I Samuel 10:24-12:21

Here is your Jewish Parenting in 15 lesson, designed for busy parents looking for practical, empathetic guidance grounded in this week's Torah portion.

Insight

This week's portion from I Samuel introduces us to Saul's anointing and the tumultuous beginnings of Israel's monarchy. While the story is grand and epic, filled with divine signs, prophetic pronouncements, and military victories, there's a profound, relatable parenting lesson woven into its fabric. At its core, this passage is about seeing and being seen, about the messy, often awkward process of recognizing potential and nurturing leadership, both in ourselves and in our children. Samuel anoints Saul, a seemingly ordinary young man, with oil, a symbolic act of setting him apart. Yet, this divine endorsement doesn't immediately transform Saul into a perfect king. He's described as being "a head taller than all the people" – a visible, external sign of his potential. But he also hides amongst the baggage, a moment of relatable insecurity and perhaps even a touch of imposter syndrome. This is where we, as parents, can find our echo. We anoint our children daily with our love, our expectations, and our belief in their inherent worth. We see their potential, their unique strengths, even when they themselves might be hiding, unsure of their place or their abilities. The text highlights the people's reaction: "What's happened to the son of Kish? Is Saul too among the prophets?" This is the human element, the questioning, the surprise, the initial skepticism. They are trying to reconcile the familiar son of Kish with this new, divinely chosen leader. This mirrors our own parenting journey. We see our children develop, change, and step into new roles – the toddler becoming a preschooler, the shy child finding their voice, the struggling student discovering a passion. Sometimes, these transformations are so profound that it's hard to reconcile them with the child we knew yesterday. We might even hear whispers of doubt, either from ourselves or from others, about whether our child is truly capable, whether they "measure up." The key takeaway here is to remember that leadership, and indeed, any significant growth, doesn't happen overnight. It's a process, often marked by uncertainty and external validation. Samuel's role is crucial here. He doesn't just anoint; he guides, he explains the rules of kingship, and he continues to speak truth to the people, even when they falter. This is our role as parents. We are not just the ones who initiate, who see the potential, but also the ones who provide context, who offer guidance, and who help our children navigate the inevitable challenges and doubts. When Saul is later challenged by "scoundrels" who scorn him and bring him no gift, he "pretended not to mind." This isn't weakness; it's a strategic choice to not be derailed by negativity. He internalizes the criticism but doesn't let it define him. This is a powerful lesson for our children: to develop resilience, to not be crushed by the opinions of those who don't understand or support them. The text also emphasizes the importance of a community's affirmation. The people's cry of "Long live the king!" is vital. It's not just about acknowledging Saul's appointment; it's about embracing him as their leader, about investing in his future. In our parenting, this translates to creating an environment where our children feel seen, supported, and affirmed by their family and their community. When our children achieve something, big or small, our enthusiastic "Long live my little artist!" or "Long live my budding scientist!" is more than just praise; it's an act of building their confidence and their sense of belonging. The story of Saul's initial hesitation and subsequent courage in leading the Israelites against the Ammonites is particularly poignant. He receives a clear directive from Samuel, and the spirit of God grips him. This divine empowerment is extraordinary, but it's also a culmination of the earlier anointing and the signs that preceded it. It shows that even with divine support, action is required. For us, this means recognizing that our children, even with our support and guidance, need opportunities to act, to take initiative, and to experience the consequences of their choices. The "yoke of oxen" incident, while dramatic, is a powerful example of decisive action. Saul understands the gravity of the situation and uses a potent symbol to rally his people. This isn't about replicating such extreme measures, but about understanding that sometimes, clear, firm action is necessary to protect and guide those we love. Samuel's later address to the people, reminding them of God's faithfulness and their own transgressions, is a masterclass in accountability and relational repair. He doesn't shy away from their mistakes but offers a path forward: "Do not, however, turn away from God, but serve God with all your heart." This is the essence of good parenting: acknowledging mistakes, offering forgiveness, and guiding toward a better path, always emphasizing the importance of core values. The ultimate message here is one of hope and resilience. Despite the initial doubts and the flaws inherent in any human endeavor, the story of Saul's beginning, like our parenting journeys, is about the potential for growth, for leadership, and for making a difference. We are called to see the spark in our children, to nurture it with love and guidance, and to celebrate their micro-wins, knowing that these small victories pave the way for their future triumphs. The "blessing the chaos" aspect comes from recognizing that the doubts, the hiding, the questioning – these are all part of the process. They are not signs of failure, but opportunities for deeper connection and growth. Our role is to be the steady hand, the empathetic ear, and the voice of encouragement, reminding our children, and ourselves, that God is with us, and that even in the messiest of times, there is potential for greatness.

