Chullin 71

Insight: The Beauty of the "Both-And"

In our busy lives, we love to categorize: Is this kid a "wild animal" (ḥayya) or a "domesticated" one (behema)? We label behaviors as "good" or "bad," "kosher" or "non-kosher." But Chullin 71 teaches us that these categories are fluid and overlapping. The Torah uses these terms interchangeably to show that nothing is truly isolated. For parents, this is a beautiful reminder that our children are complex, shifting beings. They can be wild and gentle, messy and focused, all in the same hour. We don’t need to force them into a single box. Accepting the "both-and" helps us embrace the chaos of development without needing to label every phase as permanent.

Text Snapshot

"And likewise, a non-kosher behema is included in the category of a non-kosher ḥayya... Accordingly... it is understood to be referring collectively to both." Chullin 71a

Activity: The "Both-And" Animal Game (≤10 min)

Sit with your child and look at a picture of a "wild" animal (like a deer) and a "tame" one (like a cow). Ask: "If this animal had a 'tame' day and a 'wild' day, what would they look like?" Then, ask your child: "Are you feeling more like a wild ḥayya or a calm behema right now?" It’s a low-pressure way to let them identify their own moods without judgment.

Script: The Awkward Question

Child: "Why do you get so mad when I’m loud, but then tell me to be loud outside?" Parent: "That’s a great question. You know, just like the Torah says some animals are both wild and tame, you are too! Sometimes you need to be a 'wild animal' outside to let out your energy, and sometimes we need to be 'domesticated' inside so we can hear each other. You’re learning when to be which, and I’m helping you find that balance."

Habit: The One-Minute Pause

This week, when your child is acting "wild," take one breath and repeat: “They are a whole creature, not just this moment.” It’s a micro-win for your patience.

Takeaway

Don't fear the transition between your child’s "wild" and "tame" phases. They are a complex, ever-evolving soul—bless the shift.