Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 13:11

It’s truly wonderful that you are exploring a Jewish path, delving into the profound wisdom our tradition offers. As you stand at the threshold of discerning a Jewish life, you're engaging with questions that have resonated with souls for millennia: What does it mean to live a life of purpose? How do I align my inner world with my deepest aspirations? How do I navigate the complexities of my own heart and mind in service of something greater?

Hook

For someone exploring conversion, understanding the path of sincere effort and internal work is paramount. This text from Tanya, a foundational work of Chabad Chassidut, offers a remarkably honest and encouraging framework for what a committed Jewish life actually feels like from the inside. It doesn't paint a picture of effortless perfection, but rather of a dynamic, ongoing spiritual engagement. As you consider embracing this covenant, the Tanya helps you see that Jewish life is not reserved for those who have eradicated all internal struggle, but for those who are willing to engage in it, knowing they are not alone and that Divine assistance is always present. This isn't about becoming a "perfect" Jew overnight, but about committing to a process of growth and truth, a path open to every single soul. It’s about building a spiritual home where every sincere effort, every moment of conscious choice, truly matters.

Context

What is Tanya?

The Tanya, authored by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, the first Lubavitcher Rebbe, is a profound work of Chassidic philosophy often called "the Written Torah of Chassidut." Its purpose is to guide individuals in understanding their inner spiritual landscape, particularly the interplay between the animal soul (nefesh habahamit) and the Divine soul (nefesh Elokit). It offers a practical path to cultivating a deeper relationship with G-d, not through abstract mysticism, but through self-awareness and dedicated action.

Understanding the "Benoni"

Our text focuses on the benoni, the "intermediate person." In Tanya, this is a distinct spiritual category, not simply someone "in the middle" of good and evil. A true benoni is someone whose actions, speech, and even thoughts are always in alignment with G-d's will (they never actually transgress a mitzvah or think a forbidden thought). However, internally, the benoni constantly experiences a struggle between the desires of their animal soul and the aspirations of their Divine soul. The benoni is therefore an ideal that is attainable for every person, emphasizing constant effort and vigilance over innate purity.

Relevance to Conversion (Gerut)

Your journey of gerut is a profound spiritual transformation, culminating in the acceptance by a Beit Din (rabbinic court) and immersion in a mikveh (ritual bath). These acts symbolize a spiritual rebirth and your formal entry into the Jewish covenant. The Tanya’s teachings on the benoni provide crucial insight for this journey, both before and after the mikveh. It prepares you for the reality that becoming Jewish is not a "magic switch" that eliminates all internal challenges. Instead, it equips you with a framework to understand these challenges as opportunities for growth, knowing that the commitment you make at the mikveh is a powerful act of embracing this lifelong, dynamic partnership with G-d, where sincere effort and Divine help are intertwined.

Text Snapshot

The Tanya describes the benoni's inner world: "Similarly, the evil nature states its opinion in the left part of the heart, which thence ascends to the brain for contemplation. Immediately it is challenged by the second judge, the divine soul in the brain extending into the right part of the heart, the abode of the good nature. The final verdict comes from the arbitrator—the Holy One, blessed is He, who comes to the aid of the good nature, as our Sages said, ‘If the Holy One, blessed is He, did not help him, he could not overcome his evil inclination.’"

Close Reading

The Tanya offers a profoundly candid and empowering perspective on what it means to live a Jewish life, particularly for someone embarking on the journey of conversion. It centers on the concept of the benoni, the "intermediate person," not as a state of mediocrity, but as an active, dynamic path of striving and divine partnership. This text peels back the layers of the human soul, revealing the inner spiritual battlefield and, crucially, the ever-present assistance that enables victory.

Insight 1: The Ongoing Struggle and Divine Partnership in Belonging

The text immediately introduces us to the inner world of the benoni as a place of constant arbitration. It describes the "evil nature" (the yetzer hara, or animal soul) as a "magistrate or judge who gives his opinion on a point of law" from the "left part of the heart." This is where our desires for worldly pleasures, our self-centered urges, and our natural inclinations reside. But this is not the sole voice. "Immediately it is challenged by the second judge, the divine soul in the brain extending into the right part of the heart, the abode of the good nature." Here we see the yetzer hatov, the Divine soul, which is rooted in intellect and seeks connection to G-d.