Text Snapshot

"And when they looked for him, he was not to be found. They inquired of God again, “Has anyone else come here?” And God replied, “Yes; he is hiding among the baggage.” So they ran over and brought him from there; and when he took his place among the people, he stood a head taller than all the people." — I Samuel 10:22-23

"But some scoundrels said, “How can this fellow save us?” So they scorned him and brought him no gift. But he pretended not to mind." — I Samuel 10:27

"But Samuel said to the people, “Have no fear. You have, indeed, done all those wicked things. Do not, however, turn away from God, but serve God with all your heart." — I Samuel 12:20

Activity

The "Hidden Gem" Hunt

This activity is designed to help parents and children practice identifying and appreciating hidden strengths and positive qualities in each other, drawing inspiration from Saul's initial hiding and eventual recognition. It’s about seeing beyond the obvious and finding the "gem" within.

Objectives:

• To foster observation and appreciation for each other's positive traits.
• To encourage verbalizing positive affirmations.
• To practice empathy and understanding for moments of hesitation or insecurity.
• To connect with the Torah concept of seeing potential even when it’s not immediately apparent.

Materials:

• Small slips of paper (enough for each person to have a few)
• Pens or pencils
• A small decorative box, bag, or even a clean jar (this will be the "Treasure Chest")

Time:

• Approximately 8-10 minutes.

Instructions for Parents:

1. Introduction (1 minute): Gather your child(ren) and explain the activity. You can say something like: "In our Torah story this week, King Saul was chosen to be king, but he was so shy he was hiding! The people had to find him. Sometimes, we all have amazing qualities inside us that we don't always show off right away, like hidden gems. Today, we're going to go on a 'Hidden Gem Hunt' for each other!"

2. Parental Observation (2-3 minutes):

   • Take a moment to think about your child. What are some of their positive qualities that might not be immediately obvious, or that they might be a little shy about? Think about their kindness, their creativity, their perseverance, their sense of humor, their ability to be a good listener, their curiosity, their thoughtfulness.
   • On one or two slips of paper, write down these "hidden gems" about your child. Be specific! Instead of "nice," try "You were so patient with your sibling when they were struggling with their toy." Instead of "smart," try "I love how you ask such thoughtful questions about how things work."
   • Parental Self-Reflection: Briefly, take a moment to think about your own hidden gems. What are you good at that you might not always highlight? Write one or two down for yourself. This models self-awareness and self-compassion.

3. Child's Observation (2-3 minutes):

   • Now, encourage your child to think about you. Ask them: "What's something good or special about me that maybe I don't always show off, or that you really appreciate?"
   • If they are young, you can prompt them: "Remember yesterday when I helped you with your homework? That showed I am [patient/helpful]." Or "When I make us dinner, I'm trying to be [caring/nurturing]."
   • Help them write down their observations on slips of paper. If they can't write, you can write it for them as they dictate.
   • If you have multiple children, encourage them to observe each other.

4. The "Anointing" (1-2 minutes):

   • Once everyone has written down their "hidden gems" for each other, gather the slips.
   • Have each person take the slips written about them and place them into the "Treasure Chest." This is like "anointing" themselves with these positive affirmations.
   • As they place the slips in, have them read them aloud (or you read them for them).

