Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions 6

Hey, hey, hey, campers! Are you ready for some serious "Torah on the Trail" tonight? Grab your imaginary s'mores, settle in around our virtual campfire, and let's dive into some wisdom that's got legs – grown-up legs, that is!

Hook

Alright, everyone, let's get our voices warmed up! Who remembers that classic camp song? (Sing-songy, upbeat) "The more we get together, together, together, The more we get together, the happier we'll be! 'Cause your friends are my friends, and my friends are your friends, The more we get together, the happier we'll be!"

That’s it! The energy is palpable! That song isn't just a sweet tune we sang around the campfire; it's a profound truth about human nature, and it’s actually the perfect gateway into our Torah text tonight. Because, whether we realize it or not, who we get together with, who we spend our time alongside, profoundly shapes who we become. And the Rambam, that brilliant sage, he knew it too.

Context

• It's in our nature! The Rambam kicks off this chapter of Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions, by stating something so fundamental it almost feels obvious: "It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior." This isn't a flaw; it's just how we're built. We're social creatures, soaking up the vibes around us like sponges! As Steinsaltz comments, "His custom is from his nature."
• Choose your trail wisely. Given this innate tendency to be influenced, the Rambam doesn't just leave us hanging. He immediately offers guidance: "Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds." It’s like choosing your hiking buddies for a long trek – you want people who will uplift you, encourage you, and help you stay on the right path, not those who might lead you astray or leave you stranded!
• The sapling of the soul. Think of it like a young sapling in the forest. Just like a small sapling grows straight and tall when surrounded by healthy, vibrant trees that offer good soil and sunlight, but can become gnarled and weak if overshadowed by thorny bushes or stunted by a harsh environment, our character is shaped by the environment and the company we choose. If the "local norms" aren't serving your soul, the Rambam even suggests you might need to move or, if that's impossible due to "raiding troops" (a very real concern in his time, and metaphorically, perhaps in ours too!), you should "remain alone in seclusion." He even goes as far as to say that if forced to mingle with the wicked, one should "go out to caves, thickets, and deserts" rather than compromise their values. That’s some serious dedication to character!

Text Snapshot

But here’s where it gets really exciting, transforming from good advice into a mitzvah, a commandment from the Torah itself. The Rambam teaches:

"It is a positive commandment to cleave unto the wise and their disciples in order to learn from their deeds as [Deuteronomy 10:20] states: 'and you will cling to Him.' Our Sages [questioned the nature of this command for] is it possible for man to cling to the Divine Presence? They [resolved the difficulty,] explaining this commandment to mean: Cleave unto the wise and their disciples."

And then, he expands this deep love and connection to everyone:

"Each man is commanded to love each and every one of Israel as himself as [Leviticus 19:18] states: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Close Reading

These two ideas – "cleaving to the wise" and "loving your neighbor as yourself" – are powerful guiding lights for building a life of meaning, especially within our homes and families. Let's dig in with those grown-up legs!

Insight 1: "Cleaving to the Wise" – Bringing Wisdom Home

The Rambam’s interpretation of "and you will cling to Him" as "cleave unto the wise and their disciples" is absolutely mind-blowing. It takes an abstract, spiritual command and grounds it in tangible, everyday actions. How do we connect with the Divine? By connecting with those who embody Divine wisdom in their lives!

But who are the "wise" for us today, in our homes and families? It’s not just about finding a rabbi or a scholar (though that’s fantastic!). It’s about intentionally seeking out people, influences, and environments that uplift us, challenge us to grow, and reflect the values we cherish. The Rambam gives us a roadmap for this:

• "Marry the daughter of a Torah Sage and marry his daughter to a Torah Sage." On a literal level, this is about choosing a life partner who is committed to wisdom and Torah. But with "grown-up legs," this can mean choosing a partner, or strengthening a current partnership, based on a shared commitment to growth, kindness, and spiritual values. It's about building a home where wisdom is not just tolerated, but celebrated and actively pursued. Are you and your partner (or future partner) consciously striving to create a "wise" home environment? Are you learning and growing together?
• "Eat and drink with Sages." This isn't just networking! Meals are sacred times in Jewish tradition. Sharing food with "sages" means creating opportunities for deep conversation, for learning from their experiences, for soaking in their perspective. In a family context, this translates to intentional mealtimes. Are your family dinners just about filling stomachs, or are they opportunities for connection, storytelling, sharing insights from the day, or discussing ethical dilemmas? Can you turn your kitchen table into a "table of wisdom," inviting not just physical sustenance, but spiritual nourishment? Maybe it’s about choosing to listen to meaningful podcasts or read inspiring books together during these times.
• "Do business on behalf of Sages." This might sound archaic, but it speaks to aligning our professional and financial lives with wisdom. It could mean supporting institutions or individuals dedicated to learning and good deeds. More broadly, it means bringing ethical principles, integrity, and a sense of purpose into our own work. How can your "business"—whether it's your job, your hobbies, or your community involvement—reflect the values of wisdom and righteousness? Are you using your skills and resources in ways that contribute to a wiser, more compassionate world?
• "Associate with them in all possible ways." This is the ultimate call to curate our environment. From the books on our shelves to the shows we watch, the conversations we have, and the friendships we nurture – every choice shapes us. Are you intentionally surrounding yourself and your family with influences that encourage growth, empathy, and wisdom? This isn't about being exclusive; it's about being mindful and proactive in building a life filled with "wise" connections.

