I Samuel 28:24-30:24

The Uninvited Guest: Finding Strength When We Feel Abandoned

Insight

This week, we encounter a pivotal, and frankly, unsettling moment in the life of King Saul. He's at his lowest, facing an overwhelming military threat, and his usual channels of divine communication have gone silent. In his desperation, he turns to forbidden practices, seeking counsel from a medium to bring up the spirit of the recently deceased prophet Samuel. This is a powerful, albeit dark, illustration of what happens when we feel completely cut off. It’s a gut-wrenching moment, and as parents, we can relate to that feeling of isolation when our usual coping mechanisms or support systems seem to fail us. Think about those times when your child is struggling, and you’ve tried everything you can think of, and nothing is working. You might feel that same sense of helplessness, that same frantic search for any answer, even one that feels wrong or goes against your better judgment.

Saul’s actions highlight a fundamental human need: the need for guidance and reassurance, especially in the face of fear and uncertainty. When we feel like God has turned away, or when our usual spiritual anchors are adrift, we can be tempted to grasp at straws, to seek answers in places that don't align with our values or our understanding of the Divine. This is particularly true for us as parents. We are constantly making decisions, big and small, that impact our children's lives. When we're tired, stressed, or facing a challenge that feels insurmountable, it's easy to fall into patterns that aren't serving us or our families. We might snap at our kids, withdraw, or seek advice from sources that offer quick fixes but lack true wisdom.

The story of Saul and Samuel also speaks to the consequences of our choices. Samuel’s message to Saul is stark: his downfall is a direct result of his past disobedience. This isn’t about blame or shame; it’s about understanding that our actions have ripple effects. For us as parents, this means recognizing that our own struggles and how we navigate them can profoundly influence our children. When we are honest about our own challenges, when we seek help, and when we try to make amends for our mistakes, we are modeling resilience and accountability. We are showing our children that even when things are tough, we can learn, grow, and strive to do better.

The passage also offers a glimmer of hope through David’s example. While Saul is seeking answers from the dead, David, facing his own devastating loss (the burning of Ziklag and the capture of his family), turns to God. He doesn't have all the answers, he's terrified, and his own men are threatening him, but he still “sought strength in the Eternal his God.” This is the essence of what we can learn: even when we feel abandoned, when the world seems to be crashing down, there is always a source of strength to be found within ourselves and through our connection to something greater. This connection isn't always easy to access, especially when we're overwhelmed. It requires intentionality, a conscious choice to turn towards hope rather than despair, towards connection rather than isolation.

This week, let's lean into the idea of seeking strength in the midst of our own "Saul moments" – those times when we feel lost, scared, and unsure of what to do. We don't need to have all the answers, and we certainly don't need to resort to forbidden practices. Instead, we can learn from David’s example to seek strength, to lean on our faith, and to remember that even in the darkest of times, we are not alone. We can also acknowledge the "good enough" tries, the moments where we don't have a perfect response, but we still show up and try our best. That’s where the real growth happens.

Text Snapshot

“When Saul saw the Philistine force, his heart trembled with fear. And Saul inquired of GOD, but GOD did not answer him, either by dreams or by Urim or by prophets. Then Saul said to his courtiers, ‘Find me a woman who consults ghosts, so that I can go to her and inquire through her.’” (I Samuel 28:5-7)

“But David sought strength in the ETERNAL his God. David said to the priest Abiathar son of Ahimelech, ‘Bring the ephod up to me.’ When Abiathar brought up the ephod to David, David inquired of GOD, ‘Shall I pursue those raiders? Will I overtake them?’ The reply came, ‘Pursue, for you shall overtake and you shall rescue.’” (I Samuel 30:6-8)

Activity

Blessing the "Oops" Moment: A Shared Meal of Resilience

Objective: To acknowledge and process moments of parental overwhelm or missteps in a way that models self-compassion and resilience for children.

Time: 10 minutes

Materials: Ingredients for a simple, quick meal or snack (e.g., bread and cheese, fruit, yogurt, or even just setting the table nicely for dinner if it's already planned).

Activity:

1. The Setup (2 minutes):

   • Gather your child(ren) for a brief, intentional moment together. It doesn’t have to be a formal sit-down meal; it can be at the kitchen counter or even during a snack break.
   • Start by saying something like: “You know, sometimes when I’m trying to be a good parent, I mess up. Or maybe I just feel really overwhelmed, and I don’t handle things perfectly. Like when [briefly mention a recent, minor parenting struggle – e.g., ‘I got so frustrated when you couldn’t find your shoes this morning,’ or ‘I was really tired and didn’t have the patience I wanted when you asked for another story’].”
   • Emphasize that it’s okay to not be perfect. “We’re all just trying our best, and sometimes our best isn’t perfect, and that’s okay. The important thing is what we do next.”