5. The "Unveiling" and Celebration (1 minute):

   • Once all the slips are in the Treasure Chest, give it a little shake.
   • Say: "These are our hidden gems! They are proof of the wonderful qualities we have inside us. Even when we feel shy or unsure, like Saul hiding, these gems are there. Let's remember to see these gems in ourselves and in each other every day!"
   • Micro-Win Celebration: Give a big hug or a high-five for completing the activity. Acknowledge the effort and the positive sentiments shared.

Why This Works for Busy Parents:

• Time-Bound: Easily fits within a 10-minute window.
• Simple Materials: Uses common household items.
• Focus on Positivity: Shifts focus from problems to strengths.
• Empathy Building: Encourages looking beyond surface behaviors.
• Connection: Creates a moment of genuine connection and affirmation.
• Relatable to Torah: Directly links to the theme of seeing hidden potential.

Adapting for Different Ages:

• Younger Children (Preschool - Early Elementary): Focus on concrete actions and simple adjectives. Use lots of prompts and help with writing. The "Treasure Chest" concept will be very appealing.
• Older Children (Late Elementary - Middle School): Encourage more abstract qualities and self-reflection. They can write their own slips. Discuss the idea of "imposter syndrome" or feeling like you're not good enough, connecting it to Saul's hiding.
• Teens: Can be more challenging. Frame it as an exercise in recognizing character strengths and building self-esteem. You might need to be more direct with your own observations and encourage them to reflect on their own internal compass. The "pretended not to mind" aspect can be a good discussion point for how to handle criticism constructively.

This activity is about nurturing the inner king or queen in every child, by helping them see and be seen for the wonderful qualities they possess, even when they might be hiding. It's a small, beautiful way to bless the chaos of growing up.

Script

(Scenario: You're at the grocery store, and your child asks a question that feels a bit loaded or unexpected, perhaps about why someone is dressed a certain way, or why a particular social situation seems unfair. The Torah portion is about leadership, acceptance, and dealing with criticism. We'll adapt this to a common parenting scenario.)

Child: "Mom/Dad, why is that person wearing that? It looks weird." (Or, "Why did [friend's name] say that? It wasn't nice.")

Parent (You): (Pause for a beat, take a breath. Speak calmly and kindly.)

(0-5 seconds) You: "That's a really observant question! It’s like when Samuel saw Saul and the people were surprised because he was so different, right?"

(5-15 seconds) You: "Sometimes people express themselves in ways that are new to us, or they might be going through something we don't see. Our job, like Samuel reminded everyone, is to focus on being good and kind ourselves, and to remember that everyone is on their own journey."

(15-25 seconds) You: "So, instead of focusing on what seems 'weird' or 'not nice' to us, let's think about how we can be [kind/helpful/understanding] today. Maybe we can pick out some nice fruits for our snack, or think about a nice thing we can do for [sibling/friend] later?"

(25-30 seconds) You: "What do you think? Let's keep our eyes open for the good stuff, okay?"

---

Script Breakdown & Rationale:

• "That's a really observant question! It’s like when Samuel saw Saul and the people were surprised because he was so different, right?"

  • Purpose: Validates the child's observation without judgment. Immediately connects to a Torah theme – the unexpectedness of chosen leaders and the initial reactions to them. This reframes the "weirdness" or "not nice" comment as a point of observation, aligning with the text's focus on seeing and understanding. It prevents immediate defensiveness and opens a dialogue.
  • Tone: Empathetic, curious, connecting.

• "Sometimes people express themselves in ways that are new to us, or they might be going through something we don't see. Our job, like Samuel reminded everyone, is to focus on being good and kind ourselves, and to remember that everyone is on their own journey."

  • Purpose: Offers a gentle, age-appropriate explanation without oversharing or speculating negatively. It introduces the concept of empathy and the importance of internal focus (our own actions) rather than external judgment. This echoes Samuel's lesson to the people about their own failings and the need to serve God with all their heart.
  • Tone: Gentle, educational, principle-based.

