Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions 6-7

Shalom, friends! Welcome to our little corner of Jewish wisdom. I'm so glad you're here. No prior experience needed, just an open heart and a curious mind.

Hook

Ever feel like you're trying your best to be a good person, but the people around you, or even just the "vibe" of a place, makes it surprisingly hard? Maybe you've noticed how quickly you pick up habits – good or not-so-good – from friends or colleagues. Or perhaps you've struggled with how to deal with someone who's wronged you, caught between wanting to let it go and feeling that simmering resentment. It’s a common human experience, this dance between who we want to be and the influences that pull us in different directions. And when it comes to expressing difficult truths, how do you do it in a way that actually helps, rather than just causing more drama or embarrassment? These are deeply human questions, and guess what? Jewish wisdom, surprisingly practical and down-to-earth, has been wrestling with them for centuries. Today, we’re going to peek into a brilliant text that offers timeless guidance on building better relationships, nurturing our own character, and navigating the social landscape with grace and integrity. It’s about how to be your best self, even when the world around you isn't always making it easy.

Context

Let's set the stage for our wisdom journey! Our text today comes from a truly remarkable work.

• Who: Our guide is Maimonides, often called the Rambam. He was one of the most brilliant Jewish scholars, thinkers, and doctors of all time. Think of him as a rockstar polymath from way back when! He lived an incredible life, facing many challenges, but always dedicated to learning and teaching. He wrote extensively on Jewish law, philosophy, and medicine.
• When: The Rambam lived in the 12th century (1138-1204 CE). So, we're talking about wisdom that's nearly a thousand years old! Yet, you'll be amazed at how fresh and relevant his insights feel today, tackling universal human experiences that haven't changed much, even with smartphones and social media. His era was one of great intellectual ferment, and he stood at the forefront, bridging ancient tradition with rigorous philosophical inquiry. He was a beacon of intellectual light during a time that often gets overlooked in history, showing how Jewish thought was vibrant and evolving.
• Where: The Rambam's life took him across the Mediterranean, from his birthplace in Cordoba, Spain, to North Africa, eventually settling in Fustat (Old Cairo), Egypt. He served as a physician to the Sultan and led the Egyptian Jewish community. His geographical journey mirrors his intellectual one, integrating diverse influences into his profound Jewish scholarship. Imagine him writing these deep thoughts amidst the bustling markets and ancient libraries of medieval Egypt, penning words that would shape Jewish life for generations.
• What: Our text is from his monumental work called Mishneh Torah. This literally means "Repetition of the Torah," and it's a comprehensive guide to Jewish law, organizing centuries of tradition into a clear, systematic code. It covers everything from prayer and holidays to business ethics and, as we'll see today, how to be a good person. We're looking at a section within Mishneh Torah called "Human Dispositions" (or "De'ot" in Hebrew), which is all about developing good character traits and ethical living. It's essentially a manual for moral self-improvement, showing how Jewish law isn't just about rituals, but about cultivating a beautiful soul.
  • Key Term: Mishneh Torah is a comprehensive guide to Jewish law.

Text Snapshot

Here’s a taste of what the Rambam teaches us about how to navigate our relationships and develop our character (Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions, Chapters 6-7):

"It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates... Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds... Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked... If all the places with which he is familiar... follow improper paths, as in our times, or if he is unable to move... he should remain alone in seclusion... 'Love your neighbor as yourself'... Therefore, one should speak the praises of [others] and show concern for their money just as he is concerned with his own... Whoever hates a [fellow] Jew in his heart transgresses a Torah prohibition... Rather, he is commanded to make the matter known and ask him: 'Why did you do this to me?'... 'You shall surely admonish your colleague.'... [But] a person who admonishes a colleague should not speak to him harshly until he becomes embarrassed... 'Do not go around gossiping among your people.'... 'Do not take revenge.'... 'Do not bear a grudge against the children of your people.'"

(You can find the full text here: https://www.sefaria.org/Mishneh_Torah%2C_Human_Dispositions_6-7)

Close Reading

Wow, that's a lot packed into a few lines! Let's unpack some of these powerful ideas and see how we can actually use them in our lives. The Rambam isn't just giving us rules; he's giving us tools for growth.

