Mishneh Torah, Kings and Wars 10-12

Welcome, Fellow Traveler on the Parenting Path!

Bless the chaos, dear parents. Seriously, bless it. In the whirlwind of spilled milk, forgotten permission slips, and endless "why" questions, you are doing sacred work. We're here to grab a quick coffee (or tea, or whatever gets you through) and find a spark of ancient wisdom to light up your modern parenting journey. No guilt trips, just micro-wins and a whole lot of love.

Insight

Parenting, at its heart, is an act of profound hope. It's about raising children not just for today, but for a future we deeply believe in, one where the world is more just, more peaceful, and more filled with the knowledge of the Divine. Today's text from the Mishneh Torah, Kings and Wars, seems at first glance to be a dense legal and theological discussion about the laws governing non-Jews (Noachides), the intricacies of conversion, and the grand vision of the Messianic era. But beneath the surface, it offers us a powerful framework for what we truly aspire to for our children and for humanity: a world transformed by universal kindness, ethical behavior, and a shared pursuit of goodness.

Let's zoom out for a moment. The Rambam begins by outlining the seven Noachide commandments – fundamental moral laws incumbent upon all humanity, regardless of their Jewish identity. These include prohibitions against idolatry, blasphemy, murder, sexual immorality, theft, and eating from a live animal, alongside the commandment to establish courts of justice. What does this teach us as parents? It reminds us that ethical living isn't just a "Jewish thing"; it's a human thing. Our children are born into a world of diverse beliefs and backgrounds, and our first job is to instill in them these universal values: respect for life, honesty, justice, and decency. We teach them not just because it's our tradition, but because these are the foundational building blocks for any healthy society. When we encourage our child to share a toy, to be honest about a mistake, or to stand up for someone being treated unfairly, we're not just teaching good manners; we're initiating them into the Noachide covenant, the universal moral code that unites us all. We're showing them that their actions have a ripple effect, connecting them to a global community striving for basic human dignity.

The text then delves into the nuances of intentional versus inadvertent transgression, even for Noachides. While the legal specifics are complex, the takeaway for us is profound: intent matters, and so does knowledge. "For he should have learned the obligations incumbent upon him and did not," the text states regarding one who transgresses due to ignorance. This isn't about shaming, but about responsibility. As parents, this underscores our role in educating our children, not just about what to do, but why. Why do we light Shabbat candles? Why do we give tzedakah? Why do we treat others with respect? When children understand the "why," their actions become more meaningful, more intentional, and more deeply ingrained. We are not just setting rules; we are transmitting a legacy of knowledge and understanding. It’s about cultivating moral literacy, teaching them to think critically about their actions and their impact, ensuring they don't stumble due to a lack of understanding. This process is gradual, mirroring their developmental stages. A toddler learns not to hit; a preschooler learns to apologize; a pre-teen learns about social justice. Each stage builds on the last, fostering a deeper understanding of their obligations to themselves, their community, and the world.

Perhaps one of the most heartwarming and directly applicable sections for parents is the Rambam's discussion on how Jews are commanded to interact with non-Jews. "However, our Sages commanded us to visit the gentiles when ill, to bury their dead in addition to the Jewish dead, and support their poor in addition to the Jewish poor for the sake of peace. Behold, Psalms 145:9 states: 'God is good to all and His mercies extend over all His works' and Proverbs 3:17 states: 'The Torah's ways are pleasant ways and all its paths are peace.'" (Mishneh Torah, Kings and Wars 10:12). This is an explicit directive for universal chesed, for acts of loving-kindness that extend beyond our immediate community. It’s not just about tolerance; it’s about active engagement and support, driven by the profound understanding that God's goodness is universal. For parents, this is a powerful mandate. How do we teach our children to be "good to all"? By modeling it. By visiting a sick neighbor, regardless of their faith. By participating in community clean-up days alongside people from diverse backgrounds. By donating to food drives that serve all in need. By fostering friendships with children from other cultures and religions. We are raising citizens of the world, individuals who embody the principle that the "Torah's ways are pleasant ways and all its paths are peace." This isn't just an abstract ideal; it's a daily practice of empathy, compassion, and building bridges, which are precisely the qualities we want to see in our children.

The text culminates in a breathtaking vision of the Messianic era. It's not about magic or the suspension of natural law; it's about a world where human potential is fully realized. "There will be neither famine or war, envy or competition for good will flow in abundance and all the delights will be freely available as dust. The occupation of the entire world will be solely to know God... The world will be filled with the knowledge of God as the waters cover the ocean bed." (Mishneh Torah, Kings and Wars 12:5). This vision is critical for our parenting. We are not just raising children to survive; we are raising them to thrive in a world that can and will be perfected. This vision gives purpose to every mitzvah, every act of learning, every moment of kindness. It teaches our children that their efforts contribute to something far greater than themselves – to the ongoing tikkun olam, the repair of the world. Even the Rambam's nuanced discussion of other faiths, acknowledging that they "will only serve to prepare the way for Mashiach's coming and the improvement of the entire world, motivating the nations to serve God together" (Mishneh Torah, Kings and Wars 11:4), allows us to teach our children respect and understanding for different spiritual paths, recognizing that universal aspiration for good.

