Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 13:11

Hook

Embarking on a journey toward a Jewish life is a profound and deeply personal undertaking. It's a path of exploration, discovery, and, most importantly, commitment. As you consider this path, you're likely encountering a rich tapestry of texts, ideas, and practices, each offering a unique lens through which to understand Jewish thought. This particular passage from the Tanya, a foundational work of Chabad Chassidism, speaks directly to the internal landscape of a person navigating their spiritual journey. It delves into the very nature of our inner lives, offering insight into the constant interplay of desires and aspirations. For someone discerning conversion, this text is invaluable because it acknowledges the inherent complexity of the human heart. It doesn't present a simplistic view of good and evil, but rather a nuanced portrayal of the internal struggles and potential for growth that are central to any sincere spiritual pursuit. Understanding this dynamic can empower you to approach your discernment with greater self-awareness, patience, and a deeper appreciation for the intentionality required in building a life aligned with Jewish values. This isn't about finding immediate answers, but about understanding the profound questions that arise as you move closer to a covenantal life.

Context

This exploration of the human spiritual condition is deeply relevant to the process of conversion, often referred to as "gerut" in Jewish tradition.

Relevance to Gerut

• Internal Preparation: The Tanya's discussion of the "benoni" (intermediate person) speaks to the internal work required before formal conversion. It highlights that sincerity and dedication are not always about a complete eradication of challenges, but about the ongoing effort to align oneself with a higher purpose.
• Covenantal Understanding: Conversion is a covenantal act, a profound commitment to the Jewish people and God. Understanding the internal landscape described here helps in appreciating the depth of this commitment, which involves ongoing effort and a conscious choice to engage with Jewish life.
• Beit Din and Mikveh: While this text doesn't directly address the legalistic aspects of conversion like the Beit Din (rabbinical court) or the Mikveh (ritual immersion), it lays the groundwork for understanding the inner state that these external acts signify. The Beit Din seeks sincerity and commitment, and the Mikveh symbolizes a spiritual rebirth, both of which are nurtured by the internal wrestling and aspiration described in the Tanya.

Text Snapshot

The Tanya describes the "benoni" as someone judged by both good and evil impulses. Unlike being "ruled" by them, the evil nature is like a magistrate offering an opinion, contested by a divine soul. God's help illuminates the divine soul to gain mastery. Yet, the evil nature remains in its innate strength, craving worldly pleasures. This person is like a "wicked man" in their own eyes, not truly wicked, but constantly aware of the evil's persistent presence. Even deep Torah study doesn't necessarily dislodge the evil's essence, but rather, the divine soul, through God's aid, governs the body's actions, directing them towards fulfilling God's commandments. This internal dynamic is a constant negotiation, a struggle for dominion where the divine soul's love for God, particularly during prayer, can temporarily subdue the animal soul, which can later reawaken.

Close Reading

This passage from Tanya offers a profound framework for understanding the internal landscape of someone committed to a spiritual path, particularly as they discern a Jewish life. It moves beyond simplistic notions of good and evil, presenting a sophisticated model of human psychology and spiritual struggle that is remarkably relevant to the journey of conversion.

Insight 1: Belonging Through Honest Self-Appraisal, Not Perfection

The text introduces the concept of the benoni, the "intermediate person," who is "judged by both [the good and evil natures]." This is a crucial distinction. It doesn't say "ruled" by both, which implies a loss of agency. Instead, the evil inclination is described as a "magistrate or judge who gives his opinion," but one that is challenged by another "magistrate or judge, the divine soul." This internal dialogue is the very essence of spiritual growth.

For someone discerning conversion, this insight is liberating. It acknowledges that you don't need to arrive at a state of perfect righteousness before you can truly belong or be considered worthy of exploring this path. The Jewish tradition, and indeed life itself, is not about achieving an unattainable ideal from the outset. Instead, it's about the sincere engagement with this internal debate. The text emphasizes that even if "the whole world tells you that you are righteous, in your own eyes regard yourself as if you were wicked." This is not an invitation to self-flagellation, but a profound call for humility and honest self-appraisal. It means recognizing the persistent presence of challenges, desires, and inclinations that may pull you away from your aspirations. This awareness, far from being a sign of unworthiness, is precisely the fertile ground for genuine spiritual progress.

The beauty of this perspective lies in its covenantal implication. Belonging in Judaism isn't solely based on inherent merit or a flawless past. It's about entering into a relationship, a covenant, with God and the Jewish people. This covenant is built on sincerity, effort, and the willingness to engage with the challenges of life. When the Tanya states that the divine soul, through God's help, gains "mastery over the folly of the fool and evil nature," it’s speaking to the power of intentionality. Your desire to embrace Jewish life, your commitment to learning, and your efforts to align your actions with its values are the very mechanisms through which your divine soul asserts its dominion. This doesn't mean the "evil nature" disappears; it remains "in its innate strength, craving after all the pleasures of this world." However, its power to dictate your actions is curtailed by your conscious choices and the divine assistance that flows to your "divine soul in the brain." Therefore, your sense of belonging isn't contingent on eradicating your challenges, but on your honest engagement with them and your persistent effort to align yourself with the good, supported by divine grace.

Insight 2: Responsibility Through Conscious Choice and Practice

The passage powerfully underscores the concept of responsibility through the active role of the divine soul and the crucial function of the "arbitrator." The text states, "The final verdict comes from the arbitrator—the Holy One, blessed is He, who comes to the aid of the good nature." This divine assistance is not passive; it "illuminates the divine soul, that it may gain the upper hand and mastery over the folly of the evil nature." This highlights that while we are not alone in this struggle, our responsibility lies in actively allowing this divine illumination to guide us.

