Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 13:6

This is a profound and honest exploration of the inner life, and it speaks directly to your journey of discerning a Jewish life. Conversion is a process of deep introspection and commitment, and understanding the internal landscape of our motivations and struggles is crucial. This passage from the Tanya, a foundational text of Chabad philosophy, offers a remarkable framework for understanding the human condition, particularly as it relates to striving for spiritual growth. It's not about achieving instant perfection, but about understanding the ongoing, dynamic nature of our inner lives.

Context

The Tanya, particularly this section from Likkutei Amarim, delves into the concept of the benoni, the "intermediate person." This is not a judgment, but a description of a profound spiritual reality that resonates deeply with anyone asking big questions about their life and purpose.

• The Inner Struggle: The text vividly portrays the internal battle between our two souls: the "animal soul" (driven by physical desires and worldly pleasures) and the "divine soul" (yearning for connection to G-d and spiritual pursuits). This isn't a battle to be won once and for all, but a continuous process of navigation.
• The Role of G-d's Help: Crucially, the Tanya emphasizes that this struggle is not undertaken alone. G-d's assistance, described as a "glow radiated by the Divine light," is what empowers the divine soul to gain the upper hand. This is a covenantal relationship where our effort is met by divine support.
• Relevance to Conversion: For someone discerning conversion, this text is invaluable. It candidly acknowledges that the path of spiritual growth is rarely linear. It validates the feelings of internal conflict and the sometimes overwhelming nature of desires that pull us away from our aspirations. Understanding the benoni model can help set realistic expectations and foster patience with oneself, knowing that striving and effort, even with internal challenges, are central to the process. The eventual commitment to a beit din and immersion in a mikveh are outward manifestations of an inner commitment that this text helps to illuminate.

Text Snapshot

"Note that they did not say 'ruled' by both, G–d forbid, because where the evil nature gains any control and dominion over the 'small city,' even though but temporarily, one is at such times deemed 'wicked.' The evil nature [in the benoni], however, is no more than, for example, a magistrate or judge who gives his opinion on a point of law, yet it is not necessarily a final decision to be implemented in deed, for there is another magistrate or judge who is contesting this opinion. It is, therefore, necessary to arbitrate between the two, and the final verdict rests with the arbitrator. Similarly, the evil nature states its opinion in the left part of the heart, which thence ascends to the brain for contemplation. Immediately it is challenged by the second judge, the divine soul in the brain extending into the right part of the heart, the abode of the good nature. The final verdict comes from the arbitrator—the Holy One, blessed is He, who comes to the aid of the good nature..."

Close Reading

This passage from Tanya offers a profound insight into the nature of our inner lives and the journey of spiritual development, particularly relevant for someone exploring a path towards Jewish life. It moves beyond simple notions of "good" and "evil" to present a nuanced model of the human psyche that acknowledges struggle and emphasizes G-d's active involvement in our lives.

Insight 1: The Dynamic of Belonging and Responsibility through Internal Arbitration

The text's description of the internal struggle as a legal proceeding, with the "evil nature" and the "divine soul" acting as opposing judges, is a powerful metaphor for the experience of discerning a new spiritual path. When you are considering conversion, you are not simply adopting a set of beliefs or practices; you are engaging in a profound internal dialogue about who you are and who you aspire to become. The "evil nature" represents the ingrained habits, desires, and perspectives that might pull you away from this aspiration. It offers its "opinion" – the voice of doubt, comfort in the familiar, or the allure of immediate gratification.

However, the Tanya doesn't leave you solely to this internal debate. It introduces the "divine soul" as a counter-judge, originating in the "brain" (intellect) and extending to the "right part of the heart" (the seat of good nature). This is where the yearning for something more, the pull towards holiness, and the desire for a deeper connection to G-d reside. This divine soul, when challenged by the animal soul's arguments, ascends to the brain for contemplation. This act of contemplation is precisely what you are doing now – actively engaging with ideas, questioning, and seeking understanding.

The responsibility here lies in actively participating in this arbitration. It's about consciously bringing the arguments of your divine soul into your thought process. The text states, "Immediately it is challenged by the second judge, the divine soul in the brain extending into the right part of the heart." This implies an active process, not a passive one. Belonging to a tradition that values this inner dialogue means recognizing that your thoughts, your questions, and your wrestling are not distractions, but integral parts of the process. You are responsible for bringing these two "judges" into conversation, for allowing the divine soul's perspective to be heard and considered. This internal arbitration is the very foundation upon which your commitment will be built, and it is where you begin to truly embody the responsibilities that come with seeking a covenantal life. The text doesn't promise an easy victory for the divine soul, but it highlights the necessity of the struggle and the divine assistance that is available.

