Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim, Title Page 1

Shalom, wonderful parents! Welcome to Jewish Parenting in 15. In our busy, beautiful, often chaotic lives, it's easy to feel like we're constantly falling short, like genuine spiritual connection or "perfect" Jewish parenting is a distant, unattainable ideal. But what if I told you the opposite is true? What if the wisdom of our tradition assures us that the most profound spiritual connection is exceedingly near? Let's dive in. Bless the chaos, aim for micro-wins, and let's find the holiness right where we are.

Insight

In the whirlwind of parenting – the endless to-do lists, the emotional rollercoasters, the constant giving – it's incredibly easy to feel spiritually adrift, to believe that a deep, meaningful Jewish life is reserved for those with more time, more knowledge, or more inherent saintliness. We look at our overflowing laundry baskets, our half-eaten dinners, our children's spirited disagreements, and wonder, "Where is the holiness in this? Am I even doing this right?" This feeling of inadequacy, of spiritual distance, is precisely what the foundational text of Chabad Chassidut, the Tanya, comes to dismantle from its very first lines. It announces a revolutionary truth: that the path to profound spiritual connection, to living a life infused with G-dliness and fulfilling mitzvot, is "exceedingly near to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do." This isn't a platitude; it's a deeply practical and liberating declaration for every parent feeling overwhelmed by the gap between aspiration and reality.

The Tanya's very title, "Sefer Shel Beinonim" – The Book of Intermediates – is a radical departure from the expectation that spiritual texts are for the perfectly righteous, the "tzaddikim." Instead, it speaks directly to us, the "beinonim," the intermediates. Who is a beinoni in the context of parenting? It's you. It's me. It's the parent who, despite the exhaustion, chooses patience; who, despite the urge to snap, chooses a kind word; who, despite the desire for personal quiet, chooses to engage with their child's boundless energy. A beinoni isn't someone who never has a negative thought or emotion – that's the tzaddik, a rare spiritual giant. A beinoni is someone who feels those urges, those frustrations, those moments of doubt, but consistently, consciously, and with effort, chooses the path of goodness, of G-dly connection. The core of being a beinoni is this constant, conscious choice, this internal battle where the good inclination ultimately prevails through sheer will and effort. It’s about the doing, the acting, even when the internal landscape is tumultuous. For parents, this is a daily, sometimes hourly, reality. Every moment we choose empathy over exasperation, teaching over telling off, listening over dismissing, we are acting as beinonim, and in doing so, we are drawing G-dliness into our homes and into our lives.

This concept of "nearness" fundamentally redefines what it means to be a spiritual Jew and, by extension, a spiritual Jewish parent. It shatters the myth that spiritual life is an esoteric pursuit, requiring hours of meditation or deep scholarly study, reserved for a select few. Instead, it asserts that the sacred is woven into the very fabric of our everyday existence, especially in the seemingly mundane, messy, and magnificent acts of parenting. Changing a diaper with love, preparing a nourishing meal, reading a bedtime story, comforting a scraped knee, teaching a child a blessing, helping them navigate a sibling squabble – these are not obstacles to spiritual life; they are spiritual life. They are opportunities, moment by moment, to infuse our actions with intention, kindness, and G-dly awareness. The "it" that is exceedingly near is the ability to connect, to elevate, to sanctify. It's not about achieving a distant spiritual state; it's about recognizing the divine spark already present within our actions and within our children, and choosing to fan that flame.

The verse "in your mouth and in your heart, to do" further clarifies this accessibility. It’s not just about abstract belief or intellectual understanding (though those have their place). It’s about the tangible, the actionable. "In your mouth" refers to speech – the blessings we recite, the kind words we utter, the Torah stories we share. "In your heart" points to intention, to the love and devotion we bring to our parenting, to the emotional connection we foster. And "to do" emphasizes action – the mitzvot, the acts of chesed (kindness), the consistent effort to raise our children with Jewish values. The Tanya teaches that this trifecta – thought, speech, and action – are all within our immediate reach. We don't need to be perfect; we need to be present and intentional. Every small effort, every "good-enough" attempt to bring Jewishness into our day, to speak kindly, to act with integrity, to teach a child a prayer or a value, is not just a stepping stone; it is the path itself.