Insight 1: Your Company Shapes You – Choose Wisely!

The Rambam starts with a core truth about human nature: "It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates." We are social creatures, and like sponges, we absorb the "flavor" of our surroundings. Think about it – if you spend time with people who are constantly complaining, you might find yourself complaining more. If you're with people who are ambitious and positive, you might feel more motivated. It’s not just a nice idea; it's a fundamental aspect of our psychology.

So, what's the Jewish wisdom here? The Rambam gives us a clear directive: "Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds." And the flip side: "Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds."

Let's break down these terms simply:

• Righteous: Someone who lives with integrity and does good deeds.
• Wise: Someone who seeks knowledge, understanding, and applies it ethically.
• Wicked: Someone who consistently acts in ways that cause harm or go against ethical principles.

Now, this isn't about being judgmental or exclusive. It's about self-awareness and self-preservation. The Rambam is saying, "Be intentional about your influences!" He's not just talking about your best buddies, but anyone you spend significant time with – colleagues, neighbors, even the content creators you follow online.

He takes this idea to an extreme, which highlights its importance: "A person who lives in a place where the norms of behavior are evil... should move to a place where the people are righteous." And if moving isn't possible, or the whole world seems to be going "improper paths" (he says "as in our times," which means every generation feels this way!), he suggests: "he should remain alone in seclusion." Or, if forced to mingle with wrongdoers, even "go out to caves, thickets, and deserts." (Mishneh Torah 6:1) Talk about commitment! This isn't a literal instruction for most of us today to become hermits, but it powerfully conveys the message: protecting your character and values is paramount, even above social comfort or convenience. If your environment is toxic, you need to create distance.

He then tells us that it's a positive commandment (a positive instruction from God) "to cleave unto the wise and their disciples." (Mishneh Torah 6:2)

• Positive commandment: A divine instruction to do something. This isn't about literally gluing yourself to a sage! The Sages themselves explained this verse, "and you will cling to Him" (Deuteronomy 10:20), to mean "Cleave unto the wise and their disciples." Since God is infinite and beyond our physical grasp, how do we "cling" to Him? By connecting with those who are deeply connected to Him and His ways – the wise. When you spend time with people dedicated to goodness, ethics, and Torah, you are, in a sense, connecting to the Divine essence that inspires them.

What does this "cleaving" look like in practice? The Rambam suggests practical ways: "try to marry the daughter of a Torah Sage... eat and drink with Sages... do business on behalf of Sages, and associate with them in all possible ways." (Mishneh Torah 6:2) Again, this isn't about becoming a groupie, but about intentionally weaving these positive influences into the fabric of your life. It's about being a student of life, always learning from those who embody the values you aspire to. It’s about being proactive in seeking out environments and relationships that elevate you.

This insight challenges us: Look at your influences. Who are you spending your time with? What voices are you letting into your head? Are they helping you become the person you want to be, or subtly pulling you away?

Insight 2: Love Your Neighbor – Even When It's Hard

Next, the Rambam tackles the foundational Jewish principle: "Each man is commanded to love each and every one of Israel as himself as [Leviticus 19:18] states: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Mishneh Torah 6:3)

• Neighbor: A fellow Jew. (While the text specifies "Israel," the ethical principles are universal.) This isn't just a warm, fuzzy feeling. The Rambam clarifies that this love requires specific actions: "Therefore, one should speak the praises of [others] and show concern for their money just as he is concerned with his own money and seeks his own honor." (Mishneh Torah 6:3) It's about actively promoting their good name and protecting their well-being as if it were your own. This is a high bar, a radical empathy that pushes us beyond mere tolerance to active care and advocacy.

But what about the dark side? We’re human, and sometimes we don’t feel love; we feel resentment or even hate. The Rambam addresses this head-on: "Whoever hates a [fellow] Jew in his heart transgresses a Torah prohibition as [Leviticus 19:17] states: 'Do not hate your brother in your heart.'" (Mishneh Torah 6:5)

• Torah prohibition: A divine instruction to not do something. This is profound! It’s not just about acting hateful, but about harboring hate internally. The Torah is concerned with our inner world, our thoughts, and our feelings. Why? Because hidden hate festers. It corrodes the soul of the person holding it and prevents any possibility of reconciliation or healing. The Rambam notes that while there are no physical punishments from a court for thoughts (because courts only deal with actions), the spiritual weight of this internal hatred is immense.