This imagery of two "judges" is incredibly vital for understanding what "belonging" in Jewish life truly means. It tells us that belonging is not about reaching a state where you no longer hear the "evil nature's" arguments. It’s about acknowledging its presence, understanding its voice, and then actively engaging the "second judge," your Divine soul. This internal dialogue is a fundamental aspect of human existence, and Jewish life, far from denying it, provides the tools and framework to navigate it productively. For someone exploring conversion, this is a profound reassurance: you are not expected to instantly shed your past inclinations or become a person devoid of struggle. Rather, you are invited into a tradition that understands and provides a path within that struggle.

The crucial turning point, however, is the "arbitrator—the Holy One, blessed is He, who comes to the aid of the good nature." The text quotes the Sages: "If the Holy One, blessed is He, did not help him, he could not overcome his evil inclination." This is a cornerstone of Jewish spiritual understanding. It means that while our effort (hishtadlut) is absolutely essential—we must bring our Divine soul to challenge the animal soul—the ultimate victory is not solely a result of our strength. It is a partnership. G-d is actively involved, providing "the glow radiated by the Divine light, which illuminates the divine soul, that it may gain the upper hand and mastery."

This concept profoundly shapes our understanding of belonging. It means that to belong to the Jewish people, to enter into this covenant, is to enter into a partnership with G-d that is both demanding and infinitely supportive. You are not joining a club of perfect people; you are joining a people committed to a process of growth, relying on G-d's constant, loving assistance. This Divine partnership is what makes the demanding nature of Jewish commitment (the mitzvot) not only possible but deeply meaningful. It transforms the internal struggle from a source of shame or despair into an opportunity for G-d’s light to shine through your efforts. This is a belonging rooted in sincerity of effort and trust in G-d's unfailing help, a covenantal promise that your earnest striving will always be met with Divine grace.

Insight 2: Sincere Practice and the Cultivation of Internal Truth

The Tanya continues by clarifying the nature of the benoni's struggle. The evil nature "is in its innate strength, craving after all the pleasures of this world, not having been nullified in its minuteness in relation to the good." This is a radical statement: the benoni is not someone who has weakened their animal soul. Its essence remains "in its full strength and might." What distinguishes the benoni is that this evil nature "has no authority and power to diffuse itself throughout the limbs of the body." In other words, the benoni's actions are always aligned with G-d's will, even if the internal cravings persist.

This leads to a practical and profound instruction for self-perception: "Even if the whole world tells you that you are righteous, in your own eyes regard yourself as if you were wicked"—not as actually wicked. This is not an invitation to self-condemnation, but rather a powerful tool for cultivating humility, constant self-awareness, and relentless spiritual growth. For someone exploring conversion, this teaches a fundamental "responsibility" within Jewish life: the responsibility to never become complacent, to always strive for greater connection, and to recognize that the inner work is never truly "finished." It prevents spiritual arrogance and fosters a deep appreciation for every conscious choice to do good.

The text further elaborates on "sincere practice" by explaining how the Divine soul achieves its "dominion over the [entire] 'small city,' i.e., all the parts of the body, making them a garment and vehicle for her three garments, wherein to be clothed, to wit, the thought, speech, and act of the 613 commandments of the Torah." This is the essence of Jewish practice: taking the intellectual and emotional understanding of G-d's will (the Divine soul's domain) and translating it into concrete "garments"—our thoughts, words, and deeds—which are the mitzvot. Even if the animal soul still "craves," the Divine soul ensures that our external expressions are holy. This is the ultimate "practice" for a benoni: consistent, diligent observance of mitzvot, regardless of internal feelings.

The nature of love for G-d in the benoni is also explored. It is not an ever-burning flame, but "manifests itself in his heart on propitious occasions, such as during prayer and the like." It is a love that must be "reawaken[ed] constantly, during its preponderance in time of prayer day after day, by means of an appropriate [mental] preparation." This is a deeply honest and relatable portrayal. It means that "sincere practice" is about creating the conditions for that love to emerge, to be rekindled through intentional engagement with prayer, study, and mitzvot. It is a sustained commitment to seeking G-d, even when the passion isn't spontaneously overwhelming.