The Messianic vision isn't about waiting for a miraculous intervention, but about active participation. The Mashiach will "compel all of Israel to walk in (the way of the Torah) and rectify the breaches in its observance, and fight the wars of God." This means our efforts now are the foundation. Our daily struggles to teach patience, compassion, and responsibility are the "wars of God" we fight in our homes. Every time we encourage our child to apologize, to help a sibling, to learn something new about their heritage, we are "rectifying breaches" and building the character necessary for a perfected world. This perspective transforms mundane parenting tasks into acts of profound spiritual significance. The "good-enough" parent who tries their best, who celebrates small victories, is precisely the parent who is building towards that future. The Rambam even warns against trying to calculate the exact time of Mashiach's coming, emphasizing instead the importance of "await[ing] and believ[ing] in the general conception of the matter." This is a powerful lesson in patience and faith for parents. We don't need to see the finished product immediately; we just need to keep planting the seeds, believing in the process, and doing our part.

Moreover, the commentaries enrich our understanding. The Ohr Sameach, for instance, delves into the distinction between Noachide laws known to prophets versus those learned through Moses. While detailed, this highlights the concept of transmitted knowledge and the continuous revelation and interpretation of divine will. For parents, it underscores the importance of passing down our traditions, stories, and laws – not just as static rules, but as a dynamic and evolving conversation with generations past and future. The Teshuvah MeYirah discusses the nuances of accepting charity from non-Jews, indicating that universal acts of goodness (like charity) are valued, even if the legal specifics of their application differ. This reinforces the core message of universal human value and the importance of all acts of kindness in the world.

In essence, this text empowers us to see our parenting as a direct contribution to the Messianic vision. We are raising the generation that will either experience this perfected world or lay the groundwork for it. Every time we choose kindness over anger, understanding over judgment, and teaching over simply telling, we are not just raising a child; we are raising a harbinger of the Messianic age. We are instilling the values of derech eretz (good conduct), universal chesed, and the pursuit of tikkun olam. So, bless your chaotic, beautiful, messy home, and know that in every small effort, you are doing the most important work in the world. You are building not just a family, but a piece of the world to come, one loving, patient, and hope-filled moment at a time.

Text Snapshot

"However, our Sages commanded us to visit the gentiles when ill, to bury their dead in addition to the Jewish dead, and support their poor in addition to the Jewish poor for the sake of peace. Behold, Psalms 145:9 states: 'God is good to all and His mercies extend over all His works' and Proverbs 3:17 states: 'The Torah's ways are pleasant ways and all its paths are peace.'" — Mishneh Torah, Kings and Wars 10:12

Activity

The "Peace & Kindness Garden" (10 minutes, expandable!)

This week, we're going to cultivate a "Peace & Kindness Garden" in our home. It's inspired by the Rambam's vision of universal kindness and peace, and the idea that every small act contributes to a more beautiful world – just like every seed helps a garden grow. This activity is designed to be flexible, joyful, and a wonderful way to celebrate your family's daily efforts in making the world a kinder, more peaceful place. No need for perfection, just participation!

What You'll Need:

• A "Garden Plot": A large piece of paper (or a whiteboard, or even a section of a wall).
• "Seeds of Kindness": Small sticky notes, or small slips of paper and tape.
• Drawing/Writing Utensils: Markers, crayons, pens.
• Optional Decorations: Stickers, glitter, whatever makes it fun!

How to Grow Your Garden:

Step 1: Plant the "Garden Plot" (1-2 minutes)

• Gather your child(ren) and announce: "We're going to make a 'Peace & Kindness Garden' this week!"
• Affix your large paper "garden plot" somewhere visible in your home – perhaps the kitchen, a hallway, or a child’s bedroom.
• Together, write a title at the top: "Our Family's Peace & Kindness Garden." You can draw a simple border of flowers or leaves if time allows.

Step 2: Sow the Seeds of Discussion (2-3 minutes)

• Connect to the Text: Briefly share the idea from the Rambam: "Our Sages taught that we should be kind to everyone – visiting those who are sick, helping those in need – because 'God is good to all' and 'the Torah's ways are peace.' Just like God's kindness extends to everyone, our kindness can too!"
• Brainstorm: Ask your child(ren): "What does peace look like in our home? What does kindness look like? How can we make someone feel good or help someone, today or this week?"
  • For younger children: Focus on simple actions: "Sharing my blocks," "Giving a hug," "Saying 'please' and 'thank you'," "Helping put toys away."
  • For older children: Expand to community: "Holding the door for a stranger," "Drawing a picture for a lonely neighbor," "Helping a friend with homework," "Saying sorry when I made a mistake," "Not arguing when I disagree."
• Explain: "Every time we do something peaceful or kind, we're going to write it on a 'seed' (sticky note/slip of paper) and 'plant' it in our garden!"

