Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 13:1

Hook

Embarking on the path of exploring conversion to Judaism (gerut) is a profound and courageous journey—one that asks for deep introspection, sincere commitment, and a willingness to embrace a new way of being in the world. As you navigate this path, you’ll encounter rich texts that offer maps for the soul, guiding you through the landscape of Jewish thought and practice. This particular text from the Tanya, a foundational work of Chabad Chassidut, is incredibly relevant for someone like you. It doesn't promise an easy, conflict-free spiritual life, but rather offers an honest, empowering, and truly encouraging framework for understanding your inner world and your ongoing relationship with G-d and the Jewish covenant. It helps us understand that the journey isn't about eradicating struggle, but about consistently choosing holiness.

Context

• Understanding the Inner Landscape: The Tanya, authored by Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, is often called the "Written Torah of Chassidut." Its primary goal is to provide a practical guide for every Jew to achieve a deep, conscious connection with G-d. It delves into the intricate workings of the human soul, helping us understand our internal struggles and how to navigate them effectively within a Jewish framework. This isn't abstract philosophy; it's a blueprint for spiritual growth.

• The "Benoni" - A Realistic Ideal: Central to the Tanya is the concept of the benoni, the "intermediate person." This text clarifies that the benoni is not an average person, but rather one who, despite having a fully active "evil inclination" (the animal soul's desires), never transgresses G-d's will in thought, speech, or action. This isn't about eradicating negative desires, but about consistently choosing to fulfill mitzvot. It's a path accessible to everyone, offering a powerful counter-narrative to the idea that only a rare few can achieve spiritual greatness.

• Beyond the Mikveh: The Ongoing Journey: For someone exploring conversion, this text offers a crucial perspective on the life after the beit din and mikveh. Conversion is not a finish line, but the beginning of a lifelong commitment to the covenant. The Tanya reminds us that this commitment involves an ongoing, active engagement with our internal world, consistently choosing G-d's path. It normalizes the internal wrestling you might feel as you integrate Jewish practice into your life, assuring you that you're not alone in that experience, and that divine help is always available.

Text Snapshot

"The evil nature [in the benoni], however, is no more than, for example, a magistrate or judge who gives his opinion on a point of law, yet it is not necessarily a final decision to be implemented in deed, for there is another magistrate or judge who is contesting this opinion... The final verdict comes from the arbitrator—the Holy One, blessed is He, who comes to the aid of the good nature... Even one whose whole aspiration is in G–d’s Torah, which he studies day and night for its own sake, this is still no proof whatsoever that the evil has been dislodged from its place... However, in its essence and substance, the divine soul in the benoni has no preponderance over the animal soul, except at the time when his love for G–d manifests itself in his heart on propitious occasions, such as during prayer and the like... Nevertheless, in relation to the rank of the benonim, it is regarded as a truly perfect service in terms of their [level of] truth... For truth is the attribute of Jacob, who is called the 'middle bolt which secures [everything] from end to end,' from the highest gradations and degrees to the end of all grades."

Close Reading

Insight 1: Embracing the Internal Landscape and Divine Partnership

The Tanya presents a remarkably honest and encouraging view of the human condition, particularly relevant for someone discerning a Jewish life. It tells us that the "evil nature" (the animal soul with its worldly desires) in the benoni is "no more than, for example, a magistrate or judge who gives his opinion." This analogy is incredibly empowering. It doesn't deny the existence of conflicting urges or thoughts that might pull us away from the path of mitzvot. Instead, it reframes them as mere "opinions"—suggestions, not commands. This is crucial for your journey of conversion, as you integrate new practices and commitments into your life. You might find yourself grappling with old habits, internal resistance, or simply a lack of immediate emotional connection to certain mitzvot. This text assures you that the presence of these internal "opinions" doesn't make you "wicked" or disqualify you.

Your responsibility, then, is not to instantly eradicate these internal voices—which the Tanya says is the work of a tzaddik, a truly righteous person, a level few reach—but to ensure they do not become "final decisions to be implemented in deed." This emphasizes the power of conscious choice and action. You are the ultimate arbiter, guided by your divine soul, to choose the path of Torah. And in this arbitration, you are not alone. The text states, "The final verdict comes from the arbitrator—the Holy One, blessed is He, who comes to the aid of the good nature." This is a profound covenantal promise. When you sincerely strive to live a Jewish life, when you choose to fulfill a mitzvah even when it feels challenging, G-d is there to strengthen your resolve. This isn't a passive waiting for divine intervention; it's an active partnership. Your effort to choose good creates an opening for G-d's help to flow in, giving your divine soul the "upper hand and mastery over the folly of the fool and evil nature." This understanding transforms the internal struggle from a potential source of despair into an arena for continuous growth and an opportunity to experience G-d's active presence in your life. It means that even as you feel the pull of other desires, your commitment to the covenant is validated and supported from Above.