For busy parents, this is the ultimate liberation. You don't need to add another overwhelming spiritual regimen to your already bursting schedule. The Tanya's message is that your existing life, your existing parenting, is the very arena for your spiritual growth. The challenge isn't to escape the chaos to find holiness, but to find holiness within the chaos. It’s about reframing our daily struggles and triumphs as opportunities for spiritual work. The moment you choose patience over anger with a tantruming toddler, you are engaging in Avodat Hashem (service of G-d). When you recite Modeh Ani with your child in the morning, even if half-asleep, you are "doing" with your mouth and heart. When you light Shabbat candles, even if the house is a mess and dinner isn't ready, you are bringing light and holiness into your home. These aren't just tasks; they are sacred acts, accessible and powerful.

So, dear parents, let go of the guilt that whispers you're not doing enough, or not doing it perfectly. The Tanya assures us that spiritual perfection isn't the goal; consistent, conscious effort is. You are not meant to be a tzaddik right now; you are meant to embrace the journey of the beinoni, finding strength and connection in every small, intentional choice. The holiness you seek is not far off; it is "exceedingly near to you," residing in the love you give, the values you impart, the blessings you utter, and the choices you make every single day. Bless the beautiful, messy, magnificent work that you do, for it is precisely where G-d's presence is waiting to be revealed. Your efforts, however imperfect, are not just good enough; they are profound.

Text Snapshot

"LIKKUTEI AMARIM PART ONE ENTITLED SEFER SHEL BENONIM... based on the verse 'For it is exceedingly near to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do'; Deuteronomy 30:14; to explain clearly how it is exceedingly near, in a lengthy and short way, with the aid of the Holy One, blessed be He." (Tanya, Part I; Likkutei Amarim, Title Page 1)

Activity

The "Nearness" Scavenger Hunt: Finding Holiness in Our Home (≤10 min)

This activity is designed to make the abstract idea of "nearness" tangible for both you and your child, showing that holiness and connection aren't just in synagogues or holy books, but in the everyday items and moments of your home. It's quick, engaging, and reinforces the idea that G-d's presence and blessings are "exceedingly near."

Goal: To actively identify and appreciate everyday objects and experiences in your home as sources of blessing and G-dly connection, using our "mouth and heart."

Materials: None needed! (Unless you want to grab a small basket or bag for fun, but truly optional).

Time: 5-10 minutes.

Instructions for Parents:

1. Set the Stage (1 minute): Gather your child(ren) and explain the idea in simple terms. Say something like: "You know how sometimes we think really important, holy things are far away, like in a special building or a big book? Well, our Jewish wisdom teaches us that G-d's blessings and holiness are actually super close to us, right here in our home, in things we see and use every day! It's like G-d is giving us a hug with all the good things around us. We're going to go on a special hunt to find these close-by blessings and say a quick thank you from our hearts and with our mouths." Adapt the language to your child's age – for younger kids, focus on "thank yous" and "happy things"; for older kids, you can introduce the idea of "mitzvah opportunities" or "G-d's gifts."

2. The Hunt Begins! (5-7 minutes):

   • The "Seek" Phase: Start in one room (e.g., the kitchen, living room, or even just the immediate area you are in). Challenge each person to find something "near" them that brings them joy, helps them, or is a gift from G-d.
     • For younger children (2-5): Ask, "What do you see that makes you happy?" or "What helps us in this room?" or "What can we be thankful for right now?" Examples: a favorite toy, a comfortable blanket, a window, a light switch, a cup of water, a piece of fruit.
     • For older children (6-12): Encourage them to think a bit deeper. "What's an item in this room that shows G-d's kindness?" or "What's something we use that connects us to others or helps us do something good?" Examples: A book they love to read, a photo of family, a pen for doing homework, a chair for resting, a plant, an ingredient for a meal. You can also prompt them to think about actions related to objects: "What blessing does this spoon help us experience?" (eating yummy food).
   • The "Speak & Feel" Phase (Mouth & Heart): As each person identifies an item, encourage them to say a short "thank you" for it.
     • Option 1 (Simple Gratitude): "Thank you for this yummy apple!" or "I'm so glad we have this warm blanket."
     • Option 2 (Jewish Connection): You can introduce simple Hebrew phrases. "Baruch Hashem for this light!" (Blessed is G-d for this light) or "Modeh Ani for this comfy pillow." (I give thanks for this comfy pillow). For older kids, you might even briefly mention a relevant blessing (e.g., "Shehakol" for water, "Ha'eitz" for fruit) without requiring them to recite it perfectly. The goal is the intention and the expression.
     • Your Role: Model this! Point out things you are grateful for: "I'm so thankful for this coffee mug that holds my warm drink," or "I'm grateful for this table where we can sit together." Show your genuine appreciation.

