Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 12:10

Hook

We gather today in the quiet space of remembrance, a time when the tapestry of our lives feels both rich with the threads of those we have loved and acutely aware of the spaces left by their absence. This moment is for honoring the unique imprint of a soul, for acknowledging the enduring echo of their presence, and for finding a gentle way to hold their memory. Whether this is a newly formed grief or a familiar companion, we approach this space with reverence for the journey of memory and meaning. Today, we will explore a concept from Jewish mystical thought that speaks to the ongoing work of inner life and how it can inform our relationship with those who have passed from this world.

Text Snapshot

"The benoni (intermediate) is he in whom evil never attains enough power to capture the “small city,” so as to clothe itself in the body and make it sin. That is to say, the three “garments” of the animal soul, namely, thought, speech, and act, originating in the kelipah, do not prevail within him over the divine soul to the extent of clothing themselves in the body—in the brain, in the mouth, and in the other 248 parts—thereby causing them to sin and defiling them, G–d forbid. Only the three garments of the divine soul, they alone are implemented in the body, being the thought, speech, and act engaged in the 613 commandments of the Torah. He has never committed, nor ever will commit, any transgression; neither can the name “wicked” be applied to him even temporarily, or even for a moment, throughout his life."

This passage from the Tanya describes the concept of the benoni, the "intermediate" person, who lives a life where the impulses toward negativity or sin do not overpower their capacity for good. Their actions, thoughts, and speech are aligned with the divine, actively engaging with the commandments of the Torah. It speaks to a profound internal balance, where the "divine soul" guides the "animal soul," ensuring that the body's actions are not defiled by transgression. While this describes a living person's spiritual state, the underlying idea of internal alignment and the conscious choice to engage with goodness can offer a unique lens through which to approach remembrance. It suggests that even in the face of life's complexities and our own internal struggles, there is a striving towards a higher purpose, a direction towards light, which is a powerful testament to the human spirit.

Kavvanah

Cultivating Inner Resonance

Our intention today is to cultivate a kavvanah—a focused intention—that allows us to hold the memory of our loved ones with a sense of enduring goodness and meaning, even as we navigate the landscape of grief. The concept of the benoni, while describing an ideal state of being in life, offers us a profound metaphor for the way we can choose to engage with memory. It is not about denying the pain or the complexities that may have accompanied our loved one's life or passing, but rather about focusing our intention on the positive, on the enduring spiritual essence that transcends the physical. Our kavvanah is to connect with the benoni within ourselves, the part that strives for light, and to extend that striving outward to the memory of the one we are remembering. We intend to see their legacy not through a lens of perfection, but through the lens of their striving, their moments of choosing goodness, their sparks of divine light. We aim to hold this memory with the same gentle internal dialogue described in the Tanya, where wisdom guides us away from the shadows and towards an appreciation of the enduring light. We seek to imbue our remembrance with a sense of peace, recognizing that just as the benoni strives to align their inner world with divine purpose, so too can we align our remembrance with a focus on the enduring goodness and the positive impact our loved ones have had, and continue to have, on our lives. This kavvanah is a gentle invitation to acknowledge the totality of their being, embracing both the visible and the invisible, the earthly and the divine, and to find solace in the enduring strength of their spirit.

Embracing the Divine Spark

Our kavvanah for this practice is to acknowledge and honor the enduring divine spark within the person we are remembering, and to recognize how that spark may have manifested in their life. The Tanya speaks of the "divine soul" and its faculties. When we remember someone, we are not just recalling their physical presence or their worldly accomplishments. We are invited to connect with the deeper essence of who they were—their unique spirit, their capacity for love, their inherent worth. Our intention is to focus on the positive manifestations of that divine spark: their kindness, their courage, their moments of wisdom, their capacity for joy, their acts of compassion. We aim to see these qualities not as fleeting occurrences, but as expressions of an enduring inner light. This practice is not about creating an idealized version of the person, but about consciously choosing to illuminate the aspects of their being that were most aligned with goodness and growth. It is an act of spiritual discernment, allowing us to draw strength and inspiration from their enduring legacy. We cultivate a mind and heart open to receiving the blessings of their memory, and to allowing those blessings to nurture our own spirits. This kavvanah is a commitment to seeing the divine in the human, and to allowing that vision to guide our remembrance, bringing a sense of profound connection and peace.

Practice

The Candle of Intention

The practice we will engage in is the lighting of a memorial candle, not just as a symbol of a life extinguished, but as a beacon of enduring presence and a focal point for our kavvanah. The Tanya describes the human being as a "small city" with different faculties, where the divine soul's "garments" of thought, speech, and act are engaged in the commandments. This imagery of a "city" with distinct parts allows us to consider how our loved one navigated their inner world and their outward expressions.

The Practice:

1. Choose Your Candle: Select a candle that resonates with you. It could be a tall yahrzeit candle designed to burn for a specific period, or a smaller, more decorative candle. The act of choosing is part of the intention.

2. Find Your Space: Create a quiet, undisturbed space where you can focus. This could be a corner of your home, a quiet room, or even a peaceful outdoor spot.

