Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 7:6

Hook

We gather today with a tender heart, drawn by the gentle currents of memory and meaning. This is a space held for reflection, for the quiet unfolding of what has been and what endures. Perhaps you are marking an anniversary, a birthday, a yahrzeit, or simply a day when the presence of someone dear feels especially close. It might be a moment of profound gratitude for a life lived, or a gentle acknowledgment of the space left behind. Whatever the particular nuance of your remembrance, this moment is for you, a sanctuary of intention and connection.

The passage we hold today from Tanya, Likkutei Amarim, Part I, Chapter 7:6, delves into profound spiritual concepts about the nature of vitality, the entanglement of the material and the spiritual, and the potential for elevation through intention and repentance. While the language might seem abstract, at its core, it speaks to our human experience of navigating the complexities of life, of intention, and of the enduring spark within us and within all of creation. This text, in its exploration of how even seemingly mundane aspects of existence can be elevated or degraded based on intention, offers a framework for understanding how our own intentions can shape our relationship with memory, loss, and the legacy we carry forward.

In the context of grief and remembrance, this passage invites us to consider the "vitalizing energy" not just of people, but of moments, of shared experiences, of the very essence of those we hold dear. It suggests that just as the material world can be a vehicle for spiritual ascent, so too can our memories, when approached with intention and reverence, become conduits for meaning and connection. The "intermediate category" of kelipat nogah speaks to the nuanced nature of our inner lives and our outward actions, where good and less-than-good coexist. This resonates deeply with the often-conflicting emotions that arise in grief – the love and the longing, the gratitude and the pain, the acceptance and the resistance.

This teaching, from a tradition that places immense value on the interconnectedness of all things, offers a perspective that can bring solace and a sense of purpose to our rituals of remembrance. It reminds us that even in moments of profound sorrow, there is an underlying vitality, a divine spark, that can be acknowledged and, through our conscious intention, be brought closer to holiness. The text's emphasis on kavanah, or intention, is particularly powerful. It suggests that how we approach our memories, how we engage with the stories and the feelings, can transform their nature and their impact on us.

Consider, for a moment, the vast tapestry of existence that Rabbi Schneur Zalman describes. From the animal soul in humans, to the vitality of clean animals, to the entire inanimate and vegetable world, and even to mundane acts, utterances, and thoughts – all are imbued with a force, a life-giving energy. The text posits that this energy is drawn from different levels of kelipot (shells or husks), which represent forces that obscure or contain the divine light. The kelipat nogah is described as an intermediate category, containing both good and bad, and crucially, capable of being elevated to holiness.

This is where the profound relevance for grief and remembrance lies. Our loved ones, too, were complex beings, comprised of every facet of human experience. They were not perfect, nor were their lives always lived with pure intention. Yet, the core of their being, the spark of divine vitality within them, is what we most cherish and remember. This passage offers a lens through which we can view the entirety of their lives, acknowledging all their dimensions, while still focusing on the potential for elevation, for bringing their essence closer to the divine, and for allowing their memory to inspire us towards holiness.

The concept of "permissibility" (muttar) is also striking. It speaks to that which is not irrevocably bound by negative forces, that which retains the potential to be released and to ascend. In our grief, we might feel bound by the pain, by the finality of loss. Yet, this passage suggests that the vitality, the essence of our loved ones, and indeed, the positive aspects of our shared experiences, are not permanently bound. They hold within them the potential for ascent, for transformation, through our conscious engagement.

The idea that even wasted vitality, through true repentance and intense kavanah, can ascend, is a powerful metaphor for our own journey through grief. It suggests that even the moments we might regret, the things left unsaid, the missed opportunities – these too, when met with sincere intention and a deep yearning for connection, can be transmuted. The ritual we undertake today is an act of such kavanah, a deliberate turning towards the memory, a conscious effort to elevate and to find meaning.

The Tanya’s intricate cosmology, with its layers of spiritual reality, can feel vast and sometimes distant. However, its fundamental message is one of hope and agency. It teaches that within the fabric of existence, even within the seemingly mundane and the imperfect, lies the potential for profound transformation and connection to the Divine. This is a message that can resonate deeply when we are navigating the often-challenging terrain of loss. It offers not a denial of pain, but a profound affirmation of the enduring light that can be found and cultivated, even in the shadow of absence.

