Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 13:11

Hook

That feeling of being perpetually stuck in the middle, neither here nor there, good enough but not great enough? Yeah, we've all been there. The common take might be that this "intermediate" state, the benoni in Hebrew, is just a holding pattern, a sort of spiritual purgatory. But what if that's not the whole story? What if this seemingly mundane middle ground is actually the most dynamic, the most relatable, and dare I say, the most powerful place to be? Let's peel back the layers on this ancient concept and see what fresh insights it holds for our very modern lives.

Context

The idea of the benoni, or the "intermediate person," is often misunderstood. It's not about being mediocre; it's about a specific internal dynamic that’s surprisingly relevant to how we navigate our daily struggles.

The "Rule-Heavy" Misconception: You're Either Good or Bad

Many assume that spiritual or moral growth is a simple binary: you're either on the path of righteousness or you've fallen by the wayside. This can lead to discouragement if we don't feel like we're achieving some idealized state of perfection.

Demystifying the Benoni: The Two Judges Within

The Tanya text offers a more nuanced view, likening the internal struggle of the benoni to a courtroom drama within your own heart.

• The Two Impulses: Imagine you have two internal "judges." One represents your "evil inclination" (the yetzer hara), which craves immediate gratification and earthly pleasures. The other is your "divine soul" (the yetzer hatov), which yearns for connection to something higher, for meaning and purpose.
• A Contested Verdict: These two judges don't always agree. The evil inclination might present its case, arguing for a certain desire or action. But before that verdict is "implemented," the divine soul steps in, offering a counter-argument. It's a constant debate, a push and pull.
• Divine Intervention: Crucially, you're not left to referee this yourself. The text emphasizes that the Holy One, blessed be He, intervenes, "standing at the right of the destitute to deliver him." This divine assistance illuminates your divine soul, empowering it to gain the upper hand.

Text Snapshot

"Note that they did not say 'ruled' by both, G–d forbid, because where the evil nature gains any control and dominion over the 'small city,' even though but temporarily, one is at such times deemed 'wicked.' The evil nature [in the benoni], however, is no more than, for example, a magistrate or judge who gives his opinion on a point of law, yet it is not necessarily a final decision to be implemented in deed, for there is another magistrate or judge who is contesting this opinion."

New Angle

So, what does this ancient concept of the benoni—this "intermediate person"—have to say to us, the grown-ups navigating the complexities of modern life? It’s not just about religious observance; it’s about the universal human experience of internal conflict and the potential for profound growth, even when we don't feel like saints.

Insight 1: The Power of the "Not-Yet" in the Workplace

Think about your career. We often feel immense pressure to be the finished product, the expert, the visionary. We see colleagues who seem to have it all figured out, and we compare our own messy, in-progress reality to their polished exterior. The benoni perspective offers a radical reframing.

• The "Intermediate" Professional: You are likely, at any given moment, a benoni in your professional development. Your "evil inclination" might whisper, "Just coast. Don't take on that challenging project. It’s easier to stick to what you know. Why rock the boat?" This is the judge arguing for comfort and predictability.
• The "Divine Soul" of Growth: Your "divine soul," however, nudges you towards learning, towards innovation, towards pushing your boundaries. It's the voice that says, "What if you tried a different approach? What if you asked for that mentorship? What if you embraced that uncomfortable learning curve?" This is the judge advocating for growth and fulfillment.
• The "Courtroom" of Collaboration and Innovation: In a team setting, this internal dynamic plays out externally. When a new idea is proposed, there's the initial resistance (the yetzer hara's argument: "This is too risky," "It won't work," "We tried something similar before"). But then, the collaborative spirit, the shared desire to improve, the "divine soul" of the group steps in. It asks, "How can we make this work? What are the possibilities? What can we learn from this experiment, even if it doesn't pan out perfectly?" The benoni model suggests that true progress in any field, especially in innovation and problem-solving, comes from this ongoing negotiation, this willingness to consider competing perspectives and to be guided by a higher aspiration, not just immediate comfort. It's about recognizing that the most groundbreaking work often emerges from a place of "not-yet," from the messy middle where ideas are tested and refined. This matters because it frees us from the paralysis of perfectionism and allows us to see the inherent value in the iterative process of creation and problem-solving, both individually and collectively. It shifts the focus from having all the answers to asking the right questions and being open to the unfolding journey.

Insight 2: Navigating Family Life with "Tolerated" Imperfection

Family life is a constant negotiation, a beautiful, chaotic dance. We often carry around an idealized vision of what a "good" parent, partner, or family member "should" be, and when our reality falls short, we can feel like we're failing. The benoni concept offers a powerful antidote to this self-judgment.

