Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 13:6

Okay, deep breaths! We're diving into a foundational piece of Jewish thought today that can feel a bit… intense. But remember, our goal is always "good enough" and finding those little sparks of connection. We're not aiming for perfection, just progress and understanding. Let's bless the chaos and find our micro-wins.

Insight

The Tanya, in this passage, introduces us to the concept of the benoni, the "intermediate" person. This isn't about being mediocre; it's a profound description of the human condition for most of us. We're not purely good (a tzaddik) nor are we completely consumed by our negative impulses (a rasha). Instead, we're like a bustling "small city" with two competing forces: the divine soul, which yearns for holiness and connection to G-d, and the animal soul, which is driven by primal desires and worldly pleasures. These two souls are constantly in dialogue, like two judges presenting their arguments. The divine soul, rooted in our intellect and aspirations, presents its case for good, for Torah, for connection. The animal soul, residing in the "left part of the heart," argues for indulgence, for immediate gratification, for self-preservation.

The key insight here is that even when the animal soul is strong, even when it's craving all the delights of this world, it doesn't necessarily have dominion. The Tanya explains that G-d "stands at the right of the destitute to deliver him from the judges of his soul." This is our divine assistance, the spark of G-dliness within us that helps our divine soul, situated in the "right part of the heart," to contend with the animal soul. It's not that the animal soul disappears; it's more like a magistrate who can offer an opinion, but that opinion isn't automatically implemented. There's an arbitrator, and that arbitrator is G-d's help, which illuminates our divine soul, allowing it to gain the upper hand. This is why the Tanya encourages us to view ourselves as benoni – to acknowledge the full strength of our potential for negativity, not with guilt, but with realism. This self-awareness, this understanding that the struggle is real and ongoing, is actually a sign of spiritual maturity. It prevents us from falling into the trap of spiritual arrogance, thinking we've "arrived" as a tzaddik. Instead, we recognize that even when we're engaged in holy pursuits like Torah study or prayer, the animal soul is still present, dormant but potentially capable of reawakening. This constant, dynamic tension is what defines the benoni. It’s in recognizing this internal negotiation, this ongoing effort to allow the divine soul to lead, that we find our path toward greater connection. It's about the continuous effort to ensure our thoughts, speech, and actions are aligned with our higher aspirations, even when the "other side" is still very much present and vocal. This isn't about eradicating the animal soul, but about channeling its energy, or at least preventing it from dictating our actions. This understanding is incredibly freeing because it validates our struggles and normalizes the internal battles we all face.

Text Snapshot

"The evil nature [in the benoni], however, is no more than, for example, a magistrate or judge who gives his opinion on a point of law, yet it is not necessarily a final decision to be implemented in deed, for there is another magistrate or judge who is contesting this opinion. It is, therefore, necessary to arbitrate between the two, and the final verdict rests with the arbitrator." (Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 13:6)

Activity

Title: The "Two Voices" Reflection Jar

Goal: To help children (and parents!) identify and acknowledge the different desires and motivations within them, mirroring the benoni concept in a tangible way.

Time: 5-10 minutes

Materials: Two small, distinct containers (jars, bowls, or even colorful envelopes), slips of paper, pens or crayons.

Instructions for Parents:

1. Preparation (before the activity, or quickly with the child): Decorate or label your two containers. One could be labeled "My Happy/Helpful Voice" or "My G-dly Spark" (using a brighter color, perhaps). The other could be labeled "My Grumbly/Selfish Voice" or "My Impatient Feeling" (using a darker color or a more neutral tone). The key is to make them child-friendly and not overly judgmental.

2. Introduce the Concept: Sit with your child and explain, "You know how sometimes we feel like we want to do something good and helpful, like share our toys or clean up? And sometimes, we feel like we just want to keep it all to ourselves, or maybe we feel a little grumpy or impatient? It's like we have two different voices or feelings inside us, and they sometimes want different things."

3. Brainstorming "Voices":

   • Start with a simple scenario: "Imagine you have a really yummy cookie. What might your 'Happy/Helpful Voice' say?" (e.g., "Share half with my sibling," "Save some for later," "Offer it to Mommy/Daddy.")
   • Then ask, "What might your 'Grumbly/Selfish Voice' say?" (e.g., "Eat it all myself," "Don't want to share," "It's mine!")
   • Encourage them to think about other situations: playing with a sibling, doing homework, tidying up toys. What are the different "voices" or impulses?

4. Writing/Drawing the "Voices":

   • Give your child slips of paper. For each "voice" they identify, have them write down or draw a picture representing that feeling or desire. For instance, a drawing of sharing for the helpful voice, or a drawing of a grumpy face for the grumbly voice.
   • If they're too young to write, you can write it for them as they dictate. The act of externalizing the thought is the important part.

