of the laws, or the vulnerability of standing at the gate. Every step you take with sincerity—every Shabbat candle you light, every Hebrew letter you learn, every conversation you have with an elder of the community—is a step closer to your true home.
Be patient with the process. Trust the boundaries. And know that if your heart is truly aligned with the covenant of Israel, there is a place of refuge, a place of deep belonging, waiting for you inside the gates.
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