Mishneh Torah, Foreign Worship and Customs of the Nations 6

Insight

At first glance, studying Maimonides’ laws regarding ov (necromancy) and yid’oni (divination) feels like stepping into a dark, archaic museum. We aren't exactly worried about our toddlers practicing ancient incantations with a wand of myrtle or a bird bone in their mouths. However, if we look past the historical severity of the stoning penalties and the strange rituals described in Chapter 6 of Hilchot Avodah Zarah, we find a profound parenting lesson about the human desire for certainty and the "shortcuts" we take when life feels chaotic.

As parents, we live in a state of chronic uncertainty. We want to know if our kids will thrive, if our choices are right, and if we are "enough." The ov and yid’oni practices Maimonides describes were essentially attempts to bypass the natural, often painful, process of living and waiting. They were efforts to grab hold of the future or control the un-controllable through mystical "hacks." Today, we don’t use skulls or incense, but we do use algorithms, parenting influencers, and endless anxiety-driven searches to try to predict or manipulate our children's futures. We want a "voice from the earth" to tell us our kids are going to be okay, and we want it now.

Maimonides’ insistence that these practices are prohibited isn’t just about avoiding "idolatry"—it’s about protecting our relationship with reality. When we obsess over control, we stop being present. We pass our children through the "fire" of our own anxieties, demanding they perform, behave, or succeed in ways that serve our need for security rather than their individual growth. The Torah’s warning, "Do not turn to the ovot," is a call to return to the here and now. It is a reminder that we aren't meant to have the powers of a sorcerer; we are meant to be partners in the slow, mundane, and beautiful work of raising humans.

When we feel the urge to "consult the spirits" (or, in modern terms, to panic-scroll through parenting advice or force our kids into rigid molds to ensure a specific outcome), we are missing the point of the covenant. Real Jewish parenting is about faith in the process, even when the future is opaque. It’s about being "good enough" in the messy, un-staged moments. We don't need magic to secure our children's future; we need the quiet, consistent, and imperfect presence of a parent who trusts that they don’t need to know the end of the story to love the beginning.

Text Snapshot

"Do not turn to the ovot or the yid'onim... There shall not be found among you one who passes his son or daughter through fire." — Leviticus 19:31; Deuteronomy 18:10

"The father of the child is the one who passes his child through the fire with the priests' permission... He passes him through the fire from one side to the other." — Mishneh Torah, Foreign Worship and Customs of the Nations 6:3

Activity: The "Nothing-to-Do" 10-Minute Zone

The ancient prohibitions against "passing children through the fire" were about control. Today, we often "pass our children through the fire" of our own busy schedules, screens, and pressure to succeed. For this week’s activity, we are doing the exact opposite: we are doing nothing.

The Setup: Set a timer for 10 minutes. Tell your kids, "For the next ten minutes, we aren't doing anything productive. No chores, no lessons, no 'building' time, no screens."

The Practice: Sit or lie on the floor together. The goal is to simply exist in the same space without an agenda. If they get bored, let them be bored. If they want to talk, listen without offering solutions or "teaching." If they want to be silent, be silent.

The Goal: By intentionally resisting the urge to "direct" or "improve" our children for 10 minutes, we practice the art of letting them be. We remind ourselves that we do not need to perform rituals of control to be good parents. We are breaking the habit of treating our children as projects to be optimized and returning to the practice of simply being their parents. If you feel that familiar itch to "fix" the silence with a question or a task, take a deep breath, acknowledge the anxiety, and let it pass. You are safe, they are safe, and the future can wait.

Script: When Kids Ask "Why?"

Children are natural philosophers. If they see you putting away your phone or refusing to "Google the answer" to a parenting stressor, they might ask, "Why are you acting like that?" Here is a 30-second script for the awkward moment when your internal anxiety meets their curiosity:

"You know, sometimes I feel like I need to know exactly what’s going to happen tomorrow or how to be the perfect parent. It’s like I’m looking for a magic answer to make everything feel easy. But the truth is, I don’t have a magic wand or a secret way to see the future. My job isn't to be a wizard who controls everything; it’s just to be here with you, right now. I’m practicing being okay with not knowing the answers, because I want to spend my time enjoying you instead of worrying about the 'what-ifs.' It’s hard, but it makes me a much happier person when I’m just hanging out with you."

Habit: The "Wait-Three-Seconds" Rule

This week, implement the "Wait-Three-Seconds" Rule. Whenever you feel a surge of parenting anxiety—the urge to look up an answer, force a correction, or panic about a milestone—physically stop for three seconds. Take one deep breath, look at your child’s face, and ask yourself: Is this about my need for control, or is this about their actual need right now? By creating this tiny micro-gap, you move from reaction (the "sorcery" of control) to connection (the reality of the relationship). It’s a small, "good-enough" win that keeps you grounded in the present.

Takeaway

Jewish parenting isn't about having all the answers or predicting the future; it’s about having the courage to be present without needing to control the outcome. Let go of the "fire" of perfectionism, bless the chaos, and trust that your presence is the only magic your child actually needs.