Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 1:13

Hook

If you're exploring a Jewish life, you're embarking on a profound journey of self-discovery and covenant. This passage from the Tanya, a foundational text of Chassidic philosophy, speaks directly to the heart of that exploration. It grapples with fundamental questions about human nature, our capacity for good and for struggle, and what it truly means to be righteous. For someone discerning conversion, this text is not just philosophical musing; it's a guide to understanding the inner landscape you'll be navigating. It offers a framework for understanding the complexities of intention, action, and the ongoing process of becoming. It’s a reminder that this path is not about perfection from day one, but about sincere engagement with the journey, and this text dives right into the heart of that challenge.

Context

This excerpt from Tanya, specifically Likkutei Amarim Chapter 13, is an essential read for anyone on the path to conversion. It delves into the spiritual classifications of individuals as described in Jewish tradition.

• Spiritual Classifications and Their Nuances: The text introduces the concepts of tzaddik (righteous person) and benoni (intermediate person), drawing from Talmudic discussions. It moves beyond a simplistic understanding of "good deeds vs. bad deeds" to explore the deeper motivations and internal struggles that define these spiritual states. This is crucial for understanding that Jewish spiritual life is not a checklist, but a dynamic process of growth and self-awareness.
• The "Oath" and Internal Struggle: It references a powerful concept of an "oath" administered before birth, which instructs individuals to be righteous yet simultaneously to view themselves as if wicked. This paradoxical instruction highlights the inherent tension within human nature and the constant need for humility and self-reflection, even as we strive for righteousness. For someone considering conversion, this speaks to the internal work required to embrace Jewish values and practices with sincerity.
• Two Souls and the Nature of Being: The text introduces a profound concept from Kabbalistic thought: that every Jew possesses two souls – one from a divine, spiritual source, and another that originates from the “kelipah” (shell/husks), which influences our baser instincts. Understanding this duality is key to grasping the ongoing spiritual battles and the conscious effort required to align oneself with the divine soul. This concept is particularly relevant for converts as they consciously choose to embrace a life guided by the divine soul and its commandments.
• Relevance to Beit Din and Mikveh: While not explicitly detailing the process, this discussion of internal spiritual states and motivations is foundational to the beit din (rabbinical court) and mikveh (ritual immersion) stages of conversion. The beit din seeks to understand the sincerity of your intention and your commitment to Jewish observance, which is informed by an understanding of your internal spiritual journey. The mikveh represents a spiritual rebirth, a shedding of the old self and an embrace of a new covenant, a process deeply intertwined with the concepts of inner transformation discussed here.

Text Snapshot

"It has been taught: An oath is administered to him [before birth, warning him]: 'Be righteous and be not wicked; and even if the whole world tells you that you are righteous, in your own eyes regard yourself as if you were wicked.' This requires to be understood, for it contradicts the Mishnaic dictum: 'And be not wicked in your own estimation.' Furthermore, if a man considers himself to be wicked he will be grieved at heart and depressed, and he will not be able to serve G–d joyfully and with a contented heart; while if he is not perturbed by this [self-appraisal], it may lead him to irreverence, G–d forbid. However, the matter [will be understood after a preliminary discussion]. We find in the Gemara five distinct types—a righteous man who prospers, a righteous man who suffers, a wicked man who prospers, a wicked man who suffers, and a benoni (an intermediate person)."

Close Reading

Belonging Through Conscious Choice and Internal Alignment

The tension presented in the opening lines – "Be righteous and be not wicked; and even if the whole world tells you that you are righteous, in your own eyes regard yourself as if you were wicked" – is profoundly relevant to the journey of conversion, a journey that is fundamentally about choosing to belong to the Jewish people and covenant. This seemingly contradictory instruction is not about self-deprecation but about cultivating a specific kind of spiritual awareness. The directive to "be righteous" is an affirmation of the inherent potential for good within each soul, a call to embrace the commandments and values of Judaism. For a convert, this is the active embrace of a new identity and a commitment to living a Jewish life.

However, the second part, "even if the whole world tells you that you are righteous, in your own eyes regard yourself as if you were wicked," speaks to a deep-seated humility and a recognition of the ongoing struggle against our baser inclinations. It’s a safeguard against spiritual arrogance. When considering conversion, you are actively choosing to align yourself with a tradition that emphasizes the constant internal work required to live a meaningful life. This isn’t about believing you are flawed in a way that disqualifies you, but about acknowledging the ever-present challenge of yetzer hara (the evil inclination). The text immediately flags the apparent contradiction with the Mishnaic dictum, "And be not wicked in your own estimation," signaling that the understanding of these concepts is nuanced and requires deeper exploration. This internal dialogue, this wrestling with self-perception and striving, is a core component of authentic belonging. It’s not a passive reception of identity, but an active, conscious participation in the ongoing spiritual narrative of the Jewish people. Your self-appraisal, even when striving for righteousness, must be tempered with an awareness of the effort still required, fostering a humility that is essential for growth and for true connection to the divine.

