Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions 6

Welcome, fellow journeyer! Ever feel like the people around you subtly (or not-so-subtly!) shape who you are? Maybe you’ve noticed how hard it can be to stick to your values when everyone else seems to be doing something different. Or perhaps you just want to be a kinder, more thoughtful person, but sometimes it feels like a real challenge to know how to do that, especially when emotions run high or when you feel wronged.

These are incredibly human experiences, and guess what? Jewish wisdom has been grappling with these exact questions for thousands of years! Today, we’re going to peek into the mind of one of Judaism’s greatest thinkers, the Rambam, and explore how his ancient insights can offer super practical guidance for building a life filled with good choices, positive influences, and genuine kindness. So, grab a comfy seat (maybe even a virtual cup of tea!), and let's uncover some timeless wisdom together.

Context

Let's get to know the source of our wisdom today:

• Who: Our guide is a brilliant mind known as the Rambam. His full name was Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon, and he was a super-smart Jewish scholar. He lived a long, long time ago, but his ideas are still fresh!
• What: The Rambam wrote a massive, super-organized book called the Mishneh Torah. Think of it as a comprehensive code of Jewish law, covering everything from daily prayers to how to treat your neighbors. It’s like a Jewish encyclopedia of wisdom!
• When: The Rambam lived in the 12th century, so he wrote this book around 800 years ago. Imagine that – ideas from so long ago still offering fresh insights for our modern lives! Truly amazing.
• Where: He lived and taught in places like Spain, Morocco, and ultimately, Egypt. His teachings traveled far and wide, influencing Jewish communities (and even non-Jewish thinkers) across the globe.
• Key Idea: The section we're looking at today is from a part of the Mishneh Torah called Human Dispositions. This part is all about how we develop our character. It's not just about following rules; it's about becoming a good person from the inside out. The Rambam helps us understand how our habits, our friends, and our community choices build the kind of person we are and want to be. It’s a very practical guide for personal growth, focusing on the everyday choices that shape our souls.

Text Snapshot

Here’s a taste of what the Rambam says about choosing our influences and treating others:

"It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior. Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds." (Proverbs 13:20, Psalms 1:1)

"It is a positive commandment to cleave unto the wise and their disciples... as [Deuteronomy 10:20] states: 'and you will cling to Him.' Our Sages explained this commandment to mean: Cleave unto the wise and their disciples."

"Each man is commanded to love each and every one of Israel as himself as [Leviticus 19:18] states: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Therefore, one should speak the praises of [others] and show concern for their money just as he is concerned with his own money and seeks his own honor."

"Whoever hates a [fellow] Jew in his heart transgresses a Torah prohibition as [Leviticus 19:17] states: 'Do not hate your brother in your heart.' ... When one person wrongs another, the latter should not remain silent and despise him... Rather, he is commanded to make the matter known and ask him: 'Why did you do this to me?'... as [Leviticus 19:17] states: 'You shall surely admonish your colleague.'"

"It is forbidden for a person to embarrass a [fellow] Jew. How much more so [is it forbidden to embarrass him] in public... 'A person who embarrasses a colleague in public does not have a share in the world to come.'"

You can find the full text here: https://www.sefaria.org/Mishneh_Torah%2C_Human_Dispositions_6

Close Reading

Let's unpack some of these incredible insights from the Rambam, seeing how they offer us practical wisdom for our own lives.

Insight 1: Your Squad Shapes You

The Rambam kicks things off with a profound truth that feels incredibly relevant today: "It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior." This isn't just a suggestion; it's a fundamental observation about human nature. We are social creatures, and the people we spend time with, the conversations we have, and even the unspoken expectations of our community all leave a mark on us. Think about it: have you ever picked up a new phrase or hobby from a friend? Or felt swayed by popular opinion, even if it wasn't quite what you believed? That's exactly what the Rambam is talking about. Your "squad," as we might call it today, truly shapes you, whether you realize it or not. The great Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, a modern commentator, further explains this idea, saying that a person's "habit is from his nature," meaning we naturally fall into patterns based on our environment.

Because this influence is so powerful, the Rambam gives us incredibly strong advice: "Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds." This isn't about being judgmental or exclusive. It's about self-preservation and self-improvement. Who are the "wise" and "righteous" people he's talking about? Not necessarily just the smartest folks in the room, but those who embody good character, live ethically, and strive for kindness. They are the people whose actions you admire, whose integrity you respect, and whose presence lifts you up. On the flip side, "wicked" here doesn't necessarily mean evil villains, but rather people whose habits, attitudes, or actions might pull you down, make you feel less than your best self, or lead you to compromise your own values. Steinsaltz adds, "He who joins the wise will become wise, while the friend of fools will be harmed by their company." It's a clear warning and a clear encouragement.

