Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 6:7

Hook

We are gathered today to honor a memory, to acknowledge a presence that, though no longer physically with us, continues to shape the landscape of our lives. Perhaps this memory arrives with a familiar ache, or perhaps it surfaces with a gentle curiosity. It might be an anniversary, a birthday, or simply a quiet moment that calls us to remembrance. Today, we meet the memory of [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory], a soul whose existence, like all existence, is a testament to the intricate tapestry of creation. We come not to erase the absence, but to weave it into the ongoing narrative of meaning and connection.

Text Snapshot

"G–d has made one thing opposite the other." Ecclesiastes 7:14.

Just as the divine soul is composed of holy aspects, so too does a contrasting force exist. This “other side” manifests in the physical world, its vitality a diminished echo of the divine. When we engage with thoughts, words, or actions not aligned with holiness, they become “impure garments” for these opposing forces. All that is not directed toward G–d can be seen as vanity, a “ruination of the spirit.” Yet, even in this world of apparent separation, the light of the Divine pervades, clothed in the structured order of creation. The opposing forces are not absolute, but rather degrees of separation, with the lowest entirely devoid of good. From these arise all that is unclean, all that is forbidden, and all that leads to a sense of spiritual exile.

Kavvanah

As we engage with this ancient wisdom, our intention is to cultivate a spacious awareness, a deep listening to the echoes of existence. We recognize that life is a profound interplay of light and shadow, of presence and absence, of connection and perceived separation. The text reminds us that even in what appears “other” or distant, a thread of divine vitality is woven, albeit diminished. Our kavvanah is to approach the memory of [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory] with this understanding – not to deny the pain of their absence, but to see how their light, their presence, however transformed, continues to imbue our world with meaning. We intend to explore the duality of existence, acknowledging the challenges and the potential for elevated consciousness that arise from confronting what feels like opposition or loss. We seek to find the subtle threads of holiness that bind us, even across the veil of separation, and to understand how the memory of our loved ones, and the lessons they imparted, can guide us toward a deeper appreciation of the interconnectedness of all things. We open ourselves to the possibility that even in the most profound experiences of loss, there is a pathway toward meaning and a renewed connection to the divine essence that flows through all. This kavvanah invites us to hold the complexity of grief with gentleness, to acknowledge the struggles without succumbing to despair, and to discover the enduring strength that comes from embracing the full spectrum of human experience.

Practice

This practice is an invitation to engage with the concept of "making one thing opposite the other" in relation to the memory you are holding. It's a gentle exploration, not a demand for immediate resolution. Choose one of the following micro-practices, or adapt them to resonate with your personal experience. There is no single "right" way to do this.

Candle Lighting: Illuminating the Contrast

The lighting of a candle is a simple yet profound act, often used to mark remembrance. In the context of the Tanya’s teaching about opposites, we can use this practice to acknowledge both the light and the perceived darkness that loss can bring.

• The Practice:
  • Find a candle. It can be a memorial candle, a Shabbat candle, or any candle that feels appropriate to you.
  • As you light the candle, hold the intention of acknowledging the presence and the absence.
  • Option 1 (Focus on Light): Bring to mind the light and joy that [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory] brought into your life. What qualities did they embody that illuminated your world? Speak these qualities aloud, or simply hold them in your heart. For instance, "Their laughter was a light in my life," or "Their kindness was a beacon."
  • Option 2 (Focus on Contrast): Acknowledge the space their absence has created. This is not to dwell in sorrow, but to recognize the profound impact they had by their very presence. You might say, "The silence where their voice used to be is a reminder of their profound presence," or "The emptiness in this space speaks to the fullness they once occupied."
  • Option 3 (Embracing Duality): Light the candle and hold the image of their presence and their absence simultaneously. Reflect on how these two seemingly opposite states coexist within you. Perhaps say, "I hold both the memory of their vibrant life and the quiet of their absence, and in this space, I find a different kind of connection."
  • Allow the candle to burn for a few minutes, or as long as you feel comfortable. Observe the flame, its light, and the shadows it casts. This visual can be a metaphor for the interplay of presence and absence, of joy and sorrow, that grief often entails.

Naming the Qualities: The Echoes of Being

The Tanya speaks of the soul’s components and their counterparts. In this practice, we focus on the specific qualities of the person you remember, exploring how these qualities manifest in your life, and perhaps how their opposite qualities are also present in the world, or even within yourself.

• The Practice:
  • Take a piece of paper and a pen.
  • Write down 3-5 specific qualities or characteristics of [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory]. Think about what made them unique, what you admired, what you learned from them. For example: generosity, a sharp wit, patience, a love for nature, a strong sense of justice.
  • Now, for each quality you've written, consider its "opposite" or its contrasting aspect. This isn't about judging, but about understanding the spectrum of human experience.
    • If they were generous, what might be the opposite? Perhaps scarcity, or self-interest.
    • If they had a sharp wit, what might be its contrast? Perhaps gentleness, or quiet contemplation.
    • If they were patient, what might be the opposite? Impatience, or haste.
  • Reflect on how these opposite qualities exist in the world around you. Do you encounter them in your daily life?
  • Consider, with gentle self-awareness, if any of these opposite qualities are also present within you. This is not a confession, but an exploration of the multifaceted nature of being human. We all contain multitudes, the capacity for various traits.
  • You can choose to write down your reflections, or simply contemplate them silently. The act of naming these qualities, both the remembered ones and their potential counterparts, can bring a deeper understanding of the person and the complex world they inhabited.