The passage's exploration of kelipat nogah as an intermediate category, capable of being absorbed into the three completely unclean kelipot or elevated to holiness, is particularly resonant when considering the multifaceted nature of our memories and the people we loved. It acknowledges that our loved ones, like all human beings, had their complexities, their struggles, their moments of less-than-ideal intention. Yet, the teaching emphasizes the possibility of extracting the good, of allowing that good to prevail and ascend. This is a profound invitation to approach our memories with discerning love, focusing on the light that shone brightly, while acknowledging the full spectrum of their humanity.

The example of eating kosher meat and drinking wine to broaden one's mind for the service of G-d illustrates this beautifully. The physical act, the sustenance, is drawn from the material world, from kelipat nogah. However, when infused with the intention to serve G-d, to deepen one's spiritual understanding, this vitality is distilled and ascends. This metaphor can be applied to our remembrance: the memories themselves, even those tinged with sadness or regret, can be transformed into opportunities for spiritual growth, for deepening our connection to G-d and to the enduring essence of love.

The text also addresses the concept of "permissibility" (muttar), which signifies that which is not irrevocably tied to the forces that prevent its return to G-d. This offers a hopeful perspective on our grief. Even though we may feel bound by the pain of loss, the essence of our loved ones, the love they shared, and the positive impact they had, are not permanently bound. They hold within them the potential for release and ascent. Our rituals of remembrance are acts of facilitating this release, of consciously choosing to focus on and elevate the sacred essence of their lives.

The detailed explanation of wasteful emission of semen and its potential for ascent through repentance and kavanah during the Shema recitation, while seemingly specific, underscores a broader principle: that even acts or aspects that seem deeply flawed can be transmuted through profound intention and a return to the Divine. This radical notion of repentance, where sins are transformed into merits through "repentance out of love," speaks to the immense power of the human spirit to seek and to find redemption. In our grief, we may grapple with regrets about our relationships, about things we wish we had done differently. This teaching offers a message of profound possibility: that through sincere intention and a deep yearning for connection, even these regrets can be transmuted into something sacred.

The Tanya's exploration of the spiritual mechanics of the universe, while complex, ultimately points to a profound interconnectedness and the potential for holiness to permeate all aspects of existence. For those of us navigating grief, this provides a rich tapestry upon which to weave our remembrance. It encourages us to see beyond the immediate pain and to recognize the enduring spiritual vitality that connects us to those we have lost, and to the Divine. The ritual we engage in today is a testament to this understanding, a conscious act of drawing forth that vitality and allowing it to illuminate our lives.

Text Snapshot

From Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim 7:6:

"On the other hand, the vitalizing animal soul in the Jew, that which is derived from the aspect of the kelipah, which is clothed in the human blood... all these acts, utterances, and thoughts are no better than the vitalizing animal soul itself; and everything in this totality of things flows and is drawn from the second gradation [to be found] in the kelipot and sitra achara, namely, a fourth kelipah, called kelipat nogah."

"In this world, called the 'World of Asiyah (Action),' most, indeed almost all, of it [the kelipat nogah] is bad, and only a little good has been intermingled within it... This [kelipat nogah] is an intermediate category between the three completely unclean kelipot and the category and order of holiness. Hence it is sometimes absorbed within the three unclean kelipot... and sometimes it is absorbed and elevated to the category and level of holiness, as when the good that is intermingled in it is extracted from the bad, and prevails and ascends until it is absorbed in holiness."

"So, too, when a man utters a pleasantry in order to sharpen his wit and rejoice his heart in G–d, in His Torah and service... On the other hand, he who belongs to those who gluttonously guzzle meat and quaff wine in order to satisfy their bodily appetites and animal nature... In such a case the energy of the meat and wine consumed by him is degraded and absorbed temporarily in the utter evil of the three unclean kelipot..."

"This is implied in the terms 'permissibility' and 'permitted' (muttar)... that is to say, that which is not tied and bound by the power of the 'extraneous forces' preventing it from returning and ascending to G–d."

Kavvanah

A Guided Meditation on Intention and Remembrance

As we sit with this profound teaching from Tanya, let us create a sacred space within ourselves, a sanctuary where memory and meaning can gently intertwine. Let us breathe deeply, allowing the exhale to release the busyness of the world outside, and the inhale to draw in the quiet presence of this moment.

