I Samuel 28:24-30:24

Jewish Parenting in 15

Level: Beginner→Intermediate

Mode & Minutes: Standard, 15 minutes

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Insight

In this week's portion, we encounter a moment of profound despair for King Saul. Facing a formidable Philistine army, he desperately seeks divine guidance, but G-d is silent. In his desperation, he turns to a forbidden practice: consulting a medium. This act leads to a terrifying encounter with the spirit of the deceased prophet Samuel, who delivers a grim prophecy of Saul's downfall and death. Simultaneously, David, who had been living among the Philistines, is unexpectedly sent away from the impending battle, only to return to find his own home, Ziklag, raided and his family taken captive. Despite this immense personal tragedy and the threat of his own men turning against him, David turns to G-d for strength and guidance, ultimately leading him to recover all that was lost. This narrative, while dramatic and fraught with peril, offers us, as parents, a powerful lens through which to examine our own moments of crisis and decision-making.

The core insight here for us as parents lies in understanding the difference between seeking help and seeking the right kind of help. Saul, in his fear and isolation, abandons the established pathways of divine connection – prayer, dreams, or the Urim and Thummim – and resorts to a desperate, illicit measure. This is a classic human response to overwhelming fear and a feeling of abandonment. We’ve all been there, haven't we? Those moments when the usual tools just aren't working, and the pressure feels unbearable. It's in these moments that we are most vulnerable to making choices that are not aligned with our values or long-term well-being. Saul’s actions highlight the danger of seeking quick fixes or external validation when we feel cut off from our true sources of strength. He was seeking an answer, any answer, to alleviate his immediate terror, rather than focusing on the underlying reasons for G-d’s silence or his own fractured relationship with the Divine.

Contrast this with David’s response. When faced with personal devastation – his home destroyed, his family captured, and his men ready to mutiny – his first instinct is not to lash out, despair, or seek forbidden counsel. Instead, the text explicitly states, "But David sought strength in the Eternal his God." This is not just a passive statement; it’s an active choice, a turning towards a trusted source. He asks for the ephod, the priestly garment used for divine consultation, and he inquires of G-d. Even when his men are bitter and want to deny a share of the spoils to those who stayed behind, David intervenes, establishing a principle of fairness and shared destiny, rooted in G-d's deliverance. He doesn't succumb to the immediate anger or division; he seeks a principled, G-d-centered resolution.

As parents, we often feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. We're responsible for the well-being, education, and emotional development of our children, and sometimes the challenges feel insurmountable. We might be facing financial difficulties, health concerns, marital strain, or simply the daily chaos of raising a family. In these times, it's easy to feel like Saul – overwhelmed, unheard, and tempted to take shortcuts or engage in behaviors that might offer temporary relief but ultimately lead us further astray. This could manifest as excessive screen time to escape, unhealthy coping mechanisms, or even harsh words spoken out of frustration. These are our "consulting ghosts" – the easy, but ultimately destructive, ways we try to numb the pain or force a solution.

The wisdom from this parashah is to recognize that our primary source of strength and guidance, even in the face of silence or crisis, is our connection to the Divine and to our core values. This doesn't mean we won't experience fear, frustration, or doubt. David certainly did. But it means we choose where to direct our energy and our seeking. Instead of being drawn to the "woman who consults ghosts" – the quick fix, the external validation, the unhealthy escape – we are called to be like David, to "seek strength in the Eternal." This might involve prayer, meditation, seeking wisdom from trusted spiritual mentors, or engaging in practices that ground us in our faith. It’s about consciously choosing to engage with the Divine, even when we don't immediately feel a response.

Furthermore, the text underscores the importance of our actions, even when we feel powerless. Saul's downfall is directly linked to his disobedience, specifically his failure to carry out G-d's wrath upon the Amalekites. This is a stark reminder that our choices have consequences, and that our relationship with the Divine is nurtured through obedience and adherence to ethical principles. As parents, our "disobedience" might not be as dramatic, but it can manifest in failing to live by the values we espouse, in neglecting our responsibilities, or in allowing our own fears to dictate our actions in ways that harm our children.