Finally, the text connects this to "truth," stating "truth is the attribute of Jacob, who is called the 'middle bolt which secures [everything] from end to end.'" Jacob, representing the "middle" path, embodies the truth of the benoni's journey. The truth of the benoni is not the truth of the tzaddik (the perfectly righteous person whose evil inclination is nullified), but it is a "truly perfect service in terms of their [level of] truth." This insight is incredibly liberating. It means that your sincere efforts, your honest struggle, your diligent practice—even if imperfectly felt—are truthful and valid on your level. Your commitment to the path, your willingness to engage in the internal arbitration, and your consistent practice of mitzvot are precisely what constitute "truth" in your service of G-d. This provides a profound foundation for your journey of conversion, emphasizing that authenticity and consistent effort, rather than an impossible ideal of internal purity, are the hallmarks of a committed Jewish life.

Lived Rhythm

As you explore conversion, the concepts from Tanya about the benoni and the dynamic interplay of our souls can feel profound and perhaps abstract. How do we bring this wisdom into our daily lives? One incredibly concrete and accessible next step is to cultivate the practice of Brachot (Blessings).

Embracing Brachot: Reawakening the Divine Soul

The Tanya speaks of the Divine soul extending into the right part of the heart, the abode of the good nature, and how G-d helps this good nature gain the upper hand. It also mentions that the benoni's love for G-d manifests "on propitious occasions, such as during prayer and the like," and must be reawakened constantly through "appropriate [mental] preparation." Brachot are precisely these "propitious occasions" – short, powerful moments of conscious connection that can reawaken your Divine soul and bring its influence into your everyday actions.

Think of a bracha not just as a prayer, but as a moment of mindful pause. It's an opportunity to acknowledge G-d's presence in the seemingly mundane. When you say a bracha, you are literally clothing your thought, speech, and act in one of the "garments" of the mitzvot, asserting the dominion of your Divine soul over the "small city" of your body and its desires. This is the essence of the benoni in action: choosing to elevate a moment, even if your animal soul might simply want to grab the food or rush to the next task.

A Concrete Practice: Daily Blessings

To begin, choose one or two simple, daily brachot and commit to saying them with intention:

1. Modeh Ani (Upon Waking): This is one of the very first blessings taught, recited immediately upon waking, even before washing hands.

   • "מודה אני לפניך מלך חי וקיים, שהחזרת בי נשמתי בחמלה, רבה אמונתך."
   • "I gratefully thank You, living and eternal King, for You have returned my soul within me with compassion; abundant is Your faithfulness."
   • How to practice: Before even getting out of bed, take a moment. Don't rush. Reflect on the miracle of simply waking up, of your soul being returned. Acknowledge G-d as the "living and eternal King." This sets a tone of gratitude and Divine awareness for the entire day, a proactive "reawakening" of your love for G-d, even before the day's struggles begin. It’s an immediate assertion of the Divine soul's presence.

2. Bracha Acharona (After Using the Restroom): Asher Yatzar: This blessing is recited after using the restroom.

   • "ברוך אתה ה' אלקינו מלך העולם, אשר יצר את האדם בחכמה וברא בו נקבים נקבים חלולים חלולים. גלוי וידוע לפני כסא כבודך שאם יפתח אחד מהם או יסתם אחד מהם אי אפשר להתקיים אפילו שעה אחת. ברוך אתה ה' רופא כל בשר ומפליא לעשות."
   • "Blessed are You, L-rd our G-d, King of the universe, who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many cavities. It is revealed and known before Your Throne of Glory that if one of them were to be ruptured, or one of them blocked, it would be impossible to survive even for one hour. Blessed are You, L-rd, Healer of all flesh and Doer of wonders."
   • How to practice: This bracha transforms a very private, physical act into a moment of profound spiritual reflection. Pause after washing your hands. Consider the incredible, intricate wisdom of the human body, the miracle of its functioning. This blessing helps you see Divine wisdom in the most humble aspects of existence. It’s a powerful antidote to any "folly of the fool and evil nature" that might seek to disconnect you from the sacredness of your own being, linking your physical existence directly to G-d's wondrous creation.