Storytelling: Weaving the Threads of Connection

The Tanya highlights how thoughts, speech, and actions are the "garments" through which spiritual essence is expressed. This practice invites you to recall a story that embodies a particular quality of the person you remember, and then to consider how that story, or the essence of it, continues to live on.

• The Practice:
  • Think of a specific story or anecdote that exemplifies a core aspect of [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory]'s character. It could be a funny story, a moment of profound insight, an act of kindness, or a challenge they overcame.
  • As you recall the story, focus on the “garments” of the narrative: what they said, what they did, what they were thinking (if you know). These are the expressions of their inner essence.
  • Once you have the story in mind, consider its resonance. How did this story impact you or others? What lesson or feeling did it convey?
  • Now, think about the "opposite" of that story's core message or impact. For example, if the story was about overcoming adversity, the opposite might be succumbing to despair. If it was about selfless giving, the opposite might be profound selfishness.
  • Reflect on how the memory of the story serves as a counterpoint to these potential opposites in the world or in your own life. Your ability to recall and cherish this story is a testament to its enduring power.
  • You can choose to write the story down, to share it with someone else (see Community section), or simply to hold it in your heart. The act of retelling or revisiting the story keeps its essence alive, a vibrant thread in the tapestry of existence.

Tzedakah (Righteous Giving): Extending Their Legacy

The concept of "tzedakah" is about more than just charity; it's about righteousness and justice, about extending a force for good into the world. This practice connects the memory of the person you hold dear to an act of giving that reflects their values or spirit.

• The Practice:
  • Consider a cause, an organization, or an individual that aligns with the values or passions of [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory]. What was important to them? What did they care about? Did they have a particular concern for social justice, environmental causes, education, art, or a specific community?
  • If they had a particular love for a certain type of food, or a hobby, or a place, think about how you could honor that through giving. For example, if they loved gardening, you might donate to a community garden. If they were a passionate reader, you might donate books to a library or school.
  • The "opposite" in this context might be indifference, or the neglect of that which was important to them. Your act of tzedakah directly counters this potential void.
  • Decide on a small, tangible act of giving. This doesn't have to be a large monetary donation. It could be:
    • Making a small donation to a charity they supported.
    • Volunteering your time for a cause they believed in.
    • Performing a small act of kindness for someone else in their name.
    • Sharing a skill or resource that they would have appreciated.
  • As you perform this act of tzedakah, hold the intention that you are extending their legacy, weaving their spirit into the fabric of the world in a positive way. You are actively choosing to create goodness, to counter what might otherwise be a force of neglect or indifference.

Community

The Tanya speaks of the Shechinah resting on gatherings of ten, suggesting a communal aspect to divine presence. Even as we navigate individual journeys of grief and remembrance, we are not meant to be entirely alone. Connecting with others can offer solace, perspective, and a shared sense of meaning.

Sharing a Story or Quality

• The Practice:
  • If you chose the "Storytelling" or "Naming the Qualities" practice, consider sharing your story or a quality you identified with someone you trust. This could be a family member, a close friend, or a member of a support group.
  • How to Approach the Conversation: You might say, "I've been reflecting on [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory] lately, and a particular story came to mind. Would you be open to hearing it?" Or, "I was thinking about a quality that really defined [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory], and I'd love to share it with you and hear your thoughts."
  • Listening and Reciprocity: Be open to hearing their reflections as well. They may have a story or a memory of the person that you haven't considered. This exchange can create a beautiful reciprocal experience, where shared memories strengthen bonds and create a collective remembrance.
  • If Direct Sharing Feels Too Much: If sharing directly feels overwhelming, consider writing a short note or email to someone who also knew the person, sharing a brief memory or quality. This still creates a connection and acknowledges the shared experience of knowing and remembering.
  • Seeking Support: If you are part of a grief support group, this is an ideal opportunity to share your practice or a reflection. The community there is attuned to the nuances of loss and remembrance, and your contribution can be met with understanding and empathy.
  • The act of sharing, even a small piece, can transform the solitary experience of memory into a shared connection, demonstrating that the impact of a life extends beyond individual recollection and can be amplified through community.

Takeaway

The wisdom from Tanya, Part I, Likkutei Amarim 6:7, invites us to see the world as a place of intricate balance, where even perceived opposites are part of a larger, divinely orchestrated reality. As we hold the memory of [Name of Deceased or Specific Memory], we can find a gentle pathway through grief by acknowledging the spectrum of existence. The light of their presence and the quiet of their absence are not mutually exclusive; they are interwoven threads in the fabric of our lives. By engaging with practices that illuminate contrast, name qualities, share stories, and extend legacy through acts of giving, we honor the enduring impact of a life. We learn that even in loss, there is an opportunity for deeper connection, for a more profound understanding of ourselves and the world, and for the quiet realization that the essence of those we love continues to resonate, a testament to the multifaceted beauty of creation.