The description of the evil nature "craving after all the pleasures of this world" and its "innate strength" is candid. It's a reminder that the allure of the mundane is powerful. However, the text immediately pivots to the mechanism of control: "the Holy One, blessed is He, ‘stands at the right hand of the poor man,’ helping him and irradiating his divine soul." This divine intervention empowers the divine soul to exert dominion over the "small city," which represents all the parts of the body. This dominion is expressed through the "thought, speech, and act of the 613 commandments of the Torah." This is where our responsibility becomes tangible. It is through the conscious choice to engage in mitzvot (commandments), to learn Torah, and to cultivate a prayerful life that we actively participate in this divine-human partnership.

The analogy of the evil nature being like a "sleeping man, who can awaken from his sleep" during moments of spiritual fervor, and then "wake up again," is particularly poignant for someone on the cusp of conversion. It suggests that spiritual commitment is not a static achievement but a dynamic, ongoing process. There will be times when your heart "glows with the love of G–d," particularly during prayer, and times when the "evil in the [heart’s] left part... can wake up again." Your responsibility is to recognize these ebbs and flows, and to cultivate practices that strengthen the divine soul's ascendancy. The text emphasizes that "the lip of truth shall be established forever," and for the benoni, this truth is found in their ability to "reawaken this kind of love constantly, during its preponderance in time of prayer day after day, by means of an appropriate [mental] preparation." This means that your responsibility is to actively prepare yourself, to engage in the practices that foster this connection, and to understand that consistent effort, even after moments of spiritual intensity, is the hallmark of true commitment. Your growing engagement with Jewish practice, even in its nascent stages, is your active participation in this covenantal responsibility.

Lived Rhythm

As you continue to discern your path toward a Jewish life, integrating the insights from this text into your daily or weekly rhythm can be incredibly grounding. The Tanya speaks to the importance of conscious engagement and the reawakening of spiritual love.

Concrete Next Step: Shabbat as a Sanctuary of Deliberate Connection

Consider making this coming Shabbat a focused opportunity to embody the principles discussed. The Sabbath is a time when the Jewish people are commanded to cease from labor and dedicate themselves to spiritual reflection, family, and community. This aligns perfectly with the Tanya's emphasis on allowing the divine soul to gain ascendancy.

Here’s a concrete way to approach it:

1. Pre-Shabbat Preparation: In the days leading up to Shabbat, reflect on the internal dialogue described in the Tanya. What are the "opinions" of your different inclinations? What are the "pleasures of this world" that most tempt you? Consciously set an intention to dedicate Shabbat to strengthening your connection to the divine. This is your "appropriate [mental] preparation."
2. Shabbat Experience:
   • Candle Lighting: As you light Shabbat candles, recite the blessing with intentionality, focusing on the light as a symbol of divine illumination that strengthens your soul.
   • Kiddush & Prayer: During Kiddush (the blessing over wine) and your prayers, actively focus on generating a sense of love and awe for God. Remember the text's description of how "intense and flaming love of G–d" can subdue the sitra achara (the "other side," or evil inclination). Even if this love is fleeting, acknowledge it as a powerful moment of divine assistance.
   • Shabbat Meals: Engage in meaningful conversations with family or friends, if possible, about Jewish values, Torah, or the spiritual journey. This is your opportunity to let your "thought, speech, and act" be directed towards the commandments.
   • Reflection: Before Shabbat concludes, take a few minutes to reflect on the experience. Did you feel moments of divine ascendancy? Did the "evil nature" attempt to reawaken? How did you respond? This reflection is not about judgment, but about honest self-appraisal, as the Tanya encourages.

By intentionally engaging with Shabbat, you are creating a tangible rhythm that echoes the internal work described in the Tanya. You are actively practicing the strengthening of your divine soul and allowing it to gain mastery, even if temporarily, over the challenges. This is how a commitment to Jewish life is built, practice by practice, moment by moment.

Community

The journey of discernment is rarely meant to be walked alone. The Tanya, while deeply introspective, is part of a rich tradition that thrives on shared experience and guidance.

Way to Connect: Seek a Mentor or Rabbi

As you integrate these profound ideas, connecting with someone who has walked this path or who can guide you through it is invaluable. Consider reaching out to a rabbi or a conversion mentor.

• Rabbi: A rabbi can offer halachic (Jewish legal) guidance, explain the broader context of Jewish thought, and provide a welcoming presence within a Jewish community. They can help you understand how the concepts in the Tanya are lived out in practice.
• Conversion Mentor: Many communities offer dedicated conversion mentors who are specifically trained to support individuals like you. They can provide a safe space to ask questions, share your experiences, and discuss the challenges and joys of this process.

Sharing your thoughts and questions about this text, and about your overall journey, with a trusted spiritual guide can provide clarity, encouragement, and a deeper understanding of how to translate these profound concepts into a lived Jewish experience. They can help you discern the sincerity of your aspirations and offer practical steps toward embracing the covenant.

Takeaway

The Tanya's depiction of the benoni is a candid and encouraging guide for anyone discerning a Jewish life. It reveals that spiritual growth is not about achieving a state of flawlessness, but about the sincere and persistent engagement with our inner world. Your belonging is rooted in your honest self-appraisal and your active effort to align your thoughts, speech, and actions with Jewish values, supported by divine grace. The responsibility lies in consciously choosing to cultivate your divine soul through practice, recognizing that this is an ongoing, dynamic process. By embracing this nuanced understanding of spiritual struggle and by seeking community, you are not just exploring a new path, but actively building a life of covenantal commitment, one deliberate step at a time.