Mishneh Torah, Divorce 9 · Parenting voice, Bite-sized

The Art of "Not Yet"

Insight

In life, we often feel like we are living in the "in-between." We set a goal, start a process, or make a commitment, but the results haven't arrived yet. Rambam teaches us that in the realm of gittin (divorce), there is a profound legal distinction between a condition that is "already a fact but not finished" and one that is "not yet a fact at all." As parents, we often demand instant results—instant calm, instant maturity, instant obedience. Rambam reminds us that some things are "entrusted objects" waiting for the right time to bloom. Patience isn't just passive waiting; it’s recognizing that the "not yet" phase is a valid, necessary part of the process.

Text Snapshot

"If her husband dies, or the get is lost or consumed by fire in the interim, she is not divorced... she was not given the get for the [immediate] purpose of divorce. Instead, it is considered to be an entrusted object until the specified time arrives." Mishneh Torah, Divorce 9:3

Activity

The "Not Yet" Jar (5-10 Minutes): Grab a jar or a bowl. If your child is struggling with patience (waiting for a holiday, a toy, or a treat), write down the "not yet" on a slip of paper and put it in the jar. Decorate the jar together. Frame it as "entrusted time"—a space where we are preparing for the goal. It shifts the focus from "I don't have it" to "we are protecting this until the time is right."

Script

Awkward Question: "Why do I have to wait? I want it now!" Response: "I hear you! It’s really hard to wait. Right now, this is in 'entrusted time.' It’s like a seed in the ground—it’s doing important work, but it’s not ready to sprout yet. Let's keep it in the jar and focus on what we can do today."

Habit

Micro-Win: Identify one "in-between" frustration your child has this week. Acknowledge it as "entrusted time" once a day to help them (and you!) breathe through the process.

Takeaway

Be kind to your "in-between." Not everything needs to be finished today. Bless the chaos of the waiting room.