Step 3: Cultivate Daily Acts (Ongoing, ~5 minutes per "planting")

• The Act of "Planting": Throughout the day or week, whenever you or your child performs an act of kindness or peace, big or small:
  1. Acknowledge: "Wow, that was so kind of you to help your brother!" or "I noticed you were really patient when you didn't get your way, that's making peace!"
  2. Write it Down: Have the child (or you, if they're too young) write or draw a picture of the act on a "seed" (sticky note). Examples: "Helped Daddy with dishes," "Shared my snack with Sarah," "Didn't shout when I was mad," "Smiled at the cashier," "Gave Grandma a call."
  3. "Plant" it: Stick the "seed" onto the "garden plot." Encourage them to draw a flower or leaf around it if they like!
• Parental Modeling: Make sure to "plant" your own acts of kindness and peace too! "I made sure to call our friend who was feeling down, that felt like kindness." "I took a deep breath instead of getting frustrated, that brought peace to my moment." This shows them it’s a family effort.

Step 4: Harvest & Celebrate (Weekly, 5-10 minutes)

• Choose a Time: Perhaps during Shabbat dinner, or at the end of the week.
• Review the Garden: Gather around your "Peace & Kindness Garden."
• Read & Reflect: Take turns reading some of the "seeds."
  • "Look at all these amazing acts of kindness and peace we've grown this week!"
  • "How did it feel when you did this kind thing?"
  • "How do you think [the person you helped] felt?"
  • "How did making peace in that moment help our family?"
• Bless the Efforts: Emphasize that every single "seed" counts. "Even the smallest act of kindness makes a difference, just like the Rambam taught us that God's goodness is everywhere. You are helping to fill our home and the world with more peace and kindness!"
• Re-plant or Start Anew: You can choose to leave the garden growing, or clear it and start a fresh plot next week, symbolizing continuous growth and new opportunities.

Why This Activity Works for Busy Parents:

• Micro-Moments: Each "planting" takes only a minute or two. The bulk of the activity is integrated into daily life.
• Visual Reinforcement: Children love to see their efforts accumulate. The growing garden is a powerful visual reminder of their positive impact.
• Flexible: No strict adherence needed. Some weeks you might have many "seeds," some weeks fewer. It's all good! The goal is awareness and celebration, not a perfect count.
• Positive Framing: Focuses on what they did well, boosting self-esteem and encouraging more positive behavior.
• Deep Jewish Connection: Directly links daily actions to profound Jewish values of chesed, shalom, and tikkun olam, making abstract concepts tangible. It helps them understand that they are active participants in bringing about a better world, a world where the knowledge of God fills the earth.

Remember, dear parent, you are planting seeds far greater than you know. Every tiny act of kindness you model and encourage is building the foundation for a Messianic world. Celebrate every single "seed" planted, because you're doing amazing work!

Script

The Awkward Question: "Why do we believe Mashiach hasn't come yet when other people believe he has?" (30-second script)

This is a powerful and insightful question, reflecting your child's growing awareness of the diverse world around them. The Mishneh Torah directly addresses this, noting that Jesus and Mohammed ultimately serve to "prepare the way for Mashiach's coming and the improvement of the entire world, motivating the nations to serve God together." This gives us a beautiful framework: we can affirm our beliefs while respecting the good intentions and spiritual journeys of others.

Here's a 30-second script, followed by some important context and tips for delivery:

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Parent: "That's a really thoughtful question, sweetie! It's true that different people have different beliefs about the Mashiach. In Judaism, our Torah and our wise teachers tell us that when the Mashiach comes, the whole world will be filled with peace, everyone will know God, and there will be no more war, hunger, or fighting. We haven't quite seen that yet, right? So, we believe Mashiach hasn't come yet, and it's our job to keep doing mitzvot, being kind, and making the world a better, more peaceful place. We respect that others have their own paths, and it's wonderful that so many people are also thinking about bringing more goodness and spirituality into the world. Our job is to focus on our path, and work towards that amazing, peaceful future we believe in."