5. Sorting into the Jars:

   • Once they have a few slips, have them place each slip into the corresponding jar. "This feeling of wanting to share goes into our 'Happy/Helpful Voice' jar. This feeling of wanting to keep it all to myself goes into our 'Grumbly/Selfish Voice' jar."

6. The "Arbitrator" Moment:

   • Once the jars are populated, hold them up. "See? We have lots of different feelings and ideas inside us! Sometimes, the 'Grumbly Voice' might feel really loud. But remember, we also have our 'Happy/Helpful Voice' inside us. And we can choose which voice we want to listen to more. When we choose to listen to our 'Happy/Helpful Voice,' that's like G-d helping us make the best choice!"
   • You can even pick out a slip from the "Grumbly Voice" jar and say, "Okay, this feeling is here. But what can we do instead? Can we take a deep breath? Can we ask for help? Can we try to share?" This is the "arbitration."

7. Micro-Win Celebration:

   • "Wow, you did such a great job thinking about these different feelings and putting them into the jars! That's a big step in understanding ourselves."

Why this works for busy parents:

• Short and Sweet: The core activity takes under 10 minutes.
• Tangible: Children can see and interact with abstract concepts.
• No Guilt: It frames internal conflict as normal and provides tools for management, not shame.
• Empowering: It teaches children that they have agency in choosing which impulses to follow.
• Adaptable: Can be done with very young children (drawing) or older ones (writing and deeper discussion).

Script

(Setting: You're in the kitchen, and your child asks a seemingly simple but potentially loaded question after you've been talking about making good choices or dealing with frustration.)

Child: "Mom/Dad, am I good or bad?"

(Pause, take a breath. Remember the Tanya's wisdom: it's not black and white!)

You: "That's such an important question, sweetie! You know, it's like we have two different feelings or 'voices' inside us, remember? Sometimes we feel really happy and want to share or be kind, and that’s like our 'good helper' voice. We also sometimes feel grumpy, or want to keep things all to ourselves, or maybe we get frustrated – that's like our 'challenge' voice. The amazing thing is, G-d gives us the strength to choose which voice we listen to more. So, you're not just one thing! You have both, and you get to practice making good choices every day. Every time you choose to be kind, or share, or even just try your best when something is hard – that's you being wonderfully you, and making your 'good helper' voice stronger. And that's what really matters."

(Optional addition if they press): "Even grown-ups struggle with this! The most important thing is that we keep trying to choose the good, and we learn from our mistakes. You're doing a great job of learning!"

Why this script is effective:

• Acknowledges the Question: It validates the child's concern without dismissing it.
• Reframes "Good/Bad": It shifts from a binary to a spectrum of internal experiences and choices, aligning with the benoni concept.
• Uses Familiar Language: It connects to the "Two Voices" activity (or can be a standalone concept).
• Emphasizes Choice and Effort: It highlights agency and the continuous process of growth.
• Offers Divine Context Gently: "G-d gives us strength" is a subtle spiritual anchor.
• Avoids Guilt: It normalizes the struggle and praises effort.
• Time-Bound: Delivers the message clearly and concisely within 30 seconds.

Habit

Habit: The "One Minute Pause & Pivot"

Description: This week, aim to practice the "One Minute Pause & Pivot" at least once a day. When you notice yourself feeling a strong impulse (whether it's frustration, anger, impatience, or even an overwhelming desire for something), take just sixty seconds to pause. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and acknowledge the feeling without judgment. Then, ask yourself, "What's the next best step I can take, even a tiny one, that aligns with my values or G-d's will?" This isn't about solving world peace, but about consciously choosing a small, positive action or thought instead of reacting automatically. It could be taking another breath, saying a quick prayer, offering a kind word, or simply reframing your thought.

Why this micro-habit:

• Manageable: Sixty seconds is achievable even on the busiest days.
• Directly Relates to the Tanya: It's the practical application of recognizing the "two voices" and choosing which one to heed.
• Builds Self-Awareness: It encourages you to notice your internal state.
• Fosters Agency: It empowers you to make conscious choices rather than being ruled by impulses.
• Creates Micro-Wins: Each successful pause and pivot is a victory, reinforcing positive habits.

Takeaway

The Tanya teaches us that being a "benoni," an intermediate person, is the normal and even aspirational state for most of us. It's not about achieving a perfect, struggle-free existence, but about navigating the internal tug-of-war between our divine and animal souls with awareness and G-d's help. Our task isn't to eradicate our challenging impulses, but to understand them, acknowledge their presence without letting them dictate our actions, and consciously choose to strengthen our connection to G-dliness. By embracing this realistic view, we can move forward with less guilt and more grace, celebrating the small, consistent efforts we make each day to align ourselves with our higher purpose. Remember, it's in the continuous effort, the "good enough" tries, that we find our spiritual strength.