The Vital Spark Within and Without:

Begin by bringing to mind the person you are remembering today. Not as a perfect ideal, but as a whole, complex, beloved being. Notice the vitalizing energy that flowed through them, the spark of life that animated their actions, their words, their very presence. The Tanya speaks of this as the "vitalizing animal soul," derived from the aspect of the kelipah, yet also containing the divine spark. Allow yourself to acknowledge the full humanity of the person you are remembering. See them with all their strengths and all their struggles, their moments of clarity and their moments of confusion. This is not about judgment, but about profound acceptance and love for the entirety of their being. Feel that vitalizing energy, the life force that was uniquely theirs, and that continues to resonate in the world through their legacy.

Navigating the Kelipat Nogah of Memory:

Now, consider the nature of your memories. The Tanya describes kelipat nogah as an intermediate category, containing both good and bad, with the potential to be elevated or degraded. Our memories are much the same. Some are luminous, filled with joy, laughter, and profound connection. Others might carry the weight of regret, of unfinished conversations, of moments where things were not ideal.

Bring to mind a memory that feels complex, perhaps one that holds both sweetness and a touch of sorrow or complication. It might be a memory of a shared challenge, a moment of disagreement, or even a time when you felt misunderstood. Allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with this memory, without needing to fix or change them. This is the kelipat nogah of your remembrance. Notice the intermingling of good and less-than-good. Can you perceive the underlying thread of connection, the shared humanity, the spark that was present even in those more challenging moments? The teaching offers us a profound gift here: the capacity to extract the good, to allow it to prevail and ascend. This doesn't mean denying the difficulties, but choosing to focus our intention on the lessons learned, the growth experienced, the enduring love that can transcend complexity.

The Power of Intention: Elevating Remembrance:

The Tanya emphasizes that it is our intention that determines whether these energies are degraded or elevated. Consider the moments when you engaged with the person you remember in a way that was for the sake of Heaven, for the sake of connection, for the sake of growth. Perhaps it was a moment of deep listening, of offering support, of sharing joy, or even a quiet act of service. Bring these moments to the forefront of your awareness. Feel how, in those instances, the vitality of the interaction was not merely about the physical act or the spoken words, but about the intention behind them.

Now, bring to mind any regrets you may have, any "wasted vitality" in your interactions or in your memories. Perhaps there are things left unsaid, actions not taken, or moments of misunderstanding. The teaching offers a radical hope: that through true repentance and intense kavanah, even these can be elevated. For our ritual today, let your intention be one of profound love and acceptance, both for the person you remember and for yourself in your grieving process. Let your intention be to extract the good from all your memories, to allow the love and the lessons to ascend, and to find meaning in the entirety of your shared journey.

Embracing Permissibility and Release:

The concept of muttar – that which is not irrevocably tied – offers a powerful perspective on our grief. It suggests that the essence of love, the impact of a life, is not permanently bound by the forces of loss or regret. Your remembrance today is an act of embracing this permissibility. It is a conscious choice to release the grip of sorrow, not by forgetting, but by transforming. Allow yourself to feel the sense of release that comes from intentionally focusing on the enduring light. Imagine that vital energy, the essence of your loved one, not as bound, but as free to ascend, uplifted by your conscious and loving remembrance.

A Deeper Yearning:

The Tanya speaks of "repentance out of love," a profound yearning for G-d that can transmute sins into merits. While this is a deep spiritual concept, we can draw upon its essence in our remembrance. Let your intention today be to cultivate a deeper yearning for connection, not just with the memory of your loved one, but with the source of all love and vitality. Allow this yearning to guide your remembrance, to transform any lingering pain into a deeper appreciation for the love that was shared, and to inspire you towards greater acts of kindness and connection in your own life. This ritual is an act of returning, a deepening of your bond with the sacred essence of your loved one, and with the Divine presence that interweaves all existence.

Practice

Here are several micro-practices, each designed to engage with the themes of memory, meaning, and the Tanya's teachings, offering a gentle pathway for your deep-dive remembrance. Choose the one that resonates most deeply with you in this moment.

Practice Option 1: The Candle of Ascending Light

Concept: This practice draws upon the Tanya's idea of kelipat nogah being elevated to holiness when the good within it is extracted and prevails. A candle's flame, by its nature, ascends, and its light dispels darkness, symbolizing the elevation of memory and the dispelling of the shadows of grief.

