Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim 108:2-4

Hook

We gather today in the quiet space of remembrance, acknowledging the ebb and flow of life and the moments that leave their indelible mark upon us. This time is not defined by the calendar alone, but by the heart's capacity to hold what has been. Perhaps you are marking an anniversary, a birthday, or simply a day when a particular memory surfaces with gentle insistence. It could be the quiet hum of a recurring thought, a scent on the breeze, or a phrase overheard that brings a person, a feeling, or a period of your life into sharp focus. The Shulchan Arukh, in its meticulous exploration of Jewish practice, offers us a glimpse into a particular kind of spiritual discipline: the act of making amends, of finding a way to fulfill an obligation that was missed. While this text speaks of prayer, its underlying principle resonates deeply with the work of grief and remembrance. We, too, may feel that something was left undone, a conversation unhad, a moment of connection unexpressed. The vastness of loss can sometimes feel like a missed prayer, a profound absence. This occasion, this memory, meets us in that space, inviting us to explore not just what was missed, but how we can, with intention and grace, find a way to bring meaning and completion to what remains.

Text Snapshot

From the Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim 108:2-4:

"If one erred or was forced [by circumstance] and did not pray the morning prayer, one should pray the afternoon prayer twice: the first is the afternoon prayer, and the second as a make-up. If one inverted [the order], one has not fulfilled one obligation in prayer for the prayer which is a make-up, and one needs to go back and pray it [again]. And the same law applies in every case in which one must pray a make-up prayer. If one erred and did not pray the afternoon prayer, one should pray the evening prayer twice: the first is for the evening prayer, and the second is for the make-up. If one erred and did not pray the evening prayer, one should pray the morning prayer (i.e. Amidah) twice: the first for the morning prayer, and the second as a make-up. After one says "Yotzeir" [the blessings of the Recitation of the Sh'ma in the morning prayer] and the Eighteen Blessings (i.e. the Amidah), one should say Ashrei and then afterwards pray the Eighteen Blessings for the make-up evening prayer. [This statement] that one can complete [i.e. make-up] the [Amidah] prayer that one missed applies specifically during the time of [the next Amidah] prayer, but when it is not the time of [that next Amidah] prayer, one may not. There are no make-up prayers other than the immediately adjoining [i.e. preceding] prayer alone; so that if one erred and did not pray the morning prayer and [also] the afternoon prayer, one [only] prays the evening prayer twice [with] the latter prayer as a make-up for the afternoon prayer, but for the morning prayer there is no make-up; and the same goes for all the rest of the prayers."

Kavvanah

This practice is an invitation to explore the concept of "make-up" prayers, or tashlumin, within the framework of our personal remembrance. The Shulchan Arukh, in its practical and sometimes intricate guidance, addresses situations where a prayer was missed, either through error, extenuating circumstances, or even intentional omission. The core idea is that within a specific timeframe, a missed prayer can be rectified by praying the next prayer twice, with the second recitation serving as a make-up. This notion of "make-up" or "completion" is profoundly resonant when we consider the landscape of grief and legacy.

Often, after loss, we find ourselves with a sense of unfinished business. Perhaps there are words we wish we had said, gestures we wish we had made, moments of connection we yearn to reclaim. These can feel like missed prayers, opportunities that have slipped through our fingers, leaving a void that echoes. The Shulchan Arukh’s approach to tashlumin offers a subtle yet powerful lens through which to view this. It does not erase the missed prayer, nor does it pretend it never happened. Instead, it provides a structured way to acknowledge the absence and to bring a sense of fullness back into the devotional life.

In the context of remembrance, this can translate to acknowledging the "missed moments" with those we have loved and lost. It's not about dwelling in regret, but about understanding that the absence itself can be a catalyst for intentional action. The text highlights that a make-up prayer is only possible within the timeframe of the next prayer. This speaks to the urgency and the preciousness of time, both in prayer and in life. When we miss a prayer, we are given the opportunity to connect with the sacred time of the subsequent prayer. Similarly, in our remembrance, the present moment is where we can actively engage with the legacy of those who are gone.