So, what do you do when someone wrongs you and that feeling of dislike starts to creep in? The Rambam offers a powerful alternative to silent resentment: "When one person wrongs another, the latter should not remain silent and despise him... Rather, he is commanded to make the matter known and ask him: 'Why did you do this to me?', 'Why did you wrong me regarding that matter?' as [Leviticus 19:17] states: 'You shall surely admonish your colleague.'" (Mishneh Torah 6:6)

• Admonish: Gently point out a wrong to help someone improve. This is revolutionary! Instead of bottling up anger and letting it turn into hatred, you are commanded to bring it into the open. It's about direct, honest, but non-confrontational communication. This isn't about yelling or shaming; it's about opening a dialogue. The example he gives from King David's son Absalom hating Amnon silently, eventually leading to murder, shows the destructive power of unexpressed, hidden animosity.

And what if they apologize? "If, afterwards, [the person who committed the wrong] asks [his colleague] to forgive him, he must do so. A person should not be cruel when forgiving." (Mishneh Torah 6:6) Forgiveness is not just an option; it's an obligation, a path to healing for both parties. It requires letting go of the desire for payback and choosing peace.

This insight teaches us that "love your neighbor" isn't passive. It's active. It demands we address internal hatred, communicate openly, and practice generous forgiveness.

Insight 3: The Delicate Art of Admonishment and the Great Sin of Embarrassment

Building on the idea of admonishment, the Rambam gives us a masterclass in how to do it effectively and ethically. This is crucial for maintaining relationships and helping others grow.

"It is a mitzvah for a person who sees that his fellow Jew has sinned or is following an improper path [to attempt] to correct his behavior... as [Leviticus 19:17] states: 'You shall surely admonish your colleague.'" (Mishneh Torah 6:7)

• Mitzvah: A divine commandment or good deed. This obligation applies to both wrongs against us (as in Insight 2) and wrongs against God (sins). It’s about caring enough to help someone stay on a good path.

But here’s the critical part: how you do it. "A person who rebukes a colleague... should rebuke him privately. He should speak to him patiently and gently, informing him that he is only making these statements for his colleague's own welfare, to allow him to merit the life of the world to come." (Mishneh Torah 6:7)

• Rebuke privately: Address a wrong one-on-one, not in front of others. The goal is not to punish or shame, but to help. This requires immense sensitivity, patience, and a genuine desire for the other person’s good. You're not trying to win an argument or prove a point; you're trying to inspire growth. He even says you might need to repeat the rebuke "a second and third time," even "until the latter strikes him and tells him: 'I will not listen.'" This shows the depth of the obligation, but also implies that once the person truly refuses, your obligation is done.

Then comes a powerful warning about how not to admonish: "At first, a person who admonishes a colleague should not speak to him harshly until he becomes embarrassed as [Leviticus 19:17] states: '[You should]... not bear a sin because of him.'" (Mishneh Torah 6:8)

• Bear a sin because of him: Do not cause yourself to sin by shaming another. This means that while you're trying to help someone avoid sin, you must not commit a sin yourself by shaming them. Public embarrassment, in particular, is highlighted as a "great sin." Our Sages even said: "A person who embarrasses a colleague in public does not have a share in the world to come." (Mishneh Torah 6:8) This is a stark warning. It means the spiritual damage of publicly shaming someone is incredibly severe. It strips a person of their dignity, which is considered an attack on their very essence.

Therefore, the Rambam emphasizes: "a person should be careful not to embarrass a colleague... in public, and not to call him a name which embarrasses him or to relate a matter that brings him shame in his presence." (Mishneh Torah 6:8) This applies to everyone, "whether of great or lesser stature."

There's a nuanced exception: "However, in regard to spiritual matters, if [a transgressor] does not repent [after being admonished] in private, he may be put to shame in public and his sin may be publicized... until he repents, as was the practice of all the prophets of Israel." (Mishneh Torah 6:8) This is a very specific, rare, and advanced instruction for public figures or community leaders dealing with widespread, unrepented public sin that impacts the entire community. For individuals in personal interactions, the primary rule is always gentleness and privacy. This is not an open invitation to shame others.