Insight 2: The Enduring Strength of Truth and Consistent Practice

The text goes on to offer another vital perspective: "Even one whose whole aspiration is in G–d’s Torah, which he studies day and night for its own sake, this is still no proof whatsoever that the evil has been dislodged from its place." This is a humble and realistic assessment. It teaches us that even deep immersion in Jewish learning and practice doesn't necessarily mean an end to internal struggle. The evil inclination "may still be that its essence and substance are in their full strength and might in its abode in the left part." For someone considering conversion, this is incredibly liberating. It means that your journey isn't about becoming a "perfect" Jew who never feels a negative thought or desire. It's about consistently making the choice to invest your "thought, speech, and act"—what the Tanya calls the "garments" of the soul—into the "613 commandments of the Torah." This is the essence of building a Jewish life: not waiting until you feel perfectly aligned, but acting in accordance with G-d's will, knowing that the actions themselves shape your reality and strengthen your divine soul's dominion.

The text further reinforces this idea by stating that the love for G-d experienced by the benoni "passes and disappears after prayer," yet it is still "regarded as a truly perfect service in terms of their [level of] truth." This is where the concept of "truth" becomes central to your belonging. It's not about the fleeting emotional highs, but about the consistency of your commitment, the "lip of truth shall be established forever." The divine soul has the power to "reawaken this kind of love constantly, during its preponderance in time of prayer day after day, by means of an appropriate [mental] preparation." This means that your consistent practice of mitzvot, your regular engagement with prayer, learning, and Jewish living, creates the pathways for your love and connection to G-d to be renewed. This "truth" is connected to Jacob, who is called the "middle bolt which secures [everything] from end to end." Jacob, the patriarch who embodies truth, represents the unwavering, central core that holds all levels of spiritual experience together. By choosing to convert and embrace the covenant, you are choosing to align yourself with this attribute of truth—a continuous, genuine commitment to G-d and His mitzvot, irrespective of the fluctuations of internal feeling. Your "truth" is in the enduring choice, the consistent effort, and the reliance on divine aid to keep that "bolt" secured.

Lived Rhythm

A concrete next step stemming from this text is to focus on integrating brachot (blessings) into your daily routine with mindful intention. The Tanya emphasizes that while internal desires may persist, our "thought, speech, and act" can and must be directed towards G-d's will. Reciting brachot is a perfect, tangible way to practice this. When you wake up, before eating, after using the restroom, or before engaging in a mitzvah, you have the opportunity to acknowledge G-d's presence and beneficence through a blessing.

Consider this: even if you don't feel a profound sense of spiritual awe every time you say "Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha'olam..." (Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe...), the very act of saying it is an exercise in your divine soul asserting control over your "garments" of speech and thought. It's you, as the benoni, choosing to direct your focus, even when other "magistrates" (worldly thoughts, distractions, or lack of inspiration) might offer their "opinions." This consistent practice trains your mind and heart. It builds a rhythm of gratitude and G-d-consciousness throughout your day, demonstrating that your commitment to the covenant is real and active, not just theoretical. Start with a few key blessings, perhaps Modeh Ani upon waking, or HaMotzi before bread, and slowly expand. Reflect on how this simple act helps you feel G-d's presence assisting your "good nature" in the everyday.

Community

To deepen your understanding of these concepts and integrate them into your life, I highly recommend finding a Tanya study group (a chaburah) or a mentor (rabbi or experienced Jew) who can guide you through the text. The ideas in Tanya are profound and can be challenging to grasp in isolation. Learning with others provides invaluable insights, different perspectives, and a supportive environment for asking questions and sharing your own journey. A chaburah dedicated to Tanya study often delves into specific passages, allowing for rich discussion about how these ancient teachings apply to modern life and personal spiritual growth.

Connecting with a mentor or joining a study group offers more than just intellectual understanding; it provides a sense of belonging. The internal struggle of the benoni can feel isolating, but sharing your experiences and insights with others who are also striving to live a G-d-centered life can be incredibly validating and encouraging. It reinforces the idea that you are part of a larger community, Klal Yisrael, all of whom are, in their own way, seeking to embody the "truth of Jacob" and secure that "middle bolt" of connection from end to end.

Takeaway

Your journey of exploring conversion is a testament to your sincere desire for truth and connection. The Tanya reminds us that Jewish life isn't about achieving a state of effortless perfection, but about the consistent, courageous choice to align our actions, speech, and thoughts with G-d's will, even when internal struggles persist. You are not expected to be a tzaddik instantly, but to embrace the path of the benoni—a journey of ongoing effort, divine partnership, and enduring commitment. This is a beautiful, honest, and truly empowering foundation for building your Jewish life.