The concept of praying twice—once for the present obligation and once as a make-up—suggests a dual focus: being present in the current moment while also honoring what came before. This is the very essence of navigating grief. We must live in the present, tending to our current needs and responsibilities, while simultaneously holding the memory of our loved ones and the impact they have had on us. The make-up prayer becomes a way of weaving the past into the present, of ensuring that the spiritual thread is not broken.

Furthermore, the rule that there are no make-up prayers for missed prayers beyond the immediately adjoining one, unless one chooses to pray it as a voluntary prayer with an innovation, is particularly insightful. It acknowledges that some absences are profound and cannot be fully rectified by a simple repetition. Yet, it also offers a path forward: transforming the unmake-up-able into something new, something personal, something that carries the essence of the original intention but is expressed in a fresh way. This is akin to how we might honor a loved one by creating a new tradition, by continuing their work in a new capacity, or by finding a unique way to express our love that was not possible before.

Our kavvanah for this practice is to understand that while we cannot undo the past, we can, with intention and presence, bring a sense of spiritual and emotional completion to the echoes of what has been missed. We can use the structure and the wisdom of these ancient texts to inform our own gentle practices of remembrance and legacy. We approach this not with a burden of obligation, but with the spaciousness of grace, recognizing that our engagement with the past, in the present moment, can be a source of profound healing and meaning. We hold the intention to be present in our remembrance, to acknowledge what was missed without being consumed by it, and to find ways to honor the enduring connections that shape us, even in absence.

Practice

This practice invites you to engage with the concept of making-up or completing what feels unfinished, drawing inspiration from the Shulchan Arukh's approach to missed prayers. We will focus on the idea of "making-up" not just prayers, but moments of connection, expressions of love, and the continuation of legacy. This is a gentle exploration, allowing for whatever arises.

1. The Candle of Remembrance

• The Practice: Light a candle. This candle can be a yahrzeit candle, a special memorial candle, or simply a candle that you designate for this practice. As you light it, hold the intention of bringing light to a memory, a person, or a feeling that has surfaced for you today. The Shulchan Arukh speaks of making up prayers within the timeframe of the next prayer. In our practice, this candle represents the present moment, the "next prayer" in the unfolding of your day and your life. It is the space where you can bring your remembrance into being.

• Connecting to the Text: The concept of a make-up prayer implies a need for presence and continuity. When one misses the morning prayer, they pray the afternoon prayer twice, with the second serving as the make-up. The Magen Avraham and Ba’er Hetev commentary on the Shulchan Arukh (108:3, 108:4, 108:5, 108:6) discuss the importance of not eating before the second prayer, emphasizing the need to maintain the connection and continuity. This reflects the idea that the make-up prayer is not an afterthought, but an integral part of fulfilling the obligation. Similarly, our candle, lit in the present moment, serves to connect us to the memory we are holding. It is not an attempt to erase the past, but to illuminate it, to bring its essence into the light of the present. The commentaries also discuss whether Ashrei (a psalm of praise) should be recited between the two prayers. The Turei Zahav commentary (on 108:3) grapples with the reasoning behind this, suggesting it might be to ensure that each prayer is approached with a sense of completeness. This mirrors our own intention: to approach our remembrance with mindfulness and intention, to ensure that the memory is not just passively recalled, but actively engaged with.

• Variations and Considerations:

  • If the candle is for a person: As you light it, gently bring to mind their presence. What is a quality you admired in them? What is a moment of connection that stands out? If there are words you wish you had said, simply acknowledge that wish without judgment. The candle’s flame is a witness to your love and your longing.
  • If the candle is for a period of time or an experience: Perhaps it's a period of great joy, or a time of significant challenge. What did you learn during that time? How did it shape you? The flame can represent the enduring impact of that experience.
  • If the candle is for an emotion or a feeling: Sometimes, grief manifests as a persistent feeling. Allow the candle to be a focal point for that feeling. You don't need to change it, just acknowledge its presence, much like acknowledging a missed prayer.
  • The "Make-up" Aspect: The Shulchan Arukh suggests praying the second prayer as a "make-up." For our practice, this can be interpreted as engaging in a secondary, intentional act of remembrance after the initial lighting of the candle. This secondary act is where the "make-up" happens. It's not about re-doing the initial lighting, but about building upon it.

