I Kings 10:9-11:27

Here is your 15-minute Jewish Parenting lesson, designed for busy parents.

## The Wisdom of "Good Enough"

### Insight

This week, we dive into a rich passage from the Books of Kings, showcasing the legendary King Solomon at the height of his power and wisdom. The Queen of Sheba's visit is a highlight, a testament to Solomon's global renown. She comes not just for riches, but to "test him with hard questions," seeking to understand the source of his famed wisdom and the prosperity of his kingdom. What she finds is awe-inspiring: "Solomon had answers for all her questions; there was nothing that the king did not know." This might sound like the ultimate parenting goal – to have all the answers, to build a perfectly functioning household, to instill flawless wisdom in our children. But as we read on, the narrative takes a turn. Solomon’s later years are marked by personal choices that lead to divine displeasure and the fracturing of his kingdom.

This contrast offers us a powerful parenting insight: the pursuit of perfection is a mirage, and often, a harmful one. We, as parents, are not expected to be omniscient, nor are our children expected to be flawless. The Queen of Sheba was impressed by Solomon's wisdom and wealth, but she also recognized the divine source: "Praised be the ETERNAL your God, who delighted in you and set you on the throne of Israel." This highlights that true success, in the spiritual and familial sense, comes from our connection to something greater, and from our commitment to ethical living, not from an unblemished record.

The Sages, in their commentary, offer a beautiful perspective on the Queen of Sheba's praise: "May the Lord your God be blessed, who favored you, to place you on the throne of Israel, in the Lord’s love of Israel forever, and He appointed you as king over them, to perform justice and righteousness." (Steinsaltz on I Kings 10:9). This emphasizes that Solomon's kingship was a result of God's love for Israel, and his role was to act with justice and righteousness. It wasn't about his inherent perfection, but his function within a divine framework. The Malbim elaborates, "For according to the merit of the people and God's love for them, He watches over them to give them a wise king who loves charity and justice." This means our children's well-being, and our parenting success, is also tied to a larger picture of divine love and the collective merit of our community, not solely our individual parenting prowess.

Later in the passage, we see Solomon's downfall: "He had seven hundred royal wives and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned his heart away." This isn't a judgment on his initial wisdom, but on his later choices. The text is clear: "Solomon did what was displeasing to GOD and did not remain loyal to GOD like his father David." This is the ultimate "not good enough" moment, leading to the prophecy of his kingdom being torn apart.

So, what does this mean for us, as parents navigating the beautiful, messy reality of family life? It means we can release the pressure to be the perfect, all-knowing parent. Our goal isn't to raise children who never stumble or question, or to create a household devoid of conflict or imperfection. Instead, we aim for "good enough" parenting. This means showing up with love, striving for justice and righteousness in our homes, and fostering a connection to something greater, whether that's through Jewish practice, ethical values, or simply a deep sense of compassion. It means acknowledging our own stumbles and teaching our children that making mistakes is part of life, and the real work is in how we respond, learn, and grow. The wisdom isn't in never falling, but in knowing how to get back up, guided by our values and our love.

### Text Snapshot

"When the queen of Sheba observed all of Solomon’s wisdom, and the palace he had built, the fare of his table, the seating of his courtiers, the service and attire of his attendants, and his wine service, and the burnt offerings that he offered at the House of GOD, she was left breathless. She said to the king, “The report I heard in my own land about you and your wisdom was true. But I did not believe the reports until I came and saw with my own eyes that not even the half had been told me; your wisdom and wealth surpass the reports that I heard. How fortunate are your people and how fortunate are these your courtiers, who are always in attendance on you and can hear your wisdom! Praised be the ETERNAL your God, who delighted in you and set you on the throne of Israel. It is because of GOD’s everlasting love for Israel that you were made king—to administer justice and righteousness.”" (I Kings 10:4-9)

### Activity

"Wisdom Exchange Jar" (≤ 10 minutes)

Goal: To foster a sense of shared wisdom and learning within the family, acknowledging that wisdom comes from many sources, not just the parent.

Materials: A small jar or container, slips of paper, pens.