Insight 2: The Covenantal Partnership in Practice and the Humble Acknowledgment of Self

The passage powerfully illustrates the covenantal nature of the spiritual journey, emphasizing both human responsibility and divine partnership. The core of this covenant is revealed in the statement: "The final verdict comes from the arbitrator—the Holy One, blessed is He, who comes to the aid of the good nature, as our Sages said, 'If the Holy One, blessed is He, did not help him, he could not overcome his evil inclination.'" This highlights that while we are active participants in our spiritual growth, our success is ultimately dependent on G-d's grace and assistance. This is a profound source of encouragement for anyone embarking on a path that requires significant personal effort and commitment.

This understanding directly impacts how one approaches the practices of Jewish life, particularly in the context of conversion. The Tanya explains that the "evil in the [heart’s] left part of the benoni is in its innate strength, craving after all the pleasures of this world." This craving doesn't simply disappear with intellectual understanding or even with initial good intentions. It remains a potent force, and the divine soul's victory is not absolute but often temporary, as illustrated by the analogy of a sleeping man who can awaken. This is why the text warns against the temptation to see oneself as a tzaddik (righteous person) who has eradicated evil. Instead, it encourages the humble self-assessment of a benoni, seeing the potential for struggle even amidst dedication to Torah study.

This humility is crucial for embracing the practices associated with Jewish life. When you learn about mitzvot (commandments), prayer, or the observance of Shabbat, you are not expected to perform them perfectly from the outset. The Tanya's model of the benoni suggests that the striving, the effort, and the intention are paramount. The "final verdict" resting with G-d means that your sincere efforts, even when accompanied by internal challenges, are recognized and supported. The responsibility lies in showing up for these practices, in engaging with them with an awareness of your inner landscape, and in trusting that G-d's help will be there to empower you. The text advises, "Even if the whole world tells you that you are righteous, in your own eyes regard yourself as if you were wicked—not as actually wicked." This is not about self-deprecation, but about maintaining a posture of humility and continuous striving, recognizing that the journey of spiritual growth is lifelong and requires constant engagement with G-d's partnership. This understanding allows for a more authentic and sustainable embrace of Jewish practice, free from the pressure of immediate perfection.

Lived Rhythm

The Tanya's emphasis on the ongoing arbitration within the "small city" of your heart and mind, with G-d as the ultimate arbitrator, offers a practical framework for your daily life. Given this, a concrete next step you can take is to intentionally integrate moments of awareness and intentionality into your day, particularly around prayer or moments of reflection.

Shabbat as a Sanctuary of Deliberation

Consider making Shabbat a focal point for this internal arbitration. While Shabbat is a time for rest and joy, it also provides a more ample space for contemplation and the conscious engagement of your divine soul. As you prepare for Shabbat, and throughout the day, you can consciously bring to mind the teachings from this passage. When you find yourself drawn to distractions or experiencing internal conflict, pause and reflect on the idea of the two "judges" and the "arbitrator." Ask yourself: "What is my divine soul urging me towards in this moment? How can I invite G-d's assistance to help me align with that?"

Incorporating Brachot with Intent

Beyond Shabbat, you can infuse your daily brachot (blessings) with this understanding. When you recite a blessing over food, for example, you are not just fulfilling an obligation; you are acknowledging G-d as the source of all sustenance and consciously directing your desires towards holiness. Think of each bracha as a moment where you are actively participating in the arbitration, choosing to align your physical experience with your spiritual aspirations.

A Learning Plan for Inner Work

To support this, consider a small, consistent learning plan focused on the concepts of the benoni and the inner struggle. Perhaps dedicate 10-15 minutes each day to re-reading sections of the Tanya, or exploring commentaries on this passage. You might also seek out teachings on Jewish ethics (mussar) that delve into the nature of the inclination and the path of spiritual discipline. The goal isn't to master these concepts overnight, but to create a rhythm of engagement that allows these ideas to permeate your understanding and inform your actions.

Community

Connecting with others who are on similar journeys or who have walked this path before can be an invaluable source of strength and guidance. The Tanya's complex ideas are best explored in conversation and with the wisdom of those who have grappled with them.

Finding a Mentor or Rabbi

The most direct way to integrate these profound concepts into your life is to seek out a mentor or rabbi who can guide you. Share this passage with them and discuss your reflections. A knowledgeable guide can help you unpack the nuances of the Tanya, offer practical applications for your discernment process, and provide encouragement as you navigate the internal and external aspects of conversion. They can also help you understand how these concepts are lived out in the context of Jewish practice and community.

Takeaway

The Tanya's exploration of the benoni reveals that the path of spiritual growth is not about achieving a static state of perfection, but about engaging in a dynamic, ongoing process of internal arbitration, where our striving is met by G-d's unwavering assistance. This understanding liberates us from the pressure of immediate flawlessness and empowers us to embrace the journey with honesty, humility, and a deep sense of covenantal partnership. Your discernment is an act of courage, and by engaging with these profound teachings, you are actively participating in the sacred work of shaping your identity and your future within the embrace of the Jewish people.