Materials:

• A single candle (a beeswax or natural wax candle is often preferred for its purity and connection to nature)
• A safe candle holder
• A quiet space where you will not be disturbed

Instructions:

1. Preparation: Find a comfortable seated position in your quiet space. Take a few moments to center yourself, taking deep, calming breaths. Bring to mind the person you are remembering today.
2. Lighting the Candle: As you light the candle, hold the intention that this flame represents the vitalizing spirit of your loved one, and the potential for their memory to ascend towards holiness. Say, softly, aloud or in your heart: "In the spirit of [Name], whose vital spark I remember, I light this flame, a symbol of ascending light and enduring love."
3. Observing the Flame: Gaze into the flame. Notice its movement, its flicker, its steady glow. The Tanya speaks of kelipat nogah as an intermediate category, containing both good and bad, but capable of being elevated. Imagine the flame as representing the best of your loved one's spirit, the goodness that was intermingled within their being.
4. Extracting the Good: As you watch the flame, gently recall a specific memory of your loved one that embodies pure goodness, kindness, joy, or love. This is the "good" you are extracting from the totality of their being and your memories. Hold this memory in your heart. Imagine this good quality being drawn upwards, like the flame, towards holiness.
5. Acknowledging Complexity (Optional): If it feels right, you can also briefly acknowledge a memory that might be more complex, perhaps tinged with difficulty. Without dwelling in negativity, simply recognize that this too is part of the human experience, part of the kelipat nogah. Then, gently bring your focus back to the ascending flame and the positive memory, reaffirming your intention to extract the good.
6. Intention of Permissibility: Reflect on the concept of muttar – that which is not irrevocably bound. Whisper, or think: "May the essence of [Name]'s spirit, and the goodness of our shared memories, be unbound and ascend towards the Divine."
7. Reflection: Sit with the light of the candle for a few more minutes. Allow the warmth and the light to fill you. Consider what this practice has illuminated for you today.
8. Extinguishing the Candle: When you are ready, gently extinguish the candle. As you do so, say: "May the light of remembrance continue to guide me, and may the essence of [Name] find its highest ascent."

Practice Option 2: The Whispered Name and Story

Concept: This practice focuses on the power of spoken word and narrative, drawing from the Tanya's emphasis on "acts, utterances, and thoughts." By speaking the name and sharing a story, we are actively engaging with the vitality of memory and asserting its potential for elevation.

Materials:

• A quiet space
• Perhaps a comfortable chair or cushion

Instructions:

1. Centering: Begin by finding a comfortable seated position. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to arrive fully in this moment of remembrance.
2. Invoking the Name: Softly, begin to whisper or speak the name of the person you are remembering. Repeat their name several times, allowing the sound to resonate within you. As you say their name, imagine it carrying a particular vitality, a unique essence. Connect this to the Tanya's idea of the "vitalizing animal soul" – this is the essence of your beloved.
3. Choosing a Story: Now, bring to mind a specific story or anecdote about this person. It could be a story that highlights their humor, their kindness, their strength, their wisdom, or even a moment that illustrates their unique quirks. The Tanya mentions that even "utterances" can be drawn from kelipat nogah. This story, when told with intention, can be elevated.
4. Narrating with Intention: Begin to tell the story aloud, as if you were sharing it with a trusted friend, or even just with the universe. As you speak, infuse your narration with the intention that this story, and the person it represents, is being elevated.
   • If the story has elements that might be considered part of kelipat nogah (e.g., a moment of frustration, a minor disagreement), focus on what was learned from it, the underlying connection that remained, or the eventual resolution. This is your act of "extracting the good."
   • If the story is purely joyful or beautiful, revel in it. Allow the positivity of the memory to fill you.
5. Focusing on "Permissibility": As you conclude the story, reflect on the concept of muttar. Whisper: "This memory, like all that is truly good, is permitted to ascend. It is not bound by the limitations of the physical, but is free to return to its source."
6. The Utterance for Holiness: Consider the Tanya's point about utterances not performed for the sake of Heaven being no better than the animal soul. Your act of telling this story is for the sake of Heaven – for the sake of remembrance, for the sake of honoring a life, for the sake of finding meaning. Declare, or think: "This utterance, spoken with love and intention, is offered for the elevation of memory and the service of G-d."
7. Silence and Integration: After you have finished speaking, sit in silence for a few moments. Allow the words and the memory to settle within you. Notice any feelings that arise.
8. Concluding Thought: You might conclude by saying, "Thank you, [Name], for this memory, for this lesson, for this enduring connection."