This insight gives us a framework for constructive criticism and reminds us of the profound value of human dignity. It also touches on gossip (lashon horah) (Mishneh Torah 7:1-5) and revenge/grudge (Mishneh Torah 7:6-8) as extensions of harming others through speech or lingering negativity.

• Gossip: Spreading true but negative information about someone.
• Revenge: Retaliating for a past wrong.
• Grudge: Harboring resentment and remembering past wrongs. The Rambam considers gossip equivalent to idol worship, forbidden sexual relations, and murder in its severity because it "kills three [people], the one who speaks it, the one who listens to it, and the one about whom it is spoken." (Mishneh Torah 7:3) And revenge and grudges are "very bad traits" that prevent a "stable environment" among people. (Mishneh Torah 7:6, 7:8) These are practical ways we can uphold the mitzvah to "love your neighbor as yourself."

Apply It

Okay, so we've covered a lot of profound wisdom today, from choosing your company to speaking your truth with kindness, and avoiding the pitfalls of hidden hate and public shaming. It might feel like a big meal of insights, so let's pick just one tiny, doable practice to try out this week. Something that takes less than 60 seconds a day, but can have a surprising impact.

This week, let's focus on "The Influence Check-In."

This practice connects directly to the Rambam's very first point: "It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates." He urges us to seek out the "wise" and "righteous" and keep away from influences that might pull us down.

Here's how to do it:

Your 60-Second Practice: The Influence Check-In

For the next few days, take just a moment, maybe when you wake up, or before bed, to simply observe your environment and interactions. This isn't about judging others or making big changes immediately. It's about becoming more aware of the subtle (and not-so-subtle) influences around you.

1. Observe Your Company: Briefly reflect on who you spent the most time with today. What was the general "vibe" of those interactions? Did you feel uplifted, inspired, calm, or did you feel drained, stressed, or pulled towards negativity?
2. Observe Your Digital Diet: Quickly scan your social media feed, or think about the podcasts, news, or shows you consumed. What messages or energies were you absorbing? Did they align with the kind of person you want to be?
3. No Judgment, Just Awareness: The key is to simply notice, without judgment. There's no "good" or "bad" score here. It's just information. "Oh, I spent a lot of time today with friends who were really supportive, and I feel energized." Or, "Hmm, I scrolled through a lot of news that left me feeling anxious."

Why this practice?

The Rambam teaches that our "character and actions" are shaped by our associates. This means our environment isn't just a backdrop; it's an active ingredient in who we become. By doing this simple "Influence Check-In," you're cultivating mindfulness. You're learning to identify patterns and understand how different people and information sources affect your mood, your thoughts, and your energy.

This awareness is the first step towards intentional living. You're not promising to cut anyone off or change your entire routine overnight. You're simply gathering data. Over time, this subtle shift in awareness can empower you to make small, conscious choices about where you direct your attention and energy, gradually leaning towards those "wise" and "righteous" influences that help you flourish, just as the Rambam advises. It's a gentle way to start taking ownership of your personal growth journey.

Chevruta Mini

A "chevruta" is a traditional Jewish learning partnership, where friends study and discuss texts together. It's a fantastic way to deepen your understanding and hear different perspectives. Grab a friend (or just yourself!) and ponder these questions:

1. The Rambam tells us that our "character and actions" are shaped by our friends and environment, even suggesting extreme measures like moving or seeking seclusion if necessary. In our modern, highly connected world (think social media, online communities, news cycles), how do you identify the "wise" and "righteous" influences you want to "cleave" to, and how do you "keep away from the wicked" without isolating yourself entirely? What practical steps can you take to curate your "digital company"?
2. The Rambam places immense importance on gentle, private admonishment, and severely warns against public embarrassment. Can you think of a real-life situation (either from your own experience or something you've observed) where someone tried to correct another person? What was the outcome if the admonishment was gentle and private versus harsh or public? What did that situation teach you about the power and pitfalls of trying to help someone improve?

Takeaway

Remember this: Our relationships, the words we speak, and the feelings we nurture are powerful tools for shaping ourselves and building a better world.