Responsibility as a Dynamic State of Being

The introduction of the benoni (intermediate person) and the discussion of the five types of individuals – righteous who prosper, righteous who suffer, wicked who prosper, wicked who suffer, and the benoni – directly addresses the concept of responsibility in Jewish life, especially for someone considering conversion. This isn't a static categorization; it's a dynamic understanding of where one stands in their spiritual journey and the inherent responsibilities that come with it. The text highlights that the benoni is not simply someone whose deeds are equally balanced between good and bad. Rather, it's a more complex state where the struggle against the evil inclination is ongoing and requires constant vigilance.

The profound insight here is that the benoni is the individual who is actively engaged in the struggle, even if they are not yet a perfect tzaddik. Rabbah’s declaration, "I, for example, am a benoni," and Abbaye’s response, "Master, you do not make it possible for anyone to live," underscore the high standards within Judaism and the potential for even the greatest to feel the weight of their responsibilities. For someone discerning conversion, this is incredibly encouraging. It means that the path is not about achieving an immediate, unattainable perfection. Instead, it's about embracing the responsibility to engage with Jewish practice and thought with sincerity, even amidst ongoing challenges. The text implies that even the benoni is not free from the obligation to strive, to learn, and to act. The responsibility lies in the conscious effort to choose the divine soul over the lower inclinations, to actively pursue knowledge of Torah, and to uphold the commandments to the best of one's ability. This understanding of responsibility is not a burden, but an invitation to participate actively in the ongoing creation of a sacred life, a life that is deeply interwoven with the responsibilities of the covenant.

Lived Rhythm

Embrace the Power of Brachot (Blessings)

This week, let’s focus on integrating the concept of conscious intention and spiritual awareness into your daily life through the practice of brachot (blessings). The Tanya emphasizes the internal state and the constant engagement with our spiritual selves. Brachot are not merely rote recitations; they are moments to connect with the divine presence in the ordinary.

Your Concrete Next Step: For the upcoming week, choose three brachot you regularly recite (e.g., brachot before eating bread, after using the restroom, or on seeing a rainbow). Before reciting each of these brachot, take a moment – even just five seconds – to pause and consciously connect the blessing to the specific act or phenomenon it commemorates. For example, before blessing over bread, briefly acknowledge the process of growth, harvest, and baking that brought it to you. After using the restroom, consider the wonder of the human body’s functioning. When you see a rainbow, reflect on the covenantal promise it represents. The goal isn't to overthink it, but to imbue these moments with a mindful awareness of G-d's presence in the world and your place within it. This practice directly mirrors the Tanya's call to be aware of our spiritual state and to infuse our actions with intention, making even the mundane sacred.

Community

Seek Wisdom from a Mentor or Rabbi

The depth of this passage from Tanya, with its intricate discussions of spiritual states and the nature of the soul, highlights the invaluable role of guidance. The text itself acknowledges that understanding these concepts "requires to be understood" and that further explanation is needed.

Your Concrete Next Step: Reach out to a rabbi, a spiritual director, or a mentor who is knowledgeable in Jewish thought and practice. Schedule a brief conversation (even 15-20 minutes) specifically to discuss this passage. Share your initial thoughts, your questions, and any confusions you have. Ask them to explain the concept of the benoni in more detail or to elaborate on the idea of two souls. A good mentor can offer context, clarify difficult passages, and help you connect these philosophical ideas to the practical realities of living a Jewish life. This is a crucial step in ensuring you are building your understanding on a solid foundation and receiving personalized guidance for your unique journey.

Takeaway

This exploration of the Tanya reveals that the path of Jewish life, and by extension conversion, is a journey of profound inner engagement. It's not about achieving an immediate state of perfect righteousness, but about embracing the continuous, conscious effort to align oneself with the divine will, tempered by humility and a realistic understanding of human nature. The concepts of the benoni, the dual souls, and the paradoxical oath are not meant to discourage, but to empower you with a framework for understanding your spiritual journey. They invite you to take responsibility for your choices, to cultivate mindful awareness in your practice, and to seek wisdom within a supportive community. Your sincere striving, your ongoing learning, and your commitment to this process are the heart of what it means to walk the path of covenant.