By consciously engaging with these brachot, you are actively training your Divine soul to "gain the upper hand" in small, consistent ways throughout your day. You are creating moments where the "Divine light" can illuminate your consciousness, shifting your focus from purely mundane concerns to an awareness of G-d's presence. This is not about achieving an ecstatic state, but about building a steady, reliable rhythm of connection, a sincere practice that makes your Jewish journey deeply personal and integrated into every aspect of your life.

Community

The path of exploring conversion, and indeed the entire journey of Jewish life as described by the benoni, is deeply personal but not solitary. The internal work of balancing the animal and Divine souls, and drawing upon G-d's assistance, is profoundly supported and enriched by community. As the Tanya speaks of the "arbitrator" and the need for "help," in our human experience, this often translates into the guidance and companionship found within a Jewish community.

Connecting with a Rabbi and/or a Study Group

One of the most impactful ways to integrate into Jewish life and sustain your spiritual growth is to actively connect with a Rabbi and/or join a Study Group.

The Rabbi as Guide and Mentor

Think of a Rabbi as a living guide for your journey. Just as the Holy One, blessed is He, acts as the ultimate "arbitrator" in our souls, a Rabbi can serve as a human arbitrator, helping you navigate the complexities of Jewish law (Halacha), tradition, and personal spiritual questions.

• Personalized Guidance: A Rabbi can provide tailored advice for your specific questions and challenges. The benoni's struggle is unique to each individual, and a Rabbi offers a compassionate and knowledgeable ear, helping you understand how the Tanya's teachings apply to your own experiences. They can guide you through the halachic requirements of conversion and help you prepare for the Beit Din.
• Spiritual Mentorship: Beyond halacha, a Rabbi can be a spiritual mentor, offering encouragement when the internal struggle feels overwhelming, and celebrating your moments of triumph. They embody the wisdom of the tradition, helping you connect the abstract concepts of the Divine soul and evil inclination to practical living. This relationship is crucial for building the foundations of a committed Jewish life, offering a consistent source of support and wisdom as you deepen your understanding and practice.

The Study Group as a Source of Shared Truth

Joining a study group, particularly one focusing on texts like the Tanya or other foundational Jewish works, offers a different, yet equally vital, form of communal support.

• Shared Exploration: The Tanya mentions "truth is the attribute of Jacob, who is called the 'middle bolt which secures [everything] from end to end.'" A study group embodies this communal search for truth. Learning with others allows you to hear different perspectives, clarify your own understanding, and realize you are not alone in your questions or your internal struggles. This shared intellectual and spiritual pursuit deepens your connection to the "garments" of Torah thought.
• Sense of Belonging: Beyond the intellectual, a study group fosters a sense of belonging. As you delve into texts that speak to the core of Jewish identity and purpose, doing so with others creates bonds of camaraderie and shared commitment. It's a tangible way to participate in the collective journey of the Jewish people, building friendships and finding role models who are also striving on their own paths as benonim. It allows you to see how others embody the "sincere practice" and "cultivation of internal truth" discussed in the Tanya, reinforcing your own resolve.

Actively seeking out these connections is not just about fulfilling an external requirement; it is about building the infrastructure for a rich, supported, and enduring Jewish life. It's about recognizing that while your conversion journey is deeply personal, it is also a step into a vibrant, living community that will accompany you, learn with you, and help you, just as G-d helps the benoni, along your path.

Takeaway

Your journey of exploring conversion is a beautiful, courageous step towards a life of profound meaning. The Tanya's insights into the benoni offer a vital truth: Jewish life is not about achieving an unattainable state of effortless perfection, but about embracing an honest, ongoing spiritual struggle, knowing that your sincere efforts are met with Divine assistance. It's a path of consistent practice, humble self-awareness, and unwavering commitment to bringing your thoughts, words, and deeds into alignment with G-d's will. This journey is one of profound belonging, responsibility, and the cultivation of an internal truth that is uniquely yours, yet deeply connected to the eternal covenant of the Jewish people.