David’s story also teaches us about resilience and leadership, even in the midst of personal loss. He doesn't let the capture of his family paralyze him. He doesn't succumb to the anger of his men. He seeks G-d’s direction and then acts decisively and justly. This is a model for us: when faced with setbacks, we can choose to be proactive, to seek wisdom, and to lead our families with integrity, even when it’s incredibly difficult. The "good enough" parent, in this context, is the one who, despite their own struggles, makes the conscious effort to turn towards G-d, to act with integrity, and to seek righteous solutions. We will stumble, we will make mistakes, but the persistent turning towards G-d, like David, is the true victory.

Let's consider the "bless the chaos" aspect. Saul's situation is pure chaos. He's facing an enemy, G-d is silent, and he's resorting to desperate measures. David's situation is also chaotic – his home is gone, his family is taken. Yet, within this chaos, there are opportunities for micro-wins. Saul's encounter, though terrifying, confirms G-d's judgment and perhaps serves as a tragic lesson. David's loss, though devastating, propels him to seek G-d and ultimately leads to a triumphant recovery and a solidified leadership principle. For us, the chaos of parenting – the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the endless demands – can be a breeding ground for these micro-wins. It's in the midst of the storm that we can practice patience, find moments of connection, and discover our own inner strength, guided by our faith. The key is to not let the chaos overwhelm us into making Saul-like choices, but rather to navigate it with David-like faith and resilience.

The text also subtly touches upon the nature of prophecy and divine communication. Saul is desperate for a direct answer, but G-d isn't communicating through dreams, Urim, or prophets. He resorts to the forbidden. Samuel’s words, when they come, are not a comforting reassurance but a stark reiteration of Saul's past failings and future doom. This reminds us that divine guidance isn't always what we want to hear; it often calls us to accountability and repentance. As parents, we might not be receiving prophecies, but we do receive feedback – from our children, from our own conscience, from the consequences of our actions. The "good enough" parent listens to this feedback, even when it's uncomfortable, and uses it to grow, rather than dismissing it like Saul tried to dismiss Samuel’s words.

Finally, the story of David and the Amalekites’ raid on Ziklag is a powerful illustration of leadership and justice within a community. David’s decision to ensure that those who stayed behind share equally in the spoils, despite the grumbling of some, establishes a precedent of unity and fairness. This is a crucial lesson for us as parents and community members. How do we ensure that everyone’s contribution is valued, even if it looks different? How do we foster a sense of collective responsibility and reward? David’s actions demonstrate that true leadership is about prioritizing justice and unity over immediate personal gain or appeasement of the loudest voices. In our homes, this translates to ensuring that all family members feel seen and valued, and that responsibilities are shared equitably, even amidst differing abilities or circumstances. The goal is not perfect execution, but a consistent effort to live by these principles. The story of Saul and David, in their vastly different responses to crisis, offers us a profound opportunity to reflect on our own parenting paths, urging us to choose the way of faith, resilience, and righteous action.

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Text Snapshot

"But David sought strength in the Eternal his God. David said to the priest Abiathar son of Ahimelech, “Bring the ephod up to me.” When Abiathar brought up the ephod to David, David inquired of God, “Shall I pursue those raiders? Will I overtake them?” The reply came, “Pursue, for you shall overtake and you shall rescue.”" (I Samuel 30:7-8)

"And Saul said to his courtiers, “Find me a woman who consults ghosts, so that I can go to her and inquire through her.” And his courtiers told him that there was a woman in En-dor who consulted ghosts." (I Samuel 28:7)

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Activity

Title: "Seeking Strength, Not Shortcuts" Family Reflection

Time: 10 minutes

Goal: To help families identify healthy coping mechanisms and sources of strength, contrasting them with unhealthy shortcuts.

Materials: A piece of paper, pens or markers.