2. The Echo of a Name

• The Practice: Speak the name of the person you are remembering, or the name associated with the memory. Speak it aloud, softly, or simply hold it in your mind. The Shulchan Arukh's rules about make-up prayers are often tied to the structure of the daily prayers, which are deeply rooted in communal recitation and individual utterance. The repetition of prayers, and the specific order, are vital. For us, the name is like a prayer.

• Connecting to the Text: The Mishnah Berurah commentary (on 108:10) states that one is forbidden to eat before praying the second, make-up prayer, because its time has arrived. This emphasizes the importance of immediacy and not allowing other activities to interfere with the spiritual obligation. Similarly, when we speak a name, we are prioritizing that act of remembrance. It’s a commitment to bringing that name, that memory, into the forefront. The text’s emphasis on not interrupting the prayer flow, and the concern about whether Ashrei should be said between prayers, highlights the importance of maintaining spiritual focus. Speaking a name can be a powerful way to anchor that focus. It’s a direct connection, bypassing the complexities of thought and allowing for pure utterance.

• Variations and Considerations:

  • Saying the full name: If it feels right, say their full name.
  • A nickname or endearment: Sometimes a more intimate name carries more resonance.
  • A descriptive phrase: If a name feels too direct, or if you are remembering a situation, you can use a phrase that encapsulates it. For example, "the time we went to the sea," or "the strength I saw."
  • The "Make-up" Aspect: After speaking the name once, pause. Then, consider speaking it again, perhaps with a different intention. The first utterance might be an acknowledgment of presence, a simple calling forth. The second utterance, the "make-up," can be an expression of gratitude, a wish for peace, or a declaration of their enduring impact. For instance, the first time you say the name, you might simply acknowledge their existence. The second time, you might say their name and add, "Thank you for the laughter you brought into my life." This second utterance is the make-up, adding a layer of specific meaning and appreciation.

3. The Story Held Within

• The Practice: Recall a brief story or a specific memory associated with the person or occasion you are remembering. It doesn't need to be grand or dramatic. It can be a simple anecdote, a shared glance, a moment of quiet understanding, or even a funny misadventure. The Shulchan Arukh’s detailed rules about make-up prayers suggest that intention and specific actions are crucial for fulfilling obligations. The commentaries emphasize the need for precision.

• Connecting to the Text: The commentaries on the Shulchan Arukh, such as the Magen Avraham and Ba’er Hetev, delve into the specifics of when Ashrei should be recited between prayers, and even the debate on whether to say it at all in certain make-up scenarios (e.g., Magen Avraham on 108:5, Ba’er Hetev on 108:6). This meticulousness in ritual prayer mirrors the importance of being precise and intentional with our remembrance. Just as one must be careful to fulfill the requirements of a make-up prayer, we too can be mindful of the details of the memories we choose to recall. The text's concern with not interrupting the prayer service, and the emphasis on continuity, suggests that our remembrance should also aim for a sense of flow and coherence. Recalling a story helps to create that coherence.

• Variations and Considerations:

  • A sensory memory: Focus on what you saw, heard, smelled, tasted, or felt during that moment.
  • A moment of learning: What did this person or experience teach you?
  • A moment of shared laughter or tears: Emotions are powerful connectors.
  • The "Make-up" Aspect: After you have recalled the initial story, take a moment to consider what you might have wished to say or do in that moment, had you known it would become a memory. This is your "make-up" story. For example, if the memory is of a time they were struggling, and you wish you had offered more comfort, your make-up story could be an imagined conversation where you offer them that comfort. Or, if the memory is of a joyful occasion, your make-up story could be an imagined expression of deeper gratitude for that joy. This is not about rewriting history, but about creatively bringing a desired emotional or spiritual completion to the memory.

4. The Seed of Tzedakah

• The Practice: Commit to a small act of tzedakah (charity or righteousness) in honor of the person or occasion you are remembering. This could be a monetary donation, a gesture of kindness to another, or an act of service. The Shulchan Arukh is deeply concerned with fulfilling obligations, and tzedakah is a cornerstone of Jewish practice. The concept of make-up prayers implicitly carries the idea of rectifying a perceived lack.

