Chullin 23

Insight: The Beauty of the "In-Between"

Parenting often feels like a constant attempt to categorize our children and our experiences. We want to know if a behavior is a "phase" or a "personality trait." We want to know if our child is "on track" or "falling behind." We want to know if we are doing a "good job" or a "bad job." Chullin 23 introduces us to the palges—an animal that sits in that awkward, uncomfortable middle space between a lamb and a ram. It isn’t quite one thing, and it isn’t quite another. The Gemara wrestles with this: Does this "in-between" state have its own inherent value, or is it merely a source of uncertainty and doubt?

As parents, we often live in the palges zone. We are neither the perfect, Pinterest-ready icons of parenting we imagined we’d be, nor are we the disasters our inner critic claims we are. We are somewhere in the middle—the "good-enough" parents. This text teaches us that there is holiness in that ambiguity. When the Gemara struggles with whether an offering in an uncertain state is an "entity in and of itself," it is inviting us to view our own "in-between" moments not as failures of classification, but as legitimate, unique states of being.

When your child is struggling to regulate, they aren't "bad" or "good"—they are in a transitional state of growth. When you feel you are failing to balance work and home, you aren't a "failure"; you are a parent navigating a complex, multifaceted reality. The Gemara’s refusal to easily resolve the status of these animals teaches us that life doesn't always offer binary answers. Sometimes, the most honest, Jewish, and deeply human response is to acknowledge, "It stands unresolved." We don’t have to label everything. We don't have to have a clear-cut strategy for every developmental hiccup.

Accepting that our parenting journey is an "entity in and of itself"—unresolved, messy, and constantly shifting—actually frees us. It allows us to stop trying to force our kids (and ourselves) into boxes of "success" or "deficiency." Instead, we can hold space for the complexity. The palges is still an offering; it still has a place in the Temple service, even if its status is complex. Your parenting, in its messy, uncertain, and "good-enough" state, is still sacred. You are doing the work, and that work is enough. Bless the chaos, embrace the ambiguity, and know that you don't need to be perfectly categorized to be a wonderful, effective parent.

Text Snapshot

"The Gemara cites another matter where there is uncertainty as to whether an animal of a particular age is of uncertain status or an entity in and of itself... The dilemma shall stand unresolved." — Chullin 23a

Activity: The "In-Between" Jar (10 Minutes)

This activity is designed to help children (and you!) make peace with the "I don't know" or "middle" feelings that come with life’s transitions.

1. The Setup (2 mins): Find a small jar or box. Cut up 5–6 strips of paper.
2. The Conversation (4 mins): Tell your child about a time this week when you weren't sure what to do—maybe you couldn't decide if they were "big enough" for a certain responsibility, or if you were being too strict or too lenient. Explain that this "not-knowing" is actually a normal part of life, just like the palges in our text.
3. The "Unresolved" List (3 mins): Ask your child to name one thing they feel "in-between" about. Maybe they feel too old for a toy but too young for a movie. Write these on the strips of paper and put them in the jar.
4. The Ritual (1 min): When you put the lid on, say together: "It’s okay not to have the answer right now. We are growing, and that’s enough."

This creates a physical space for uncertainty, normalizing it as a healthy part of growth rather than a problem to be solved immediately.

Script: When the World Demands a Label

The Scenario: A relative or teacher asks, "So, is he in that 'terrible' phase or has he grown out of it?" or "Are you back to working full-time yet?"

The 30-Second Response: "You know, I’ve stopped trying to label these phases. Some days he’s a little storm, some days he’s calm, and most days he’s just somewhere in the middle—a bit of both. I’m learning to just meet him where he is that day rather than worrying about which category he fits into. It’s a bit of a 'palges'—an entity all on its own! It keeps us on our toes, but we’re managing well enough."

Why this works: It deflects the pressure to provide a "correct" answer, injects a bit of wisdom, and keeps the focus on the child’s unique individuality rather than a rigid developmental milestone.

Habit: The "Good-Enough" Check-in

This week, pick one moment each evening—perhaps while brushing teeth or putting on pajamas—to name one "in-between" thing you navigated today. Did you lose your patience but then repair the moment? Did you serve a "lazy" dinner but have a great conversation? Instead of judging it as a failure, say to yourself: "That was a 'good-enough' moment." This micro-habit builds the muscle of self-compassion, helping you see that the messy middle is exactly where the real, authentic parenting happens.

Takeaway

You are not required to have a perfectly categorized life, a perfectly behaved child, or a perfectly executed plan. Like the palges, your parenting is a unique entity that holds value precisely because it is real, complex, and human. Give yourself permission to let some of your dilemmas "stand unresolved" and focus on the love and presence you bring to the chaos. You are doing enough.