Practice Option 3: The Tzedakah of Transmuted Energy

Concept: This practice connects the material act of giving charity (tzedakah) with the spiritual concept of transforming energy, as described in the Tanya. By directing a charitable act towards a cause that aligns with the values or memory of the person you are remembering, you are essentially "distilling" the vitality of that memory into a force for good.

Materials:

• A small amount of money or an item to donate
• A list of potential charities or causes that resonate with the person you are remembering, or with the values expressed in the Tanya passage (e.g., causes that promote learning, spiritual growth, or helping those in need).

Instructions:

1. Centering and Intention: Find a quiet space. Take a few deep breaths. Bring to mind the person you are remembering. Reflect on the Tanya's teaching about how energy, even from mundane acts or sustenance, can be degraded or elevated through intention.
2. Choosing the Recipient: Consider the person you are remembering. What values did they embody? What causes were important to them? Or, consider the themes of the Tanya passage: the elevation of the good, the pursuit of spiritual growth, the overcoming of limitations. Choose a charity or cause that aligns with these. For example, if your loved one was a great learner, you might choose to support a yeshiva or a library. If they were known for their compassion, you might choose a humanitarian aid organization.
3. Connecting the Energy: Take the money or item you have set aside for donation. Hold it in your hands. Imagine it as a tangible representation of the vitality and memory of your loved one. The Tanya speaks of vitality being drawn from different gradations, and how even energy from kelipat nogah can be elevated. This donation is your act of elevating that energy.
4. The Act of Giving with Kavanah: As you prepare to make the donation (whether online, in person, or by mailing a check), articulate your intention. Say, aloud or in your heart: "I offer this tzedakah in loving memory of [Name]. May the energy and spirit that [Name] embodied, and the good within our shared memories, be transmuted through this act into blessing and holiness. Just as the Tanya teaches that vitality can be elevated through intention, may this gift ascend, bringing goodness and light to the world, honoring the legacy of [Name]."
5. Specific Intentions related to the Tanya:
   • If the person was someone who struggled with certain aspects of life, you might add: "May this act of giving help to elevate any aspects of the past that felt less than perfect, transforming them into merits, as the Tanya describes."
   • If you are focusing on the idea of extracting good: "May this donation represent the extraction of the good from the complexities of life, allowing it to ascend and bring healing."
   • If you are focusing on muttar (permissibility): "May this act affirm that the essence of love and goodness is not bound, but is permitted to ascend and bring forth blessing."
6. The Ritual of Giving: Complete the act of donation. Whether it's clicking a button, dropping a coin in a box, or writing a check, do so with conscious awareness of the intention behind it.
7. Integration: Take a moment after the act of giving. Feel the sense of having transformed energy, of having honored a memory through a tangible act of goodness. You have taken the "vitality" of memory and directed it towards a positive force in the world.

Practice Option 4: The Inner Dialogue of Transformation

Concept: This practice engages directly with the Tanya's concept of kelipat nogah as an intermediate category and the power of internal intention to transform perceived "bad" into "good." It’s a form of mindful self-reflection and internal dialogue.

Materials:

• A journal or notebook
• A pen

Instructions:

1. Setting the Scene: Find a quiet, comfortable place where you can write without interruption. Take a few moments to breathe and center yourself.
2. Identifying a Memory with Nuance: Bring to mind a memory of the person you are remembering that feels complex, perhaps one that involves a difficulty, a misunderstanding, or a moment where things weren't ideal. This is your kelipat nogah memory. Write down a brief description of the memory in your journal.
3. Acknowledging the "Bad": Honestly acknowledge the aspects of this memory that feel challenging, painful, or less than perfect. These are the "bad" elements within the kelipat nogah. Write these down, without judgment, simply as observations. For example: "I felt hurt when they said X," or "I regret not having done Y."
4. Seeking the "Good": Now, the crucial part. With the intention of "extracting the good," re-examine the memory. Ask yourself:
   • What did I learn from this experience?
   • What did it reveal about their humanity, or my own?
   • Was there any underlying intention, even if imperfectly expressed, that was not entirely negative?
   • How did this experience, in retrospect, shape my understanding or my growth?
   • Did it ultimately lead to a deeper appreciation for something else?
5. Writing the Transformation: Write down the "good" you have discovered. This is your act of transforming the kelipat nogah. Frame it as an insight, a lesson, a growth, or an enduring aspect of love that transcends the difficulty. For example: "This taught me the importance of clear communication," or "Even in their frustration, I could sense their underlying love for me."
6. Connecting to Muttar: Reflect on how this transformed insight makes the memory feel less "bound" by negativity. Write: "This memory, once felt as a burden, is now transformed. The good I have extracted allows its essence to be muttar, to ascend, not bound by the initial difficulty."
7. The Intention of Service: Consider how this transformed understanding can serve you or others. Write: "By transforming this memory through intention, I am engaging in a form of spiritual service, honoring [Name]'s essence and my own growth."
8. Concluding Reflection: Close your journal. Take a few breaths. Notice how shifting your internal focus has changed your perception of the memory. This practice demonstrates the power of kavanah to elevate even the most nuanced aspects of our remembrance.