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Why This Script Works:

1. Affirms Your Child's Question: Starting with "That's a really thoughtful question!" validates their curiosity and makes them feel heard, opening the door for a meaningful conversation.
2. Focuses on Jewish Beliefs Positively: The script articulates our belief in Mashiach based on Torah, without needing to negate or criticize other faiths directly. We define our vision, which is one of universal peace and knowledge of God. This aligns perfectly with the Rambam's description of the Messianic era.
3. Highlights the "Not Yet" Reality: "We haven't quite seen that yet, right?" is a gentle way to point out the current state of the world (war, hunger, etc.) without judgment, making it clear why our tradition believes Mashiach is still to come. The Rambam explicitly states that the Messianic era will be free of famine, war, envy, or competition – clearly not our current reality.
4. Emphasizes Our Role: "It's our job to keep doing mitzvot, being kind, and making the world a better, more peaceful place." This empowers your child, giving them agency in the grand vision. It connects their daily actions to the Messianic dream, reinforcing the idea of tikkun olam (repairing the world) and our active partnership with God.
5. Models Respect & Inclusivity: "We respect that others have their own paths, and it's wonderful that so many people are also thinking about bringing more goodness and spirituality into the world." This is crucial. The Rambam himself, in a complex passage, acknowledges that the spread of Christianity and Islam, despite their theological differences, has ultimately served to spread the concepts of Mashiach, Torah, and mitzvot globally, thus "prepar[ing] the way for Mashiach's coming." This allows us to find common ground in the shared human aspiration for a better world, teaching our children to embrace diversity while holding firm to their own identity.
6. Keeps it Age-Appropriate: The language is simple and focuses on tangible outcomes (peace, kindness, no war) rather than abstract theology or criticisms of other religions.

Tips for Delivery:

• Be Calm and Confident: Your demeanor speaks volumes. If you're comfortable with the answer, your child will be too.
• Eye Contact: Engage with your child directly.
• Listen to Follow-Up Questions: Be prepared for "But why don't they believe that?" or "So are they wrong?" If these come up, you can gently reiterate: "Their traditions teach them something different, and that's okay. Just like we have our special traditions, they have theirs. What matters is that we all try to be good people and make the world better."
• Reiterate Focus on Action: Always bring it back to what we do. "Our focus is on living our Jewish values and doing our part to bring peace."
• It's a Conversation, Not a Lecture: This 30-second script is a starting point. It's okay if it leads to more questions. The goal is to provide a clear, positive, and respectful foundation. You don't need to have all the answers in one go.
• Repeat as Needed: Kids often need to hear things multiple times. Don't worry if this conversation comes up again. Each time is an opportunity to reinforce these values.

This approach teaches your child a profound lesson: strength in one's own identity goes hand-in-hand with respect for others. It shows them that Jewish tradition is rich, meaningful, and provides a hopeful vision for the future, without needing to diminish anyone else's journey.

Habit

The "Good for All" Moment (Micro-Habit for the Week)

This week's micro-habit is designed to help your family consciously connect daily actions to the universal message of kindness and peace found in our text. It’s a tiny moment that yields big returns in fostering gratitude, awareness, and a sense of purpose.

The Habit:

Once a day, take 30 seconds to initiate a "Good for All" Moment with your child. This can be before bedtime, during dinner, or even in the car. Simply ask:

"What's one thing we did today, big or small, that brought a little more peace or kindness into the world, or made someone feel good?"

How to Implement:

• Choose a Consistent Time: Linking it to an existing routine (like brushing teeth, saying Shema, or dinner prep) makes it easier to remember.
• Keep it Brief: This is not a long discussion. Just one quick thought or example.
• No Pressure: If your child can't think of anything, you can offer an example you observed, or even something you did. "I remember you shared your crayons with your friend, that was really kind!" or "I made sure to hold the door for someone at the store today."
• Celebrate the Small Stuff: Emphasize that any act of kindness or peace, no matter how tiny, counts. "Even a smile can make someone feel good!"
• It's Okay to Miss a Day: Don't stress if you forget. Just pick it up the next day. This is about building a gentle awareness, not perfection.

Why This Habit Matters:

This micro-habit directly connects to the Rambam's teaching that "God is good to all and His mercies extend over all His works," and that "The Torah's ways are pleasant ways and all its paths are peace." By regularly reflecting on acts of kindness and peace, you are:

• Cultivating Awareness: Helping your child notice opportunities for chesed and shalom.
• Reinforcing Positive Behavior: Acknowledging good deeds encourages more of them.
• Building a Sense of Purpose: Showing children that their actions contribute to making the world a better, more Messianic place.
• Fostering Empathy: Encouraging them to think about how their actions impact others.

Remember, dear parent, you are nurturing future builders of a perfected world. This small daily reflection helps plant those seeds of intention and action. Bless your efforts, and enjoy this moment of connection!

Takeaway

Parenting is a partnership with the Divine, shaping souls who will build a world filled with universal kindness and peace. Every small act of chesed and every moment of hope we instill helps bring that Messianic vision closer. Bless the chaos, celebrate your micro-wins, and keep nurturing those beautiful souls.