• The "Benoni" Parent: Your "evil inclination" might urge you to give in to your child's demands for immediate pleasure, to avoid difficult conversations, or to prioritize your own exhaustion over engaging deeply. It's the voice that says, "Just give them the screen time, it’s easier. Don't confront that behavior, it will lead to a tantrum. I'm too tired to deal with this right now." This is the judge advocating for ease and avoidance.
• The "Divine Soul" of Connection and Nurturing: Your "divine soul" is the one that yearns for genuine connection, for teaching valuable lessons, for fostering resilience in your children, for building a strong family unit. It's the voice that whispers, "This is an opportunity to teach them about boundaries. This is a moment to connect and listen. This is worth the effort." This is the judge advocating for intentionality and love.
• The "Arbitration" of Shared Lives: The text's metaphor of the arbitrator becomes incredibly potent here. You are constantly arbitrating between your own needs, your children's immediate desires, and the long-term well-being of the family. This isn't about being a perfect parent who never makes a mistake. It's about being a benoni parent who acknowledges the struggle, who sometimes gives in to the "evil inclination" (because, let's be honest, sometimes we just need a break!), but who also consistently strives to return to the "divine soul's" aspirations for connection and growth. The text reassures us that even when the "evil inclination" has a moment of dominance (like a temporary tantrum or a parental lapse), it doesn't define you as fundamentally "wicked." It's about the ongoing effort, the return to the fight. This matters because it allows for grace. It acknowledges that the messy, imperfect moments of family life are not failures, but rather the very crucible in which love and character are forged. It gives us permission to be human, to err, and to keep trying, knowing that the intention and the effort are what truly build a strong family foundation. It’s about the resilience of the benoni spirit, which, with divine help, can always find its way back to what truly matters.

Low-Lift Ritual

This week, let's practice the art of internal arbitration. It's about noticing those moments of internal tug-of-war and gently guiding yourself towards your higher aspirations, not with force, but with awareness.

The "Two-Minute Pause and Realign"

When: Choose one moment each day this week when you feel a clear internal conflict – you want to do something easy that you know isn't ideal, or you're struggling to motivate yourself to do something important. This could be hitting snooze, scrolling mindlessly on your phone when you have work to do, or avoiding a difficult conversation.

What to do:

1. Pause (30 seconds): Stop what you're doing. Close your eyes for a moment, or just soften your gaze. Take one deep, conscious breath.
2. Identify the Judges (30 seconds): Silently ask yourself:
   • "What is my 'evil inclination' (or the easier path) telling me right now?" (e.g., "Just rest," "Don't bother," "It's too hard.")
   • "What is my 'divine soul' (or the more meaningful path) nudging me towards?" (e.g., "This is important for my growth," "This will help someone," "This aligns with my values.")
3. Choose the Arbitrator's Whisper (1 minute): You don't have to make a grand, life-altering decision. Simply choose to lean in the direction of your "divine soul" for this one moment. It might be the smallest step. If your inclination is to scroll, maybe you decide to read one article related to your goals instead. If it's to avoid a conversation, maybe you decide to send a text to initiate it later. If it's to stay in bed, maybe you decide to just sit up. The goal isn't immediate perfection, but a conscious, gentle redirection. Acknowledge that the other voice is still there, but you're choosing to listen to the other one this time.

Why this matters: This ritual isn't about eradicating the "evil inclination"—that's not the benoni model. It's about strengthening your ability to hear and respond to your "divine soul," even in small ways. Over time, this practice builds a muscle of intentionality, making it easier to navigate life's choices with more clarity and purpose, without the pressure of needing to be a perfect saint.

Chevruta Mini

Think of these as conversation starters, either with yourself or with a friend.

Question 1: The "Wicked" Self-Perception

The Tanya says the benoni should regard themselves "as if you were wicked," but not as actually wicked. What does this paradoxical instruction teach us about the importance of humility and self-awareness in personal growth? How does this contrast with societies that often encourage projecting an image of constant success?

Question 2: The "Divine Spark" in Everyday Decisions

The text emphasizes that divine help comes "by means of the glow radiated by the Divine light, which illuminates the divine soul." How can we cultivate a greater awareness of this "glow" or inner guidance in our seemingly mundane daily decisions, especially those that feel like a battle between convenience and conviction?

Takeaway

You are not stuck in the middle; you are in the dynamic arena of becoming. The benoni isn't a state of spiritual mediocrity, but a testament to the ongoing, human struggle between our desires and our deepest aspirations. It's in this very middle ground, this constant negotiation, supported by a higher power, that true growth, meaning, and resilience are cultivated. You weren't wrong to feel that pull between different impulses; that's precisely where the work, and the magic, happens.