3. Reflect & Connect (1-2 minutes): Briefly bring everyone back together.

   • Say: "Wow, look at all the amazing, close-by blessings we found! It shows us that G-d's goodness is truly all around us, in our mouths (when we say thank you) and in our hearts (when we feel grateful), and we can do something about it by noticing."
   • Ask: "How did it feel to find these things?" (Answers might be "happy," "good," "warm.")
   • Reinforce: "Every time we notice something good and say thank you, we're making our home even more holy, and we're connecting with G-d right where we are. It's so near to us!"

Benefits & Connection to Tanya:

• "Exceedingly Near": Directly demonstrates that G-d's presence and blessings are not distant, but tangible and immediate within the home.
• "In Your Mouth and In Your Heart, to Do": The activity encourages expressing gratitude ("mouth") with genuine feeling ("heart"), leading to the "doing" of recognizing G-d's presence and expressing thanks.
• "Sefer Shel Beinonim": This isn't about perfectly recited blessings or deep theological understanding, but about the conscious effort to seek and acknowledge good in the everyday, a quintessential beinoni act. It’s accessible and achievable for any parent, any child.
• Micro-Win: It's short, doesn't require special preparation, and yields immediate positive feelings and a moment of shared spiritual connection. It's a small seed planted for a larger appreciation of spiritual life.

This "Nearness Scavenger Hunt" transforms the ordinary into the sacred, showing your children (and reminding yourself!) that the divine is truly "exceedingly near," waiting to be acknowledged in the simplest, most accessible corners of our lives.

Script

Parents, we've all been there: that moment when someone asks a question about your Jewish life or parenting that makes you feel instantly inadequate, or highlights the perceived gap between your efforts and some imagined ideal. It's in these moments that the Tanya's message of "nearness" and "beinoni" becomes your secret weapon. You don't need to be a scholar or a saint; you just need to be real, kind, and focused on the accessible.

Here's a 30-second script for those "awkward questions," designed to be empathetic, realistic, and to gently reframe the conversation around the idea that "it's exceedingly near to you."

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Awkward Questions This Script Addresses (Examples):

• "Wow, you're raising Jewish kids? How do you do all that? It seems so overwhelming and complicated."
• "I feel like I'm not religious enough to teach my kids about Judaism properly. How do you manage to keep it up?"
• "Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough Jewish stuff with your family?"
• "I always wanted to do more Jewish things, but it just feels so impossible with my busy schedule."

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The 30-Second Script (with explanations for you, the parent):

(Someone asks a question like the examples above, implying difficulty, overwhelm, or inadequacy.)

You: (Take a breath, smile kindly) "You know, I totally get why it can feel that way. It's easy to look at Jewish life and think it's all about grand gestures or perfect observance, and that can feel really distant." (Why this works: You validate their feeling immediately, showing empathy and removing any defensiveness. You acknowledge the common perception that Jewish life is overwhelming or 'far away'.)

You: "But honestly, what I've learned is that it’s actually incredibly near to us, right in our everyday lives. For us, it's not about being perfect, it's about finding those tiny, accessible moments of connection – a quick blessing before a meal, a moment of gratitude, or a simple act of kindness." (Why this works: Here's the core Tanya message! "Incredibly near." You pivot from grandiosity to accessibility. You introduce "not about being perfect" (the beinoni concept) and give concrete, micro-win examples that anyone can relate to. This shifts the focus from 'doing everything' to 'doing something accessible'.)

You: "It's in the small, consistent efforts that we find the most meaning. We just aim for 'good enough' tries, because every little bit brings so much light. It's surprisingly doable, even in the chaos!" (Why this works: You reinforce the "micro-wins" and "good enough" philosophy. You emphasize the impact of these small actions ("brings so much light"). You end on a positive, realistic, and encouraging note, blessing the chaos rather than fighting it.)

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Putting it all together (example for the "overwhelming" question):

Friend: "Wow, you're raising Jewish kids? How do you do all that? It seems so overwhelming and complicated."