• Connecting to the Text: The gloss in the Shulchan Arukh (Orach Chayim 108:2) from the T'rumat Hadeshen warns against letting prayer time pass due to monetary loss. This highlights the value placed on spiritual observance, but also implicitly acknowledges the real-world concerns that can impact our ability to observe. The concept of tzedakah is about bringing righteousness and balance to the world, a principle that resonates with the idea of making amends or fulfilling what was missed. Even when a prayer cannot be made up in its exact form, the possibility of engaging in a voluntary prayer with an "innovation" suggests that we can still bring positive energy and intention into a situation. Tzedakah is a powerful innovation, a concrete act that extends the legacy of love and care.

• Variations and Considerations:

  • A specific cause: If the person you remember had a particular passion or supported a certain organization, direct your tzedakah there.
  • An act of kindness: This could be as simple as offering a compliment, helping a neighbor, or volunteering your time.
  • A donation: Even a small monetary donation to a cause that aligns with their values or your shared values can be meaningful.
  • The "Make-up" Aspect: The act of tzedakah itself is the "make-up." It is a way of extending the positive influence of the person or occasion you are remembering into the world today. It transforms the memory of absence into an act of presence and positive impact. It's like saying, "Because this person/memory is so important to me, I am choosing to bring goodness into the world in their honor." This is the spiritual "make-up" that blesses both the recipient of the tzedakah and your own soul.

Community

The Shulchan Arukh’s detailed discussions about prayer, especially the rules surrounding make-up prayers, often arise within the context of communal prayer. While our personal remembrance practices can be deeply solitary, engaging with others can amplify their meaning and offer support.

1. Sharing the Resonance

• The Practice: Find a way to share something of your remembrance with another person or a group. This could be a brief mention to a friend or family member, a post on a social media platform (if that feels appropriate and safe), or participating in a communal remembrance event. The text, though offering individual guidance, is part of a larger tradition of prayer that is often experienced communally.

• Connecting to the Text: The commentaries, while focusing on the individual’s obligation, are part of a larger body of rabbinic discourse that shapes communal practice. For instance, the discussions about the proper timing and order of make-up prayers have implications for communal prayer leaders and for the rhythm of synagogue life. The Mishnah Berurah's discussion about the prohibition of eating before the second prayer highlights the importance of communal observance and the potential for disruption if individuals act out of sync. When we share our remembrance, we are, in a sense, participating in a broader communal practice of honoring those who have been. It acknowledges that while our grief is personal, the human experience of loss and remembrance is also shared. The act of sharing can itself be a form of "making-up" for moments of isolation that grief can bring. It’s an act of weaving ourselves back into the fabric of connection.

• Ways to Engage:

  • A brief phone call or text: "I was thinking of [person's name] today. Just wanted to share that with you."
  • Sharing a photo with a caption: If you are comfortable, share a photo that evokes the memory and a short reflection.
  • Mentioning it at a Shabbat dinner or gathering: "Today, as I remembered [occasion], I lit a candle and thought about..."
  • Participating in a Yizkor service or memorial event: These are inherently communal spaces for remembrance.
  • Asking for support: You can also use this as an opportunity to express your need for support. "I'm finding today a bit tender as I remember [person/occasion]. I'd appreciate a listening ear if you have a moment." This is not about burdening others, but about acknowledging that community can be a vital part of navigating difficult moments. The text's implication of communal prayer underscores the power of shared spiritual experience. Your sharing, even in a small way, contributes to a collective tapestry of memory and love.

Takeaway

The Shulchan Arukh, in its practical guidance on make-up prayers, offers us a profound metaphor for engaging with the echoes of what has been missed in our lives, particularly in the realm of grief and remembrance. Just as a missed prayer can be addressed through intentional repetition and mindful presence within the sacred timeframe of the next prayer, so too can we approach the unsaid words, the unmade gestures, and the unfulfilled connections with those we remember. This practice is not about erasing the past or denying the pain of absence. Instead, it is about acknowledging the space left behind and choosing to fill it with intention, love, and renewed meaning. By lighting a candle, speaking a name, holding a story, or engaging in an act of kindness, we are not simply recalling what was; we are actively weaving the threads of their legacy into the fabric of our present lives. And by sharing these moments, we connect with the enduring human experience of remembrance, finding solace and strength in community. Our capacity to honor what has been, even in its absence, is a testament to the enduring power of love and the continuous unfolding of meaning.