Community

Connecting Through Shared Remembrance: Offering and Receiving Support

The Tanya’s profound teachings on interconnectedness and the elevation of vitality naturally lead us to consider how we can engage with others in our journey of grief and remembrance. Sharing our memories, our struggles, and our hopes can amplify the light and provide mutual solace. Here are ways to include others or ask for support, drawing inspiration from the gentle guidance of this text.

Option 1: Inviting Shared Stories and Affirming Shared Vitality

Concept: This approach draws from the Tanya's idea that all things contain vitality and can be elevated. By inviting others to share their memories, we are collectively affirming the enduring vitality of the person we remember and collaboratively elevating their legacy.

How to Include Others:

• At a Gathering: If you are holding a small gathering for remembrance, dedicate a specific time for "Shared Stories of [Name]." You can introduce this by saying something like:

  "Today, as we hold the memory of [Name] close, I wanted us to create a space where we can collectively affirm the vital spirit that touched each of our lives. The Tanya speaks of how all things, even seemingly ordinary moments, carry a vitalizing energy that can be elevated through our intention. Our memories of [Name] are such a treasure. I invite you, if you feel moved, to share a brief story or a quality you remember about [Name] that truly embodied their unique spark."

• In a Written Message: If a gathering isn't feasible, you can send a heartfelt message to a select group of loved ones.

  "Dear friends and family, as we approach [anniversary/special date] for our beloved [Name], I've been reflecting on the profound vitality that [Name] brought into the world. I'm reminded of teachings that speak of how our intentions can elevate even the complexities of life, drawing out the good and allowing it to ascend. I would be so grateful if you would share a memory or a quality you cherished about [Name] with me. Your stories are a precious way for us to collectively honor their enduring spirit and allow their light to continue to shine."

• Creating a "Memory Jar" or Digital Space: You can set up a physical jar with slips of paper and pens, or a shared digital document or online forum, where people can anonymously or openly share their memories. You can frame this by saying:

  "In honor of [Name], we've created this Memory Jar/Digital Space. We invite you to contribute a story, a feeling, or a quality you remember about [Name]. As the Tanya teaches us about the potential for elevation, let our shared memories be a way to draw out the goodness and allow the vital spirit of [Name] to ascend and inspire us all."

Asking for Support:

• When feeling overwhelmed by complexity: If you are grappling with difficult memories or the sheer weight of grief, you can reach out to a trusted friend or family member and say:

  "I'm finding myself wrestling with some of the more complicated feelings around remembering [Name] today. It feels like a mix of joy and sadness, and sometimes the difficult parts feel heavy. I'm reminded of how the Tanya talks about kelipat nogah – that intermediate space where good and less-than-good coexist. I'm trying to find the good, to extract it, but it feels challenging right now. Would you be willing to listen, or perhaps share a memory of [Name] that brings you peace or a sense of uplift?"

• When seeking to imbue actions with meaning: If you are performing a ritual like tzedakah in their name and feel a need for shared intention:

  "I'm planning to make a donation to [Charity Name] today in memory of [Name]. I'm approaching it with the intention of transforming the energy of memory into goodness, as the Tanya suggests. Would you be willing to hold that intention with me, or perhaps join me in making a small donation to a cause that resonates with [Name]'s spirit?"

Option 2: The Shared Practice of "Permissibility" and Release

Concept: This approach centers on the Tanya's idea of muttar – that which is not irrevocably bound. By engaging in a shared ritual of release, we can help each other feel less tethered to the pain of loss and more connected to the enduring essence.

How to Include Others:

• A Group Candle Lighting: Organize a time for a communal candle lighting, either in person or virtually.