Instructions:

1. Gather: Bring your family together for a brief, focused chat.
2. Introduce the Concept (2 mins): "Today, we read about King Saul who, when he was scared and didn't know what to do, looked for a quick, forbidden way to get an answer. David, on the other hand, when he had a terrible problem, turned to G-d for strength. We all have times when things are tough or scary. Sometimes it feels easier to take a shortcut or do something that feels good for a moment, but isn't the best for us in the long run. Other times, we can find real strength by turning to good sources."
3. Brainstorm "Shortcuts" (3 mins): "Let's think about some 'shortcuts' people (or even we!) might take when they're feeling overwhelmed or sad. These are things that might feel good for a moment, but don't really solve the problem or help us grow. For example, maybe playing video games for hours when you have homework, or snapping at someone when you're angry." (Write down their ideas, no judgment. Examples: excessive screen time, eating junk food, yelling, ignoring problems, complaining constantly).
4. Brainstorm "Sources of Strength" (3 mins): "Now, let's think about the real ways we can find strength and help when things are hard. What are the things that truly make us feel better, stronger, or help us solve problems in a good way? Think about what David did, turning to G-d. What else can we do?" (Write down their ideas. Examples: praying, talking to a parent/friend, exercising, reading a good book, listening to music, doing a mitzvah, spending time in nature, drawing, writing in a journal).
5. Connect and Affirm (2 mins): "See how different these lists are? The 'shortcuts' might be tempting, but they often leave us feeling worse later. The 'sources of strength' are things that help us, help our family, and connect us to what's important. When you feel that urge to take a shortcut, try to remember one of these sources of strength instead. Even a small step towards a good source of strength is a big win!"

Parental Role: Facilitate with kindness and curiosity. Affirm all contributions without judgment on the "shortcuts" list, framing them as understandable temptations. Emphasize the positive nature of the "sources of strength" list.

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Script

Awkward Question: "Mom/Dad, why did Saul talk to a dead person? Isn't that wrong?"

Parent (Kind, Realistic Tone): "That's a really thoughtful question! You're right, the Torah tells us that what Saul did – talking to a medium to bring up the spirit of Samuel – wasn't the right way to go about things. It was actually forbidden by King Saul himself earlier, and even more importantly, it wasn't how we're supposed to connect with G-d or with the past.

When Saul was feeling incredibly scared and alone because the Philistines were attacking and he felt G-d wasn't answering him, he made a really bad choice. He looked for a shortcut, a forbidden way to get an answer, instead of trusting in the ways G-d had given us to connect, like prayer or listening to prophets.

The spirit of Samuel that appeared wasn't there to help Saul in a good way; it was actually a message of doom because of Saul’s past mistakes. It’s a sad story that shows us what happens when we turn away from the right path when we're in trouble.

So, to answer your question directly, it was wrong because it was forbidden, and more importantly, it was Saul’s desperate, fear-driven choice to ignore the proper ways of connecting with G-d and instead seek help from a forbidden source. It’s a good reminder for us to always try and seek strength and guidance in the right ways, even when things feel really, really tough. Does that make sense?"

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Habit

Micro-Habit: "Moment of Divine Turning"

For the week: Once a day, during a moment of unexpected stress, frustration, or decision-making (even small ones), consciously pause for 15 seconds. Instead of immediately reacting, take a deep breath and silently say, "I turn to You, G-d, for strength/guidance/patience." Then, proceed with your action or decision. It's about the intention to turn, not necessarily an immediate feeling of divine intervention.

Why this works: This habit is about building the muscle of consciously directing your focus towards your faith when faced with life's inevitable bumps. It's not about solving the problem in those 15 seconds, but about shifting your internal compass. It's a micro-act of seeking strength, mirroring David's deliberate choice. Even if the situation doesn't magically resolve, you've practiced a healthy, faith-aligned response, which is a significant micro-win.

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Takeaway

In the face of fear and uncertainty, our choices define our path. Like Saul, we might be tempted by forbidden shortcuts when G-d feels silent. But like David, we have the power to choose to seek strength in G-d, even amidst chaos. Embrace the "good enough" try at turning your focus, and remember that consistent, small acts of faith build resilience and illuminate the way forward. Bless the chaos, and celebrate every micro-win of seeking the Divine.