You: "You know, I totally get why it can feel that way. It's easy to look at Jewish life and think it's all about grand gestures or perfect observance, and that can feel really distant. But honestly, what I've learned is that it’s actually incredibly near to us, right in our everyday lives. For us, it's not about being perfect, it's about finding those tiny, accessible moments of connection – a quick blessing before a meal, a moment of gratitude, or a simple act of kindness. It's in the small, consistent efforts that we find the most meaning. We just aim for 'good enough' tries, because every little bit brings so much light. It's surprisingly doable, even in the chaos!"

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Why this script aligns with Tanya and our approach:

• Empathy and Validation: It starts by acknowledging the other person's perspective, which is crucial for connection and open dialogue. This reflects the Jewish value of listening and understanding.
• "Exceedingly Near": It directly uses the core concept of the Tanya, reframing Jewish life as accessible and immediate, not distant or daunting.
• "Sefer Shel Beinonim" (Good Enough, Not Perfect): By stating "it's not about being perfect" and emphasizing "good enough tries," you are embodying the spirit of the beinoni, who strives and chooses good, rather than achieving an unattainable ideal. This removes the pressure and makes it relatable.
• "In Your Mouth and In Your Heart, to Do" (Micro-Wins): The examples given ("quick blessing," "moment of gratitude," "simple act of kindness") are concrete, actionable, and align with the "mouth and heart to do" aspect. They are micro-wins that demonstrate how easily one can do Jewish.
• Practical & Realistic: It blesses the chaos and acknowledges the reality of busy lives, yet still offers an empowering path forward.
• Empowering: It positions you as someone who has found a practical, joyful way to connect, and subtly offers that possibility to others without being preachy.

This script isn't just about answering a question; it's about sharing a liberating perspective rooted in deep Jewish wisdom, one micro-win at a time.

Habit

The "One Mindful Moment" Micro-Habit

This week, your micro-habit is to embrace the concept of "exceedingly near" by consciously engaging your "mouth and heart" in one mindful moment of gratitude or blessing, once a day. This isn't about adding another chore; it's about savoring a moment that's already happening and elevating it.

How to do it:

1. Choose Your Moment: Select one specific recurring moment in your day that you can commit to. This could be:
   • The first sip of your morning coffee/tea.
   • Before taking a bite of a favorite snack or meal.
   • When you see your child's face light up.
   • As you walk outside and feel the sun or wind.
   • Just before you tuck your child into bed.
   • When you wash your hands.
   • Any other moment that naturally occurs daily.
2. Engage Mouth & Heart: In that chosen moment, pause for just 5-10 seconds.
   • With your Mouth: Say a simple "Thank you, G-d, for this [coffee/child's smile/sunlight/etc.]," or "Baruch Hashem for this moment," or even a formal blessing if you know one (e.g., Shehakol for water, HaMotzi for bread, Modeh Ani upon waking). The exact words are less important than the intention.
   • With your Heart: As you speak, try to genuinely feel the gratitude or connection. Let the words resonate.
3. No Guilt, Just Try: If you miss a day, or forget a moment, no worries! This is a "good-enough" try. Just pick it up again the next day or in your next chosen moment. The goal is consistency of intention, not perfection of execution.

Why this micro-habit works: This simple act directly embodies the Tanya's message: that spiritual connection is "exceedingly near," accessible "in your mouth and in your heart, to do." By consciously choosing one tiny, existing moment, you are actively bringing G-dly awareness into your daily routine without adding significant time or effort. It trains your mind to notice the sacred in the mundane, turning a routine action into a moment of holiness. This small, consistent practice builds a spiritual muscle, helping you to see more and more of the "nearness" throughout your chaotic, beautiful days. It's a powerful micro-win that accumulates into significant spiritual growth.

Takeaway

Remember, dear parents: the profound wisdom of our tradition tells us that holiness isn't a distant peak; it's "exceedingly near to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do." You don't need to be perfect; you are a "beinoni," finding strength and connection in every conscious, kind choice. Embrace the "good-enough" tries, celebrate the micro-wins, and trust that G-d's presence is waiting to be revealed in the loving, messy, magnificent reality of your everyday parenting. Bless the chaos, for it is precisely where your greatest spiritual journey unfolds.