  "As we gather to remember [Name], we'll be lighting a candle together. This flame symbolizes the vital spark of [Name]'s life, and our intention is to focus on the goodness within our memories, allowing it to ascend. We will also be reflecting on the concept of muttar – that which is not bound. Our hope is that through this shared practice, we can feel a sense of release from the heaviest aspects of grief, and connect with the enduring, 'permitted' essence of love and memory."

• A Moment of Shared Silence with Affirmation: During a shared remembrance, after a period of silence, you can offer a communal affirmation.

  "Let us take a moment of silent reflection, holding our memories of [Name]. Now, as we emerge from this silence, let us affirm together: 'The love we shared with [Name] is not bound. Its essence is permitted to ascend, to bless us, and to guide us.' "

• Collaborative Writing or Art Project: You could invite others to contribute to a shared piece of art or a collective poem that focuses on themes of release and enduring light.

  "We are creating a collective expression of remembrance for [Name]. We invite you to contribute a word, a phrase, or a small drawing that speaks to the idea of release, of what is 'permitted' to endure and ascend. Our intention is to weave these contributions together, creating a tapestry that honors [Name]'s spirit and our shared journey of remembrance."

Asking for Support:

• When feeling stuck or bound by grief:

  "I'm finding it hard to move past some of the pain of [Name]'s absence. It feels like I'm bound by it. I'm trying to connect with the idea of muttar, that which is 'permitted' to be free, but it's a struggle. Would you be willing to talk with me about it, or perhaps share how you've found a sense of release in your own grief?"

• When seeking to actively practice release:

  "I want to actively practice letting go of the heaviest parts of my grief and focusing on the enduring love. I'm thinking about the concept of muttar. Is there a small ritual we could do together, or a conversation we could have, that focuses on releasing what binds us and affirming what can ascend in memory of [Name]?"

Option 3: The Act of "Extracting the Good" Together

Concept: This practice focuses on the Tanya's idea of actively extracting the good from kelipat nogah and allowing it to prevail. Doing this collectively can strengthen our resolve and offer a shared sense of purpose.

How to Include Others:

• A Guided "Memory Extraction" Session: If you are with a group, you can guide them through a process similar to Practice Option 4 (Inner Dialogue of Transformation), but with shared reflection.

  "Today, we are going to engage in a practice inspired by the Tanya, of 'extracting the good' from our memories. We will each bring to mind a memory of [Name] that might have some complexity to it. Then, we will gently explore what goodness can be found within that memory – a lesson learned, an act of love, a moment of shared humanity. We'll then share, if we feel comfortable, what goodness we have 'extracted.' This is not about ignoring difficulties, but about consciously choosing to focus on and elevate the positive aspects of [Name]'s life and our connection to them."

• Collaborative "Gratitude List" for the Deceased: Create a shared document or board where people can list things they are grateful for that are connected to the person being remembered.

  "In honor of [Name], let's create a collective expression of gratitude. What specific qualities, actions, or moments from [Name]'s life are we deeply thankful for? Let's 'extract the good' from our shared experiences and list the blessings that their life brought us. This will be a testament to the enduring positive impact of [Name]'s presence."

• "Legacy of Goodness" Project: Identify a cause or action that embodies the "good" qualities of the person being remembered, and work on it together.

  "We want to honor [Name]'s legacy by actively embodying the goodness they represented. Let's identify a project or a cause that reflects [Name]'s best qualities – perhaps their kindness, their dedication to learning, or their love for nature. By working on this together, we are actively 'extracting the good' of their memory and allowing it to manifest in the world."

Asking for Support:

• When struggling to find the good:

  "I'm finding it difficult to see the 'good' in some of my memories of [Name] right now. The pain feels overwhelming, and the complexities are overshadowing the positive. I'm trying to practice 'extracting the good,' but I'm feeling stuck. Could you share a positive memory of [Name] with me, or help me to reframe a challenging memory?"

• When seeking to actively manifest goodness:

  "I want to actively live out the goodness that [Name] embodied. I'm looking for ways to translate my memories into positive actions. Do you have any suggestions for how we could collectively 'extract the good' of [Name]'s legacy and manifest it in the world through our actions?"

By intentionally weaving these practices of community into our remembrance, we honor not only the individual we miss but also the interconnectedness of all life, and the profound potential for goodness and holiness that the Tanya so beautifully describes.