2. The "Fattened Calf" Analogy (3 minutes):

   • Introduce the idea from the text: “In our Torah reading this week, King Saul was in a really tough spot, and he made some bad choices. But even in his mess, the woman he went to see made him a special meal. Rashi tells us it was a ‘fattened calf,’ a really good meal. It was a way to give him strength when he was feeling weak and scared. Even when things are hard, taking care of ourselves and connecting with others can give us strength.”
   • Connect this to your family: “So, even when I make a mistake, or when we’re all feeling a bit frazzled, let’s take a moment to share something good together. It’s like our own little ‘fattened calf’ moment – a moment to refuel and reconnect, even when things aren’t perfect.”

3. The "Micro-Meal" of Connection (5 minutes):

   • Serve the simple snack or meal you’ve prepared.
   • During this time, focus on connection. Ask open-ended questions that aren't about performance or mistakes:
     • “What was one thing that made you smile today?”
     • “If you could invent a new flavor of ice cream, what would it be?”
     • “What’s something you’re curious about right now?”
     • Or simply, “What was the best part of your day?”
   • Share your own simple, positive observation or feeling.
   • The goal is not a deep philosophical discussion, but a brief, warm, and nourishing interaction that shows your child that even after parental imperfections, connection and care continue. It's about demonstrating that we can recover, refuel, and move forward together, just as David found strength.

Why this works: This activity directly addresses the “blessing the chaos” and “micro-wins” philosophy. It reframes parental imperfections not as failures, but as opportunities to model self-compassion and resilience. The simple act of sharing food, even a small snack, becomes a symbol of nourishment, connection, and the ability to find strength even in difficult circumstances, mirroring the woman’s act of kindness to Saul and David’s reliance on God. It’s a tangible way to show children that mistakes are part of life, but they don’t have to define us.

Script

Awkward Question: "Mom/Dad, why did King Saul talk to a witch? That sounds like a bad idea."

(30-second script):

"That’s a really insightful question! You noticed that Saul did something that wasn’t allowed, right? The Torah tells us that God wasn’t answering Saul, and he was really scared because the enemy was coming. He felt so alone and desperate that he made a choice to go to someone he shouldn’t have. It’s like when we feel really, really stuck and we’re not sure what to do. Even though Saul’s choice was wrong and it led to more problems, it teaches us a lot about how even leaders can feel lost. And it also shows us how important it is to keep trying to connect with God, like David did, even when it feels hard. We learn from his mistakes so we can try to make better choices ourselves, right?"

Why this works: This script is designed to be concise, non-judgmental, and age-appropriate for a beginner-intermediate level. It acknowledges the child's observation directly, validates the "bad idea" aspect, and then pivots to the why behind Saul's actions (desperation, feeling unheard). It then contrasts Saul's poor choice with David's better example, reinforcing the core lesson of seeking strength from God. The concluding sentence encourages self-reflection and the application of the lesson to their own lives, framing it as a learning opportunity rather than a simple condemnation.

Habit

The "Check-In & Refuel" Micro-Habit

Goal: To build a weekly practice of pausing to assess your emotional and spiritual state, and taking a small step to "refuel" before reaching a crisis point.

How-To: Once a week, for 5 minutes, do the following:

1. Pause: Find a quiet moment (while washing dishes, commuting, before bed, etc.).
2. Check-In: Ask yourself, honestly: "How am I really feeling right now? Am I feeling drained, stressed, disconnected, or overwhelmed?"
3. Micro-Refuel: Based on your check-in, choose one tiny action to replenish yourself. This could be:
   • Taking 3 deep breaths and saying a short prayer or affirmation.
   • Listening to one uplifting song.
   • Reading a single comforting verse from Psalms or another text.
   • Stepping outside for 60 seconds of fresh air.
   • Sipping a cup of tea or water mindfully.
   • Sending a quick text to a friend just to say "thinking of you."

Why this works: This habit is designed to be almost laughably simple, making it achievable for even the busiest parent. It's inspired by the woman who fed Saul and the need for David to seek strength. Instead of waiting until we are as desperate as Saul, or as overwhelmed as David after Ziklag, we proactively build small moments of "nourishment" into our week. This isn't about grand gestures; it's about consistent, tiny acts of self-care that prevent burnout and allow us to respond to challenges with more presence and less panic. It’s a micro-win that builds resilience.

Takeaway

This week, we’ve seen the stark contrast between despair leading to forbidden paths and faith leading to strength, even in the face of immense loss. Saul’s story is a cautionary tale about what happens when we feel abandoned by the Divine, while David’s story reminds us that even in our darkest moments, seeking strength in God is our most powerful resource. As parents, we will inevitably face our own "Saul moments"—times of fear, uncertainty, and feeling unheard. Instead of reaching for quick, unhelpful fixes, let us commit to David’s path: to actively seek strength in our faith, in our community, and in ourselves. Let’s bless the chaos, aim for those micro-wins of connection and self-care, and trust that by doing so, we build resilience, not just for ourselves, but for our entire family. Remember, a "good enough" try is always a step forward.