I Samuel 9

Insight

Parenting often feels like we are searching for lost donkeys. We set out with a clear, practical goal—get the kids to school on time, finish the laundry, manage the tantrum—and suddenly, we find ourselves miles away from our original destination, exhausted and wondering how we got so far off track. In I Samuel 9, Saul’s journey begins with a mundane, frustrating task: finding his father’s stray livestock. He wanders through hills and districts, his search proving futile. Yet, it is precisely in the middle of this "failed" mission that he encounters the prophet Samuel and is anointed as the future leader of Israel.

The takeaway for us as parents is profound: our "lost donkey" moments—the interruptions, the detours, the meltdowns that derail our carefully planned schedules—are often the very places where our most significant growth and connection occur. We tend to view these moments as failures of productivity, but the text suggests a different perspective. Saul’s father, Kish, was known for his character and his light; the Malbim notes that Kish’s father, Aviel (also known as Ner), was called "Ner" (Light) because he lit lamps in dark alleyways for the public good. Saul comes from a lineage of people who knew how to find light in the dark.

When your child has a meltdown at the grocery store or a project goes sideways at home, you aren't just "losing time." You are in the middle of a process that is shaping both you and your child. The "lost donkeys" of our lives—the tantrums, the unexpected sicknesses, the broken toys—are the environments where we demonstrate patience, where we offer comfort, and where we teach our children how to navigate disappointment.

We often feel like Saul, feeling small and inadequate ("I am only a Benjaminite... my clan is the least of all," I Samuel 9:21). We look at the "prophets" of parenting—the ones who seem to have it all together—and feel that we are lacking the proper "present" to offer. But the servant reminds Saul that even a small offering is enough to gain wisdom. You don't need to be perfect to be a parent of substance; you just need to be present. You don't need a grand, heroic plan; you just need to keep moving through the hills of your daily life, trusting that even when the original mission (the donkeys) isn't accomplished, something much larger (the anointing) might be happening in the background. Bless the chaos, because that is where the "seer" is waiting to meet you.

Text Snapshot

"Once the donkeys of Saul’s father Kish went astray... they traversed the [entire] territory of Benjamin, and still they did not find them." I Samuel 9:3–4

"Saul replied, 'But I am only a Benjaminite, from the smallest of the tribes of Israel, and my clan is the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin! Why do you say such things to me?'" I Samuel 9:21

Activity: The "Lost Donkey" Map

When your kids are stressed or when a day has gone completely sideways, stop and reframe the "failure." This activity takes less than 10 minutes and helps shift the narrative from "this day is ruined" to "this day is a journey."

1. Find a Piece of Paper: Grab any scrap of paper or even a napkin.
2. Draw the "Donkey": Ask your child to draw the "donkey" they were looking for today (e.g., "I wanted to play outside," or "I wanted to finish this game").
3. Map the Detour: Draw a squiggly line representing the "detour" you took instead (e.g., the rain that kept you inside, the argument that happened, the spilled milk).
4. Spot the "Seer": Help your child identify one "Prophet Moment" or "Gold Nugget" from the detour. Did you find a funny bug while stuck inside? Did you have a good conversation during a timeout? Did you learn that you could handle a hard situation? Write that down on the map.
5. The Blessing: Remind them that Saul didn't find the donkeys, but he found something much better: a destiny. Remind them that even when we don't get what we wanted, we often find something we needed.

This validates their disappointment (the donkeys were truly lost!) while teaching them that life isn't just about the goal; it’s about the person you become while looking for it. It turns a "bad day" into a "treasure hunt for grace."

Script: When You Feel Like a Failure

Scenario: Your child asks why you are frustrated, or you feel the need to explain why you didn't "win" the day.

Script: "You know, today didn't go the way I planned. I really wanted [Goal], but instead, we had to deal with [Chaos]. I feel a bit like Saul in the story we read—he was just looking for his donkeys, and he felt like he was failing because he couldn't find them. But sometimes, when we get lost, we actually end up finding something really important instead—like learning how to be patient with each other or finding a funny way to fix a mess. I’m not perfect, and I don't always have the answers, but I’m glad I’m on this journey with you. Let’s take a breath and see what we actually found today, even if it wasn't the donkeys."

(This script works because it removes the "I am the perfect parent" mask. It invites your child into the reality of the human experience, showing them that it is okay to be lost and it is okay to be frustrated, as long as you keep walking.)

Habit: The "Ner" (Light) Micro-Moment

Inspired by the commentary on Saul’s ancestor being called "Ner" because he lit lamps in dark places, your micro-habit this week is to be a "Light-Lighter" for one person in your home each day.

This doesn't mean doing a grand favor. It means performing one "invisible" act of service that makes the "dark" or "cluttered" parts of your home a little brighter. It could be clearing the sink before bed so your partner wakes up to a clean kitchen, tucking a note into a child’s lunchbox, or simply stopping the chaos for five seconds to give a genuine, eye-to-eye compliment to someone who is struggling.

The Goal: Do this for just 60 seconds once a day. Focus on the intention of lighting a lamp in a dark alley. When the day feels chaotic and the "donkeys" are lost, this act reminds you that you are a person of substance, capable of creating light even when you feel like the smallest tribe in the room. You are not defined by the mess; you are defined by the light you bring to it.