This "cleaving to the wise" is a daily practice, a conscious decision to seek out and integrate wisdom into every corner of our lives, transforming our homes into vibrant centers of Jewish learning and living.

Insight 2: "Love Your Neighbor as Yourself" – The Heart of Family

Right after describing how to "cleave to the wise," the Rambam pivots to "Each man is commanded to love each and every one of Israel as himself." This isn’t a gentle suggestion; it’s a mitzvah. And it's followed immediately by the prohibition: "Do not hate your brother in your heart." This juxtaposition is crucial – love isn't just about what we do; it's about what we feel, or rather, what we allow to fester in our hearts.

The Rambam unpacks "love your neighbor" with practical, "grown-up legs" applications for our closest relationships:

• Speaking Praise and Protecting Honor: "Therefore, one should speak the praises of [others] and show concern for their money just as he is concerned with his own money and seeks his own honor." In families, it’s easy to take each other for granted, to focus on flaws, or to let compliments go unsaid. This mitzvah challenges us to actively speak praise for our family members, to celebrate their achievements, and to protect their reputation and honor as zealously as we guard our own. Imagine the atmosphere in a home where everyone is actively looking for opportunities to praise each other!
• The Danger of Internal Hatred: The Rambam starkly warns, "Whoever gains honor through the degradation of a colleague does not have a share in the world to come." And the prohibition against hating in your heart is so severe precisely because it's hidden. It creates a barrier that can't be resolved. In families, silent resentments, unspoken hurts, and hidden criticisms can be far more destructive than open conflict. They erode trust and create distance that's hard to bridge. This text compels us to examine our inner landscape. Are we truly cultivating love, or allowing bitterness to take root?
• The Mitzvah of Admonishment (and Forgiveness): If you do feel wronged, the Torah commands you not to stay silent and hate, but to "make the matter known and ask him: 'Why did you do this to me?'" – to "surely admonish your colleague." This isn't about shaming, but about clearing the air, preserving the relationship, and preventing hatred from taking hold. The Rambam emphasizes this should be done "privately... patiently and gently," out of concern for their welfare. This is a vital skill for healthy family life: addressing issues directly, respectfully, and with the intention of healing, not harming.
• The Power of Forgiveness: And if someone asks for forgiveness? "He must do so. A person should not be cruel when forgiving." The Rambam cites Abraham's prayer for Avimelech, despite being wronged. This is a profound call to empathy and compassion within our families. Holding onto grudges, especially with those closest to us, can be a heavy burden. This mitzvah reminds us that being "easily pacified and difficult to anger" is the path of our spiritual ancestors, the "seed of Israel." Forgiveness isn't just for the other person; it's for our own spiritual well-being, allowing us to release the "hate in our heart" and truly love.

These aren't just abstract ideas; they're daily practices that build strong, loving, and wise homes, turning our family into a true reflection of "cleaving to the Divine."

Micro-Ritual

Let's take these powerful insights and bring them right into our homes this coming Shabbat. Here's a simple "Shabbat Praise Circle" to try:

This Friday night, after the candles are lit and before Kiddush, or perhaps during the meal when everyone is gathered, invite each person at the table to share one specific thing they truly appreciate or admire about another person present. It could be about something they did that week, a character trait, or just a general expression of love and gratitude.

This isn't just a sweet moment; it's a direct fulfillment of the Rambam's command to "speak the praises of others" and actively cultivate "love your neighbor as yourself" within your closest circle. It shifts the focus from what might be annoying or difficult, to what is truly good and praiseworthy in each person. It builds honor, strengthens bonds, and creates a positive spiritual atmosphere.

And as you go around the circle, let’s sing a simple niggun, a wordless melody, or a simple phrase to reinforce that feeling of togetherness and love: (Simple, warm melody) "Tov li yachad, tov li yachad, tov li yachad imcha!" (It is good for me together, it is good for me together, it is good for me together with you!) Let that feeling of goodness and togetherness wash over your table, your family, and your home.

Chevruta Mini

Alright, grab a partner (or just mull it over yourself!) for a quick chevruta, a study buddy session:

1. Based on the idea of "cleaving to the wise" and the Rambam’s practical examples, who are the "wise" people (or even "wise influences" like books, podcasts, or causes) in your life right now? What's one small, intentional step you can take this week to increase your connection to them or integrate their wisdom into your daily life?
2. Thinking about "love your neighbor as yourself" and the prohibition against internal hatred, what's one small, concrete way you can actively cultivate greater love and appreciation (or release a hidden resentment) for someone in your family or close circle this week?

Takeaway

So, campers, as we pack up our virtual campfire for tonight, remember this: our relationships are not passive. We are not just bystanders in our own lives. The Torah, through the Rambam, commands us to be active architects of our character and our communities. By intentionally seeking out positive influences, by actively cultivating love, praise, forgiveness, and honest communication, we build homes and lives that are not only wise and loving but are also truly "cleaving to God."

Go forth, build wisely, and shine brightly! Shabbat Shalom!