Instructions:

1. Preparation (Parents): Before you start the activity with your child, think of one small, practical piece of wisdom you've learned recently, or a simple skill you've mastered that might be helpful to your child. It could be something like, "When you're feeling overwhelmed, take three deep breaths," or "If you're not sure how to start homework, just write one sentence." Write this down on a slip of paper.
2. Setting the Scene (5 minutes): Gather your child (or children) around a table. Explain that you're going to start a "Wisdom Exchange Jar." Just like the Queen of Sheba came to learn from Solomon, we can learn from each other.
3. Parent's Turn (2 minutes): "I have a piece of wisdom I want to share with our jar." Read your slip of paper aloud. Then, invite your child to put it into the jar.
4. Child's Turn (3 minutes): "Now, it's your turn! Do you have a little piece of wisdom to share? It doesn't have to be big. Maybe it's something you learned at school, from a game, or even from watching a bird outside. It could be a trick for tying your shoes, or a fun fact about dinosaurs."
   • If they have one: Encourage them to write it down (or help them write it if needed) and put it in the jar.
   • If they don't immediately have one: Reassure them. "That's okay! Sometimes wisdom surprises us. Maybe we can think of one together later, or you can add one tomorrow." You can even offer a prompt: "What's something that made you feel happy today? Maybe there's a little wisdom in that."
5. Closing: "We'll add to this jar whenever we think of something. Then, when we need a little boost of wisdom, or when we're feeling stuck, we can pull out a slip and see what we can learn!"

Why this works: This activity reframes wisdom not as a top-down delivery from parent to child, but as a reciprocal process. It teaches children to value their own insights, however small, and encourages parents to appreciate the wisdom their children possess. It aligns with the "good enough" principle by celebrating small contributions and fostering a learning environment, rather than demanding perfect knowledge.

### Script

Awkward Question: "Mom/Dad, why did Solomon have so many wives? That seems weird and wrong."

(30-second script)

"That's a really thoughtful question, and it's totally okay to ask it. The Torah tells us Solomon had many wives, and it also tells us that in his later years, this led him away from his devotion to God, which wasn't a good thing. It shows us that even people we see as 'wise' or 'great' can make choices that have difficult consequences, and that sometimes the rules and customs of the past were very different from what we understand as right today. It's a reminder that we always need to think about what's fair and kind, and that even our heroes aren't perfect. We can learn from the whole story, both the good and the not-so-good parts."

Why this works:

• Validates the question: "That's a really thoughtful question, and it's totally okay to ask it."
• Acknowledges the text: Briefly states the facts from the passage.
• Connects to consequences: Explains why it was problematic according to the text.
• Introduces nuance: "It shows us that even people we see as 'wise' or 'great' can make choices that have difficult consequences..."
• Addresses historical context (gently): "...and that sometimes the rules and customs of the past were very different from what we understand as right today."
• Empowers critical thinking: "It's a reminder that we always need to think about what's fair and kind..."
• Reinforces learning from mistakes: "...and that even our heroes aren't perfect. We can learn from the whole story, both the good and the not-so-good parts."
• Time-boxed: Fits within the 30-second limit.

### Habit

Micro-Habit: The "Blessing of the Moment" (1 minute daily)

Goal: To cultivate gratitude and acknowledge the good, even amidst challenges, mirroring the Queen of Sheba's recognition of God's role in Solomon's success.

How to do it:

Each day, before bed, or at a meal, take just one minute to state one thing you are genuinely grateful for in relation to your family or your day. It doesn't have to be monumental. It could be:

• "I'm grateful for the quiet moment I had with [child's name] reading a book today."
• "I'm grateful that we managed to get dinner on the table, even though it was a bit late."
• "I'm grateful for [child's name]'s giggle when we were playing."
• "I'm grateful for the sunshine today."

Why this is a micro-habit: It’s incredibly brief, requires no special tools, and can be integrated into existing routines. It shifts focus from what's lacking or difficult to what is present and good. This practice helps us, and our children, see the "good enough" in our everyday lives and fosters a more positive outlook, much like the Queen of Sheba's recognition of blessings, even in a complex human narrative.

### Takeaway

This week, let's embrace the "good enough" parenting approach. Our children don't need perfect parents, but they do need present, loving, and ethically-guided ones. Like Solomon, we will have moments of brilliance and moments of stumbling. The real wisdom lies not in avoiding mistakes, but in how we respond, learn, and continue to strive for justice and kindness in our homes, trusting in God's enduring love for us and our families.