The Rambam takes this idea even further, connecting it to a core Jewish concept: "It is a positive commandment to cleave unto the wise and their disciples... as [Deuteronomy 10:20] states: 'and you will cling to Him.' Our Sages explained this commandment to mean: Cleave unto the wise and their disciples." This is profound! A mitzvah is a commandment or good deed in Jewish tradition. The Torah tells us to "cling to God," but how can a human being "cling" to the Divine, to something so vast and spiritual? Our ancient Sages (wise teachers) understood this beautifully. They said that we "cling to God" by clinging to those who embody God's wisdom and ways – the truly wise. By spending time with, learning from, and being inspired by people who strive to live good, ethical, God-conscious lives, we ourselves become closer to God. This isn't just good advice; it's a spiritual path. When you surround yourself with people who uplift you and inspire your best self, you are fulfilling a deep spiritual commandment.

The Rambam even considers extreme situations. What if you live in a place where the general vibe is just not good? "A person who lives in a place where the norms of behavior are evil... should move to a place where the people are righteous." He truly believes your environment is that crucial. And if moving isn't possible, or if the whole world seems to be going a bit off track, he suggests "remaining alone in seclusion," like the verse "Let him sit alone and be silent." This is a stark reminder of how seriously he takes the influence of our surroundings. If the pressure to conform to negative behaviors is overwhelming, he even suggests going to "caves, thickets, and deserts" rather than compromising one's values. While these might sound like dramatic, ancient solutions, the underlying message is powerful: protect your inner self, your values, and your spiritual path above all else, even if it means stepping away from the crowd. Steinsaltz's commentary on the verse "Who will give me a lodging place for wayfarers, in the desert" underscores this, stating, "I wish I were in the desert... and not in settlements where wicked people live." The Rambam isn't telling us to be hermits for no reason, but to be fiercely protective of our character.

Practically, this means intentionally choosing our influences. It's about seeking out mentors, friends, communities, even books or podcasts, that inspire growth and goodness. It's about being aware of who and what you let into your mental and emotional space. The Rambam even suggests things like trying to marry the daughter of a Torah Sage (a person very learned in Jewish texts), eating and drinking with Sages, or doing business on their behalf. These might seem like very specific historical examples, but the core idea is clear: integrate yourself deeply into the lives of those who embody wisdom and goodness, finding every opportunity to learn from their example and absorb their positive influence. This isn't about being cliquey; it's about being discerning and proactive in shaping your character through your connections.

Insight 2: Love Thy Neighbor, Seriously

Moving from who we hang out with to how we treat everyone, the Rambam brings us to one of Judaism's most famous and fundamental commandments: "Each man is commanded to love each and every one of Israel as himself as [Leviticus 19:18] states: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" This isn't just a nice sentiment you put on a greeting card; it's a mitzvah, a divine directive. And the Rambam takes it very, very seriously, explaining that it involves not just actions but our deepest emotions and attitudes. How can you love someone as yourself? It sounds incredibly challenging! The Rambam clarifies that this means acting towards others the way you would want them to act towards you. It means truly valuing their well-being, their honor, and their possessions as if they were your own.

So, what does this "love" look like in action? The Rambam tells us: "Therefore, one should speak the praises of [others] and show concern for their money just as he is concerned with his own money and seeks his own honor." This is concrete! Instead of gossiping or finding fault, we should actively look for and speak about the good in others. And when it comes to their belongings or reputation, we should guard it with the same care and respect we'd give our own. Imagine if everyone genuinely spoke well of each other and protected each other's honor and resources. What a world that would be! The flip side is also crucial: "Whoever gains honor through the degradation of a colleague does not have a share in the world to come." This is a stark warning. The World to Come refers to the spiritual reward and existence after this life. If you build yourself up by tearing someone else down, Jewish tradition says that's a serious spiritual misstep with eternal consequences.