3. Prepare the Space: You might wish to have a photograph of your loved one nearby, or an object that holds special significance for them.

4. Light the Candle: As you strike the match or press the lighter, hold your kavvanah in your mind. Speak the following intention aloud or silently: "I light this flame to honor the enduring light of [Name of Loved One]. May this light illuminate the goodness they brought into the world, and may their memory continue to inspire and guide me."

5. Engage with the Flame: For a few moments, simply gaze into the flame. Consider the qualities described in the Tanya: the battle between different impulses, and the triumph of the divine soul. Think about how these concepts might relate to your loved one.

   • Reflection Prompt 1: The "Small City" Within The Tanya speaks of the "small city" of the self, where the divine soul strives for dominance. Reflect on your loved one's inner life. What were the qualities of their "divine soul" that shone through? Were there particular moments when you witnessed their inner strength, their capacity for goodness, their wisdom, or their compassion? Think of specific instances where their actions or words reflected a striving towards something higher, even amidst challenges. This is not about judging their entire life, but about appreciating the times their inner light was most evident.
   • Reflection Prompt 2: The Garments of Expression The text mentions the "three garments" of thought, speech, and act. Consider your loved one's expressions in the world. How did they communicate their inner world? What were their characteristic ways of thinking, speaking, and acting? Were there particular patterns of thought that seemed to guide them towards positive action? Did their speech bring comfort, wisdom, or joy to others? Did their actions demonstrate their values? Think of specific examples that illustrate these "garments" of their being.
   • Reflection Prompt 3: Enduring Light, Not Absence The flame of the candle represents a continuous, though changing, presence. Just as light banishes darkness, consider how your loved one's positive impact continues to illuminate your life and the lives of others. What lessons did they teach you that you carry forward? What positive qualities did they embody that you aspire to? How does their memory encourage you to live with greater intention and goodness? The Tanya emphasizes that the "evil" does not attain "sole authority." In this way, we focus on how the goodness of our loved one's spirit ultimately prevailed and continues to resonate.

6. Closing the Practice: When you feel ready, you can extinguish the candle, or allow it to burn down. As you do, you might say: "May the memory of [Name of Loved One] be a blessing, and may their light continue to shine within us."

This practice invites a gentle introspection, drawing on the profound metaphor of the benoni to focus on the enduring goodness and spiritual essence of the person we remember. It is a way to actively engage with their legacy, transforming remembrance into a source of strength and inspiration.

Community

Sharing the Echoes

The Tanya's description of the benoni highlights the internal struggle and the conscious choice to align with goodness. In grief, we often feel isolated in our internal landscape. Connecting with others who have shared experiences can be a profound source of solace and understanding. The concept of the "small city" within each of us, when shared, can become a larger, interconnected community of souls.

The Practice:

1. Invitation to Share (Optional): After engaging with the candle practice, if you feel a sense of openness and connection, consider reaching out to one or two trusted individuals who also knew the person you are remembering. This could be a family member, a close friend, or a member of your spiritual community.
2. A Gentle Exchange: You might begin by saying, "I've been spending some time reflecting on [Name of Loved One]'s memory today, and I was thinking about how they embodied [a specific positive quality you reflected on during the candle practice]."
3. Offer a Specific Memory: Instead of a general statement, offer a brief, specific memory that illustrates that quality. For example, "I was remembering the time when [Name of Loved One] [recite the specific memory]. It really showed their [quality]."
4. Listen and Receive: After sharing your own reflection, gently invite them to share a memory if they feel comfortable. You might say, "I was wondering if you have a particular memory of them that comes to mind right now?"
5. Focus on Resonance, Not Comparison: The aim is not to compare experiences or to determine whose grief is "greater." It is to find resonance, to hear echoes of the same enduring light in another person's experience. The Tanya speaks of the divine soul's faculties, and in sharing, we witness how those faculties manifested in different ways, yet all contributing to the unique tapestry of our loved one's impact.
6. A Shared Affirmation: Conclude your brief exchange with a shared affirmation, such as, "It's so meaningful to hear your perspective. It helps me feel connected to their enduring spirit." or "Thank you for sharing that. It's a beautiful reminder of the light they brought."

This practice, grounded in the idea of shared human experience and the enduring nature of goodness, allows us to weave our individual threads of remembrance into a stronger, more supportive communal tapestry. It acknowledges that while grief is personal, the love and legacy we cherish can be amplified and sustained through connection with others.

Takeaway

The wisdom of the benoni teaches us that even amidst the complexities of human experience, there is an innate capacity for goodness and a striving towards light. When we approach the memory of our loved ones, we can adopt this same intention. Instead of dwelling solely on absence or regret, we can choose to illuminate the enduring sparks of their divine essence—their kindness, their wisdom, their love. By focusing our intention, engaging in simple practices of remembrance, and sharing our echoes of their spirit with others, we not only honor their legacy but also nurture the light within ourselves. This is not about forgetting the pain, but about consciously cultivating the meaning that can transcend it, transforming remembrance into a source of ongoing strength and connection.