• "So, instead of focusing on what seems 'weird' or 'not nice' to us, let's think about how we can be [kind/helpful/understanding] today. Maybe we can pick out some nice fruits for our snack, or think about a nice thing we can do for [sibling/friend] later?"

  • Purpose: Pivots the conversation from observation/judgment to positive action. It redirects the child's energy constructively. It offers concrete, manageable examples of "micro-wins" in their own behavior. This reinforces the idea of proactive good deeds, a core Jewish value.
  • Tone: Practical, action-oriented, encouraging.

• "What do you think? Let's keep our eyes open for the good stuff, okay?"

  • Purpose: Engages the child in the redirection. It reinforces the idea of actively seeking out positivity, mirroring the "see the one whom God has chosen" and "consider how grandly you have been dealt with" themes from the text. It ends on a hopeful, forward-looking note.
  • Tone: Collaborative, hopeful.

This script is designed to be a quick, supportive intervention that teaches valuable lessons about perception, empathy, and personal responsibility, all while staying within the spirit of the Torah portion and the constraints of a busy parenting moment. It blesses the child's curiosity and gently guides them toward a more positive and constructive outlook.

Habit

The "I See Your Gem" Affirmation

The Micro-Habit: Once a day, this week, take 30 seconds to genuinely look at your child (or your spouse, or even yourself!) and identify one positive quality or action you see in them. Then, verbally acknowledge it.

How it Works: This habit is inspired by the "Hidden Gem Hunt" activity and the overarching theme of seeing and affirming in this week's Torah portion. King Saul was chosen, but he was hiding; his stature and eventual actions were what the people came to see. Samuel affirmed him, and the people eventually cheered. We, too, need to consciously look for the good in our loved ones, especially when they might be feeling unseen or when we're caught up in the daily rush.

Implementation (≤ 1 minute per instance):

1. Choose Your Moment: This can happen during a meal, while walking together, before bed, or even as you pass each other in the hall. It doesn't need to be a formal sit-down.
2. Observe: Take just a few seconds to really look. What are they doing? How are they interacting? What's their expression? What quality does that reveal?
   • Are they patiently waiting their turn? (Patience)
   • Did they share a toy without being asked? (Generosity)
   • Are they trying hard on a difficult task, even if they're not perfect? (Perseverance)
   • Did they offer a kind word? (Empathy)
   • Did they make you laugh? (Joyfulness)
   • Did they help clean up without complaining? (Responsibility)
3. Affirm: State it clearly and kindly. Use "I notice..." or "I appreciate..." or "It's great that you..."
   • "I notice how patiently you're waiting for your turn right now. That's really good patience!"
   • "I really appreciate you sharing your snack with your sister. That was very generous of you."
   • "I see you working so hard on that puzzle. I admire your perseverance!"
   • "Thank you for saying that nice thing to Grandma. You have a kind heart."

Why it's a Micro-Win:

• Time-Efficient: Takes mere seconds per instance.
• Impactful: Creates moments of positive connection and builds self-esteem.
• Shifts Focus: Encourages looking for the good, counteracting the natural tendency to focus on what's wrong.
• Builds Resilience: Regular affirmation helps children internalize their strengths, making them more resilient to criticism or doubt, just as Saul eventually rose to the occasion.
• Models Behavior: You're modeling for your child how to offer praise and encouragement to others.

Blessing the Chaos: Some days, finding a "gem" might be as simple as noticing your child is breathing! That's okay. The intention to look and affirm is the micro-habit. On chaotic days, even a simple, "I see you're managing this mess with… well, something!" can be an act of affirmation. The goal is connection and recognition, not perfection.

Takeaway

This week, remember that leadership – and indeed, all significant growth – often begins with a spark of potential that might be hidden, uncertain, or even a little awkward. Our role as parents is to be the wise Samuel, anointing our children with belief, guiding them with consistent values, and affirming their unique strengths. By actively looking for and verbalizing their "hidden gems," even for just a few seconds each day, we help them see their own worth and build the resilience to step into their own roles, blessed by our love and the enduring presence of the Divine.