The Rambam then turns his attention to a special group: converts. A convert is someone who has chosen to join the Jewish people. He states that loving a convert fulfills two positive commandments: one because they are included in the general command to love your neighbor, and a second, specific one from Deuteronomy 10:19, which says, "and you shall love the converts." He even adds, "God has commanded us concerning the love of a convert just as He has commanded us concerning loving Himself... The Holy One, blessed be He, Himself, loves converts." This emphasizes the profound spiritual status of converts and the extra layer of care and love we are meant to extend to them. It's a powerful message of inclusion and welcome.

But what about the opposite of love – hatred? The Rambam addresses this head-on: "Whoever hates a [fellow] Jew in his heart transgresses a Torah prohibition as [Leviticus 19:17] states: 'Do not hate your brother in your heart.'" This is fascinating because it's a prohibition against an internal feeling, not just an action. You aren't "liable for lashes" (the minimum punishment for violating a Torah command) for this because no physical deed is involved. Yet, it's still a serious transgression. The Rambam highlights that the Torah specifically warns against hidden hatred. Why? Because if hatred is kept secret, "there is no possibility of improving relations and establishing unity." It festers, poisons the heart, and prevents reconciliation. If you express your feelings (even if it's not ideal), at least there's a chance to work through it. But silent, simmering resentment is a truly dangerous thing, both for the individual and for the community.

This deep dive into love and hate reminds us that Jewish wisdom isn't just concerned with our outward actions, but with the very core of our being – our thoughts, feelings, and intentions. It's about cultivating a heart that genuinely wishes well for others, seeing them as integral parts of a larger whole, and extending that feeling even to the most vulnerable among us, like orphans and widows. Rabbi Shmuel HaLevi from Nachal Eitan, commenting on the Rambam's discussion of orphans and widows, highlights the profound care commanded for these individuals, noting a scholarly debate on whether the prohibition against mistreating them constitutes one or two separate negative commandments (a lav is a negative commandment). This illustrates the intense scrutiny and emphasis Jewish law places on protecting the vulnerable, ensuring they are treated with utmost respect and consideration, even beyond what might be expected for others.

Insight 3: The Art of Admonishment (and Forgiveness)

So, what do you do when that hidden hatred starts to simmer because someone has wronged you? The Rambam gives us a direct and surprising instruction: "When one person wrongs another, the latter should not remain silent and despise him... Rather, he is commanded to make the matter known and ask him: 'Why did you do this to me?'... as [Leviticus 19:17] states: 'You shall surely admonish your colleague.'" This is a powerful antidote to internal hatred! Instead of letting resentment build silently, you are commanded to speak up. This is called admonishment, but it's not about yelling or shaming. It's about addressing the issue directly and honestly.

How do you do this tricky thing called admonishment? The Rambam provides a masterclass: "A person who rebukes a colleague... should rebuke him privately. He should speak to him patiently and gently, informing him that he is only making these statements for his colleague's own welfare, to allow him to merit the life of the world to come." Wow! This isn't about letting off steam or punishing someone. It's a loving act, done with the ultimate goal of helping the other person grow, learn, and improve their spiritual standing. It must be private, to avoid embarrassment. It must be patient and gentle, because no one responds well to aggression. And the motivation must be pure – for their good, not just for your own relief. Rabbi Steinsaltz notes that this gentleness and patience are derived from how God Himself rebuked Miriam and Aaron in the Torah, showing the highest standard for such an interaction. The aim is teshuvah, which means returning to God or the right path. It's about helping them correct their behavior and reconnect with their best selves. And if they don't get it the first time? You might even need to try a second or third time, patiently, until they understand or flat-out refuse to listen.

After admonishment, comes forgiveness. If the person who wronged you asks for forgiveness, "he must do so. A person should not be cruel when forgiving." The Rambam uses the example of Abraham praying for Avimelech, even after Avimelech had wronged him. This teaches us to be "easily pacified and difficult to anger." Forgiveness isn't always easy, but it’s a crucial step for healing, both for the person who wronged you and for your own heart. It's a freeing act.

Now, a crucial warning about how not to admonish: "At first, a person who admonishes a colleague should not speak to him harshly until he becomes embarrassed... From this, [we learn that] it is forbidden for a person to embarrass a [fellow] Jew. How much more so [is it forbidden to embarrass him] in public." Embarrassing someone, especially in public, is a "great sin" in Judaism. The Rambam quotes the Sages: "A person who embarrasses a colleague in public does not have a share in the world to come." This is one of the most severe warnings in Jewish tradition, highlighting just how precious a person's dignity is. It's worse than many other sins because it causes deep, lasting pain to the soul. So, while you must admonish, you must never shame. Your goal is to help, not humiliate.

When is public shaming allowed? Only in very specific, serious spiritual matters, if private rebuke has failed repeatedly, and the behavior is causing a public desecration of God's name. The Rambam mentions that prophets sometimes resorted to this when the entire community was going astray, but this is an extreme measure, not for personal grievances.

Finally, the Rambam reminds us of a very special responsibility: "A person is obligated to show great care for orphans and widows because their spirits are very low and their feelings are depressed." This applies even if they are wealthy because their emotional vulnerability is what matters most. We are commanded "not to mistreat any widow or orphan." How should we treat them? "One should only speak to them gently and treat them only with honor. One should not cause pain to their persons with [overbearing] work or aggravate their feelings with harsh words and [one should] show more consideration for their financial interests than for one's own." This is a profoundly compassionate instruction, recognizing the deep sensitivity of those who have suffered loss. God Himself, the Rambam says, "will take up their cause" if they are wronged. The Torah gives us specific instructions to protect these vulnerable members of society, ensuring they are treated with the utmost gentleness and respect, and that their needs are prioritized. This teaches us to be highly attuned to the emotional state of others, especially those who may be struggling.

Apply It

Okay, we've covered a lot of deep wisdom about who we let into our lives, how we love others, and how we handle conflict. Now, let's pick one tiny, doable thing you can try this week to bring a little bit of this ancient wisdom into your modern life. No pressure, just an option for growth!

This week, let's try "The Wise Spotter" practice. It's all about intentionally seeking out positive influences, inspired by the Rambam's teaching to "associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise."

Here’s how you can do it, taking less than 60 seconds a day:

1. Identify Your "Wise Spot": Think about your daily routine. Is there a moment when you have a minute to yourself? Maybe while you're waiting for coffee, commuting, brushing your teeth, or winding down for bed? This is your "Wise Spot."
2. Choose Your Inspiration: For the next few days, simply choose one person in your life (or even a public figure, author, or teacher you admire) who truly inspires you to be a better person. It could be a family member, a friend, a colleague, or someone whose values you respect. What qualities do they possess that you admire? Is it their patience, their kindness, their integrity, their resilience, their thoughtful approach to life?
3. The 30-Second "Spot": During your chosen "Wise Spot" moment each day, spend just 30-60 seconds thinking about that person. Bring their image or their positive qualities to mind. Ask yourself: "What is one small thing I admire about them?" And then, "How could I bring just a tiny piece of that quality into my day today?"
   • Example: If you admire their patience, maybe you consciously take a deep breath before responding to something that usually frustrates you. If you admire their kindness, maybe you offer a genuine smile to a stranger or a kind word to a family member. If you admire their integrity, maybe you commit to being extra honest in a small interaction.
4. No Pressure, Just Awareness: The goal isn't to become them overnight! It's simply to create a conscious moment where you invite positive influence into your mind and heart. You're "cleaving to the wise" by intentionally reflecting on their goodness and letting it inspire your own choices. You're not promising outcomes, just opening yourself to possibilities.
5. Mix it Up: Feel free to choose a different "wise" person each day or stick with one for the whole week. You could even swap it for a "wise thought" – perhaps a quote you love, or a value you want to embody.

This small practice helps you intentionally shape your inner landscape, reminding you of the good that's possible and gently guiding your character, just as the Rambam suggested. It's a way to actively choose your influences, even if you can't always choose your physical surroundings.

Chevruta Mini

A Chevruta is a traditional Jewish way of learning with a partner, discussing ideas and digging deeper together. Find a friend, family member, or even a willing pet (just kidding, mostly!) and explore these questions:

1. The Rambam says our friends and community profoundly shape us. Can you think of a specific time in your life when someone you spent time with really helped you grow or become a better version of yourself? Or, on the flip side, have you ever recognized the need to step back from a particular influence to protect your own well-being or values? What did you learn from that experience?
2. The command to "love your neighbor as yourself" is such a huge concept, but the Rambam gives us practical examples like speaking praises and protecting their honor. What's one small, concrete way you think you could put this into practice this week, beyond what we discussed in "Apply It"? For example, maybe it's actively listening without interrupting, offering specific, genuine encouragement, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

Takeaway

Being a good person in the Jewish tradition means intentionally choosing who and what influences us, cultivating deep love for others through our actions and thoughts, and speaking truthfully with kindness, all to grow closer to God.